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Sounds like WW babble to me. You better hire a PI. Seems something is way wrong and you DONT know the story yet. Ill bet a thousand dollars to a donut hole theres a OM somewhere. You havent found them yet and it may only be an EA with conversation about relationship. BUT something is robbing her emotional attachment from YOU.
Divorced 11/5/2013
FXWW EA 2005/2008/2010
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does not use computer at home so no keylogger. It is in the family room and all can see screen> Keeps phone nearby but is never on it. not secretive or leaving for calls. Checked call log. No numbers that are strange. no strange texts. Nothing strange in car. That is what is puzzling. Her words and actions scream affair but there is no proof. still wearing old un matching underwear. No perfume, make up. still overweight. No activities outside house. Only been out to movies once and dinner once since December with friends from work.. all women. even that could be a possibility. I am thinking maybe a friend from work is divorced and misery loves company. Could be menopause, or depression. Her counselor is pushing divorce. She agreed to counseling twice in Feb only to change her mind after going to counseling both times. agreed to not contact a lawyer and wait 3 weeks to do anything at a counselor who was suppose to be helping with colaborative divorce... she asked why W wanted divorce, heard the reasons and said it did not sound like we were close to divorce... Won't talk to me at all about reasons except from what she said in that meeting.. went through her stuff (to find a bra she denied she had) and put her pillow out of bedroom when she had not slept with me for 2 weeks... totally changed history when she told the story... and got caught.
h 50 w 49 m 26 d20 s18 s16 sep 12/10 d filed 3/11
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I think you need to get a little more creative when it comes to snooping. What about putting a tap on your phone? A VAR under your bed? There are lots of sneaky ways people can carry on affairs. You just have to stop asking and put all that energy in finding creative ways to uncover it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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There have been a lot of suggestions that you seem to have ignored. Please address them. Keylogger, VAR, tap, etc. Hire a PI to get the goods if you must. Just because she is careful not to bring it into your home (that you know of) does not mean it's not taking place. You need to find out details to begin dealing with it.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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I could be wrong but we would be talking about an affair that is just sex at lunch in a car or van or office... I think that would spread like wild fire. no perfume... no lipstick, no dressing up. no working out. Listens to books on tape in head phones all the time as an escape. I will keep checking but if it is an affair their is no emotional attachment evidently. They never talk... checked purse for extra phone etc... My fww had a 10 month affair that was mostly during work hours only. Home every night for dinner.
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Last edited by hydin; 05/19/11 07:37 AM.
h 50 w 49 m 26 d20 s18 s16 sep 12/10 d filed 3/11
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What snooping tools are you using?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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need some advice on being in house with her. I work out of the house. She wants to sit with me in Church, at events.. Wants to share a hotel room later this month at a kids event. She even told me when Easter Dinner came up "we are going to spend dinners together as a family for holidays, Right? I said I did not think so. She either does not have a clue about what is coming or she has it all figured out and is playing dumb. She is smart but I feel very depressed. Listens constantly to books on tape with head phones in. No friends or social life. She has been out two nights since January.
__________________ I think a big part of the problem is that she has fantasy divorce in mind where you will be her "friend" and you will continue to have holidays together and be good "co-parents." She doesn't understand that poverty and unhappiness lie in her future. The key will be to pledge to NOT cooperate with the divorce. Get a good attorney and countersue. Make it tough. And in the meantime, move your money so she doesn't clean you out. If I were you, I would paint her a very ugly, depressing picture in order to burst her bubble. Let her know you will go for possession of the house so she will have to move out. You will go for primary custody since you will have the house. And you won't be her "friend" or her "co-parent." I would make the divorce very difficult if I were you. I think she has been talking to some real silly females who arent doing a good job of describing reality to her. She probably believes that life will go on like before.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Last edited by hydin; 05/19/11 07:36 AM.
h 50 w 49 m 26 d20 s18 s16 sep 12/10 d filed 3/11
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I would be very tempted to call up the counselor's supervisor and ask wh they employ someone who seems to lead women toward divorce, especially given the Catholic church's stance on divorce.
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Last edited by hydin; 05/19/11 07:40 AM.
h 50 w 49 m 26 d20 s18 s16 sep 12/10 d filed 3/11
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Last edited by hydin; 05/19/11 07:50 AM.
h 50 w 49 m 26 d20 s18 s16 sep 12/10 d filed 3/11
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W said ILYBNILWY in January. No abuse, alcohol, cheating (not that I know of) etc. She is home every night only opportunity to meet /be with someone is during part time job at school. Twice during sep.(sep. bedrooms 12/10) she said she would attend M C. Both times saw IC and changed her mind. Said she wanted D first of March. At collaborative divorce counselor she was asked why she wanted a divorce. When she gave the reasons (looked through her stuff and put her pillow outside the bedroom door (after she was sleeping in another room for two weeks). C asked us to wait 30 days to do anything... not hire lawyers, no relationship talk.
W want to lawyer (1st one appt) and waited there until it was filed... after 4 days... not the agreed 30.
We are both in the house. She cooks meals, washes clothes. Checks in and really acts married. Her IC is driving this D. I asked her best friend after 3 weeks and she was shocked w had filed. W said kids would not be shocked. They were..
No relationship talk since until last wk since filing. She expected to be invited to my families Easter dinner... asked me if I had to tell my brother and sister before the dinner... I told her she isn't going. I am taking the boys. I later asked her if she was feeling some doubt and was that why she did not want anyone told. She said no, she had not changed her mind and thought there was no chance of reconciling.
It is like she is living a fantasy. W is 49. She has no idea on finances and costs of living separate. She seems to think she can get the house with a part time income of 11,000.
I need some advice on being in house with her. I work out of the house. She wants to sit with me in Church, at events.. Wants to share a hotel room later this month at a kids event. She even told me when Easter Dinner came up "we are going to spend dinners together as a family for holidays, Right? I said I did not think so. She either does not have a clue about what is coming or she has it all figured out and is playing dumb. She is smart but I feel very depressed. Listens constantly to books on tape with head phones in. No friends or social life. She has been out two nights since January.
I want to reconcile but it is getting tough not to get down. Kids are great and seem to realize what is happening and who is driving it. No one expected this that I have talked to.
W is not talking to her lawyer or pushing things. Took over 3 weeks to get the papers to my lawyer for me to sign...Her L also sent me an e mail on Easter morning saying that W and he were writing up final settlement proposal on Wed. this week and he hoped it would be amicable. Nice touch...while at brunch with w and Kids...
She blames me for her unhappiness. D 19 is not coming home this summer. This news hit at same time she started this spiral to D. I think it is menopause and depression. She seems to snap every once and a while into detachment or meanness.
this weekend...Well out of town and in separate hotels.. nice day watching S in a championship.. I was pleasant but separate car, timing... not together 75% of the game time.. W invites me shopping around dinner. I say I will head to store. We meet in parking lot. She is leaving I am arriving.... no mention of dinner...
One minute it is like we are married... the next separated. funny how when we are alone is when she is the most "separated". When others are around, you would not know we were even having marriage trouble. Keeping with 180. Turned off my phone. Won't see her until game time tomorrow.... then will spend even less time with her. I am acting like we are done... but still hopeful.
On a crazy note, W told youngest S that it will work out better if he is with me as primary and I stay in the house since she can't afford it... her lawyer must have explained things..... or she wants her freedom without S around.... still sounding very interesting. OM????? OW????? hmmmm.
Any ideas? next steps?
__________________ Any update Hydin? Just caught your story and marvel at the destruction left in the wake of people "finding themselves" on the couches of individual counselors. Still you need to rule out an extra-marital affair. It may have been going on quietly behind the scenes for years and they've gone dark while she "handles" divorcing you. Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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