I thank you so mush for your words itistoughlove. I totally agree with your advice. WW continues to tell me there is nothing to work on and she will not participate in any activities to start working on marriage. Yet WW still goes through the daily routine as if there was not a looming doom. Granted, her mood fluctuates bad to good and back. Even with WWs words I am currently steady on my plan A. I will admit I am now reading the plan B parts of the forum.

Today was going to be a good day for Love Bucket deposits by dropping the kids at school while WW goes to a part time job she just started. Sucks how fast that can flip when my taker starts wanting answers from a frustrated child.

Before we left to school I felt the 20+ lb backpack my son was carrying and asked him why all the books. He said that it was all the books he uses at school. (enter the Taker?!) I started lecturing about how it may damage the back with a heavy backpack. The parents want the child to store his books in the locker and get them between classes. The son wants to spend time with friends. Not a new discussion in our house. Everyone got frustrated due to us all being late getting going. BH feels like crap for ruining the family drive to school. WW is frustrated that BH did not hold his tongue to bring this up at a different time.
So far today sucks more than I can handle. I had to let some of the confusion and pain go. I cried.

Today was my children's picnic with parents. I read the flyer saying it started at noon. I got ready and headed there around 1130 in order to be early. Little did I know my kindergartener starts eating at 1110, and I was just catching him as he finished.

I felt awful because I missed most of his picnic lunch with him. Then I realized in the eyes of my child all that mattered was I was there next to him for a moment in time, and he will remember that moment. All that matters in the eyes of my son is me holding his hand and walking him back to his class. He was just excited I was there for a moment in time to say "I love you".

Your day has only begun and you have the rest of the day to make right what went wrong.

What can you do today that will show your children that one moment in time that will really matter in their eyes?

I could sit with him in his 15 min detention for being late.

I will tell him I am sorry for making him late to school. I will tell him I love him, that I understand how important his friends are.

I think sitting with him in detention may be a good idea, but I would not tell him how important his friends are to him.

If his backpack is possibly harming him, you are his parent. It is your right to make sure he is healthy. He should never be taught his friends come before his health or are above his father's rules.

You can sit with him in detention and you both can come up with solutions that will allow his back (& health) to be protected without trying to have his time with his buddies compromised.

Don't back down as his parent. Just figure out how you can solve the issue without lecturing, and so he knows your rules are his to follow.

I am thankful to all who help me sort through this mess. What has been going on with me? I won�t go into day to day blows of that unless someone wants further details. I want to share something that is starting to explain a lot about me. As of a week ago I am self diagnosed as an Aspie (Aspergers Syndrome) with professional diagnosis coming soon. The WW was the first one to make this observation. We are sad and glad to be learning this about me, glad that it explains a lot about how I act, sad that it would be difficult for her to stay with me knowing I probably will not give her what she needs. The LB book is an instruction manual to me, a manual to something very new and exciting.

So far WW refuses to give me any of the conditions I request. She will not write NC letter as she says OM is out of her life. She will not discuss any of the details of the A, nada, zip. The only thing I get is that the A was to help her break off from me and get a D. That was till she changed her mind and didn�t want to be selfish to the kids in breaking up the family. She will not be willing to work on the Radical Honesty parts where there are not secrets and our lives are transparent.

I have been telling her I would work on this marriage if we read the books and follow the advice. When I told her that we would not have any secret parts of our lives she said no, that she needs friends to complain about me to, and not have me involved in that. I told her to complain to me that this is what we will work on fixing. She said no way was that happening.

As it stands now WW told me that it is up to me if we D. She wants to stay together and work on reading the books but she will in no way do all of what is advised. I told her that the point is to do what is hard, what is needed, then see where it gets us. I am afraid we won�t get very far though. �itstillburns.

Okay, si since there isn't a NC letter, does that mean that you are going to be going into Plan B?

Your WW will live like this, until you tell her that you are not willing to live like this anymore.

Sorry, but I don't remember all of your sitch, did this A get exposed? Far and wide? Tell your children? If this A was in workplace, do they no longer work together? Are you still snooping to ensure NC?

You can't MAKE your WW change and start to work on the marriage, but you CAN make the choice not to live like this forever. It is not fair to you, or your children.