Keep thinking of a new intermediary you could use.

Stop reading the books on divorce. Keep reading the Bible since it helps you feel better. Read posts here, print the ones that are most comforting to you and put the printed pages in a folder to access and read as needed (that was my favorite calming solution!). You will start feeling better if you stay out of contact with your H. You will.

If you do enter the land of divorce....do it your way. Do it by not communicating with your WH directly. Have a lawyer do all communication.

A lawyer that will listen to you if you must participate legally in separation or divorce is critical. If you speak with one and they try to veer you into something you don't stand behind....tell them you do not stand behind it. Tell them to listen to your plans.



You are feeling awful cause it IS awful. You are a human being, a woman. You count.

Trust in the plan. The marriage builder plan.

I was doing so good today until WH asked my intermediary when i was going to go about getting the paperwork taken care of for our dissolution. I am now not good at all. He was not supposed to ask about this and back off.

I don't understand how he can be so mean and cruel to me knowing how badly I am hurting. I can't deal with all of this right now but he seems to be pressuring me to hurry up because there is "no sense is dragging it out" he says.

I am barely able to get out of bed in the morning. I am so upset right now. Why is he doing this?

Is IM still his sister?

You can ignore the goading. That is what it is.

Don't tell sis but WH can always file paperwork if he feels compelled.

You need an IM who isn't one of his agents of drama.

Just go outside and find some roses to smell and enjoy the fresh air and detach from the drama.

Find a different IM. Make that your pending quest.

Just feeling really sad and down today. I just don't think I can do this anymore.

It is a rollercoaster ride. Distract yourself. It is challenging to do but do so. See your physician about medication to help (unless you are already on it).

This is tough stuff you are dealing with. You have to remind yourself to move onward though it. Eventually, if you keep out of contact (and get minimal reports about him), you will feel better and better.

well WH apparently stopped talking to the OW and is seeking counseling for the kids. He isn't going to rush them having what they need so he says but obviously doesn't want to work on the marriage.

I find it BS personally. I think he is looking for a counselor to tell him its okay on the kids and they will be fine through a divorce.

Just in case you need some of this information anytime soon:


LINK to article: The Lessons Children Learn

Read it. Print it our for some quick responses to future bullcrap from WH.

Thanks for that link!! I have other articles too but not sure if I should give him anymore. Not sure what to do at this point. Do I still do Plan B or not because he says he doesn't want to work on the marriage just wants to go for the kids.

???

Well. You are knowing too much about what he seems to be doing to be in a protective shield plan B.

You continue plan B and perfect it because if you don't, you are exposed to his drama and you don't need that as you recover from the betrayal.
Plan B can protect you. You know little of what he is up to. You focus on how to live without him and how to raise kids on your own and get stronger.

When not sure what to do, do nothing.

Keep your financial situation in check as best as you can from plan B. Do not try to outguess his inner thoughts. Do not be compelled to answer legal things cause he tells IM he is waiting for you to do so. Do so when you legally would need to and not a day before if you don't care to. He is not your ruler anymore in plan B. Gotta love plan B for that if nothing else.

Get darker SweetS. Darker to his side of the fence. Brighter on your side. Darker to his.

Well its been a while since I have been on here but man have things changed. My husband and I are back together and he is in the process of moving home. We have gone over what we need from each other and we both agree we want to do the work. He has been going to counseling, I have been going to counseling, we are both going to church, he has stopped all contact with OW, we are doing the love dare book, and we are going to start marriage builders home program.

The only stafu right now is money. The OW gave him a lot of money to help him out with his bills when he first moved out of our house. He has already told her to stop all contact and I told him then that he would have to send a letter stating No contact in writing like it says to do here. The only problem is the money...how do we do this? He wrote the letter last night and we want to send it today. She is still dropping off letters to him at his old apartment (he just throws them away) and once he sends the no contact letter we are sure she will bug us for the money and we can't afford to just pay her off.

Would it be okay to write in the letter that I will send her payments until it is paid off and that she can contact me about the money if she needs to? I am not sure how to do this. Please help.

No, send her a no contact letter and tell her to go to hell. Don't ever have any contact with her again. She will have to write off the money.


here


[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Okay. Would she be able to sue us though for the money? I don't believe there was any written agreement or anything about repayment but I'm just worried she will sue or something.

Hmmmm.
I would like to see THAT court session.


"I am suing WH for $ that I lent him so he could leave his wife for me"
"Yes, I did leave my wife for her and she gave me $ to do it"

If she does sue him, she is nuts.

A no contact letter and do not pay any money. It's a consequence for her adultery she may think twice next time she persues a married man.

If she does legally force payment I guess your husband best find a second job to pay her back , it's the least he can do.

At the very least....the next married man she gets involved with should have sufficient funds to leave his wife.
Ugh

OW?

Too bad so sad. Don't fool around with married men who are lying to their wife and think you will get paid back. KWIM?

If it's more money than small claims court, let her sue. Better to deal with that later to me than give her ANY sort of validation or contact right now.

I agree write her off, she won't try anything, do you think she would want to approach your husband is he is truly giving her the shove off........
I say let her go to hell.........let her rot there, just work on being the best wife you can be now. let your husband see her for what she really is.........make sure he stays tansparent.........
so happy for the two of you.......

Send the letter by putting a simple stamp on it and putting it in the mailbox. That costs less than a dollar.


As far as what money your WH owes the OW? Let her sue him for it. If you begin to pay her back, you establish a contract with her, and she can use that in court to show you did agree to pay, because you started paying!

The only thing is that if you don't pay, it can tie you to her for the reason of her chasing you for it.

You could approach it by just sending money orders for very small amounts on a regular basis. I say money orders because that way you have a receipt, and it keeps your banking information private from her. You save the receipts, and just keep sending the MO's regularly. She would have a rough time trying to sue you for money you are actually paying back, especially if all along she is accepting payments from you. Judges don't entertain cases where a defendant is making payments regularly, the plaintiff is accepting the money, and the only reason for a lawsuit is that the plaintiff is not getting the money in large enough amounts or fast enough.

You say money is tight, so even if you send five or ten dollars per month, or maybe twenty dollars, and she accepts it, then you are fine. So what if it takes you years?

And if she moves....and the money comes back.....HER PROBLEM. You save the envelope, show you tried, and you are done with her. If she ever tries to go to court, you just tell your side.





As for me, I would not want to leave any door open for the Witch to return through. I would go about making an effort to send that money asap - and make sure my husband understood that affairs have many costs



and this would be one of them.

The sooner the money issue dies, the sooner you can forget her name.

SB

Screw her.
No $$$
Let her pay an attorney.
Small claims court?
Go on Judge Judy.