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Thanks for the punching up MB. I laughed at the magazine subscription thing. At this point, should I include the website info and how they met?
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I'll make an appointment with the CFO too.
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I know the conversations are meaningless and irrelevant to the larger picture, but I do come to vent and for support here to shore me up when I'm feeling lowly. Thanks for hanging in with me.  The best way we can support you is to get you to focus on other things! You can't believe how empowering it is to stick to a plan to kill the affair! So when you feel lowly, don't focus on his fogbabble, focus on your plan to kill his affair, ok? We really are here to support you, but our idea of support is to help you save your marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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After that, it would be the various boards he is on I guess. Once the truth gets to the hospital, it will go like wildfire.
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And I so appreciate it Melody. I really really do. Because it is so easy to wallow in the grief rather the DO the actions necessary. That's why I thank GOD I found this board.
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Thanks for the punching up MB. I laughed at the magazine subscription thing. At this point, should I include the website info and how they met? I wouldn't get too wordy right now. You've already told him enough to get him started. You can give him the goods when he calls. Also, if you don't hear from him in a day or two, I would call his job and ask for him. He might screen you out, so leave a message reiterating who you are and that you would like to speak with him.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Riki, let's punch this up a little, shall we? I get requests for magazine subscriptions with more zest than this, sweetie.  On a serious note, Riki, re FB, did you open a new account to verify that her account is really shut down and that she didn't just block you? FB exposure is pretty powerful so I'd hate to see you miss out on it...it would be worth checking...
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Ok, did that and I think she totally shut it down.
WS just called with house refi info and sounded absolutely giddy with excitement. I'm just not doing well today.
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Ok, did that and I think she totally shut it down.
WS just called with house refi info and sounded absolutely giddy with excitement. I'm just not doing well today. What's his plan with the refi? Try not to let his exuberance upset you, Riki. He's drunk, remember?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I told him I wanted the house to refi so I could afford it on my salary alone.
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Feeling much better today. I finally figured out a person of influence that I can expose to at WS work where it would probably not end up in immediate termination. It is the consultant for the executives who deals with their mental state and personality conflicts. Perfect! I can't believe I didn't think of her before.
Letter is ready to mail. I'm trying to call one more time this afternoon to OWH.
Now some questions.
I have my IM, DS is old enough that for visitation he can meet his dad outside. What more is for the planning stages for Plan B other than the finances?
Also, since I'm still in Plan A. WS has invited me to two events (eyeroll). One actually sounds fun and is before his move out date, the other is the day after his move out date.
What is everyone's opinion about the timing of the Plan B in relationship to his move?
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I don't think I'll be in any shape to go to something with him the day after he moves. He is so foggy that he hasn't even considered that. Move one day, event the next. WTH? Crazy stuff.
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The goal of Plan A is to leave him with his LB fuller, and to see you as a desirable option. If you want to save your marriage, you may want to consider the event your Plan A finally, really fill his bank up with your loveliness.
Let him move out, do his event, and then the next morning give him your Plan B letter. It may be a good option for him to realize all that he will be missing with you. I would strongly encourage a dark, dark Plan B because he seems like he really likes your cake.
Last edited by itistoughlove; 05/11/11 12:43 PM. Reason: read her post wrong
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I think he was with OW last night for dinner. He took responsibility for a project for DS and played dad (copied me on the texts he sent DS) and then responded to me that he would not be around to see it through and asked if I would. When he is not specific on what he is doing, he's with her I'm sure.
So, there were obvious questions about the project, so while he had dinner with her, he was responding to texts from me regarding son. Just short questions, very normal kid convo. I also blocked my number and called her cell phone and asked for another name. I talked with his Mom and she is going after him soon. The OWH should receive the letter today or tomorrow. I hope he calls. Spoke with best friend who worked with WS and he said if I expose to consultant it would most certainly lead to immediate termination so he is going to try and get through to WS. He wasn't ready to talk to him yet, but is going to go ahead.
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I will take the advice that if OWH does not call, I will continue to make efforts to contact him even if I have to travel to that city.
Doing well in Plan A for now. Working on PBL. He's beginning to be a bit free with the funds, so I'm also working on my diving expectations out in case I have to get a legal separation fast so will be meeting with my lawyer next week (WS not informed of this).
So the plan. Remain in Plan A. Get my ducks in a row financially/emotionally for Dark Plan B that will occur shortly after the second event.
My current thoughts on boundaries.
End affair, no contact with OW
MC
No more porn over relationship seek help for addiction.
I know I should have more, just started to process this. Do I include EPs now?
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Are there sample PBLs around?
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Wish my book would get here. I made an appointment with my lawyer to get at least something to protect myself financially. WS signed a 9 month lease for a place (a nice place by the way). Says he doesn't want divorce because we would have to divide everything up. That he doesn't want the house to appear empty so it's less traumatic to me and the kids. Is this just to ease his guilt? Or is he in anyway conflicted? I've began with the PBL, sticking with the plan.
DD is going to write OW an impact letter. What do you all think of that?
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Anyone? Do I smell? LOL.....
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Anyone? Do I smell? LOL..... Well, since you asked...we've been meaning to talk to you about that...  I haven't been able to be on much today or yesterday (have to work, go figure) but grabbed this for you - it's the Plan B letter in SAA: My Dear Sue,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with Greg possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.
I am willing to avoid the mistakes I�ve made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Greg for once and for all.
Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends Jane and Paul have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.
I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Greg, and I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with him. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.
As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.
I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other�s emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.
I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing Greg.
With my love,
Jon
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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And here I layered my scents today and everything. Drat. LOL. Thanks for the letter MB. Working on it now. I'll post here when I'm done to gain comments.
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