A friend who would support posow in any way isn't a friend. WHO WERE THE VICTIMS HERE? You support THEM.

I know your friend is trying to be politically correct here and feels in the middle, but I'd hand to my bff a copy of the latest gossip mag and have her read it (one with sadly Maria and Ah-nold on the cover) and ask her which team would she be on? Team Maria or the posow (I call that ow "brownbagger" b/c of the obvious reason). Tell her what would she do if she read about your situation? Who would she hurt for exactly?

If she didn't change sides, I'd tell her that the hurt and pain inflicted on YOU by your WH and other so called friend is why you can't be around her. And I'd tell her that SHE caused it. The onus is NOT ON YOU, it is on the friend, the posow, and your wh right now. You're innocent and you'd wish to have supporters, not detractors and esp not have a friend secretly stab you in the back by being friends w/ow.

Is OW's H not also a victim though? It would seem, then, that the only reasonable recourse is for the friend to dump both couples, since partners in each have demonstrated moral depravity.

Exactly. But in my situation, I found that the neighborhood was not willing to do this and wanted to remain loyal to both BS. Which basically meant that they still socialized with not only the BS but also the WS.

This did not work for me so I removed myself from the neighborhood.

When is the polygraph scheduled for AEK1?

(Pokerface - can't tell you how similar your situation is to mine)

She was good friends with owh. How can I expect her to drop him for me. She is trying to be fair...

Think I will have to drop her. I don't think that they socialise but their kids are in the same class and will be for the coming years whereas we are leaving in 6 weeks. I have tried to warn her about this woman but she feels she needs to be fair.

It's so unfair isn't it. May be our friendship will survive or can be revisited once we are recovered. How long does full recovery take? I am feeling so much more confident now.
He wants to make this work.

I have drafted a letter to the ow. Not sure if it's a good idea. It made me feel better writing it though. I want to hurt her; is that normal. I know if I send it it may back fire and it could get messy/open the wounds again.
However I want her know in black and White that my h didn't love her ... She was just a sexual addiction.
My h has read hnhn and is keen for me to catch up... He says it's a great read and it has helped him see the A for what it was and that our M is far more valuable. He is following all the rules.

NC is for both of you! Definitely don't send her a letter!

Great to hear your H is reading...

It's hard as his job dictates where we live. He is committed to us; I can feel it. I believe we will be ok. The hnhn book has really helped both of us. He is quoting segments at ne and has taken it on board.

Hate Monday's as threat of seeing her but each Monday is better...

Aek! This is sooooo unhealthy for you and your R! NC is #1 step of recovery for both of you.

You need to brainstorm and figure out a solution so that you won't have to see the OW anymore.

Here are some ideas: Do you have a friend or family member that can help you drop the kids off? Can you go to the school 15 minutes early? I don't know how old your children are but can you drop them off down the street and have them walk a bit so that you don't have to pull into the school??

I am avoiding her most days. Sometimes I see her car but that's about it. Thankfully. The joint friends is more of an issue...
We are def getting there with the help of marriage builders.
Still a long journey but seems more achievable.
It will help when the kids leave the school.

Things continue to go in the right direction. I havent' see OW at school for ages now which is good. Sadly when the news first broke people accused me of harassing her....and stalking her - all complete lies. Somebody even heard a story about me breaking in to her house....what rubbish. I guess she was spreading the rumours to make her look better - and it worked. This hurt me a lot. She has told many people that she really loved my H which also hurts - she's almost using it as an excuse to gain support......when will she get her downfall? I know I should want that but I seem to have been punished from all directions yet she still has her house, job and her kids are still at the wonderful school my H created....all so wrong. Do you believe in what comes around goes around?

I don't believe "what goes around comes around," not in this life anyway. If it actually worked that way, there wouldn't be so many innocent people hurt by creeps. Rain falls on the just and unjust alike. I would LOVE to hear that the OW in our case was hurt in some way (yes, there it is, I said it) but it's not necessarily likely to happen. More than likely, she will continue to live her life without consequences of the pain she helped to contribute to my life. I can only take comfort in the fact that I have my husband back and that she didn't "win."

I can't imagine the constant threat of having to run into her, though. I'm glad we live nowhere near her. Yuck.

(((AEK1)))

I know exactly what you are saying. I was painted as the psycho jealous wife. And people believed it because she was soooo good at lying and playing the victim. She basically got off scott free with her life intact. While my life (and my family's) was devastated and will never be the same.

I DO believe that she will get what is coming to her (both your OW and mine) because they have not accepted any blame or faced any consequences. OW has not changed and continues with her self serving behavior because she can. It is just business as usual.

It is only a matter of time until she hurts someone else and then people will begin to see her true colors. It may take awhile - but it is coming.

Someone once told me "Whenever you think of revenge...think of digging TWO graves". This is so true. AEK1, the OW will dig her own grave all by herself. You do not have to help her.

bigkahuna,

I like your name. I tried unsuccessfully to find your thread but I guess it was lost in the big crash that I keep reading about.

It is disturbing how often this story plays out and how often it is exactly the same.

It is great that we all found each other here for support.

Another indication that she has not changed and is not cleaning up her side of the street. Destroying a family is NOT love. She is dangerous and remains a threat to your M and others.

It is unlikely that this happened, because bk has been here for about 5 years, and the crash was in 2009.

Click on his name, then "view posts", then "topics created'. His thread, if he had one, is likely to be there.

Not everyone has a thread, though. I'm one of the annoying people who never started one. My story is scattered all over other people's threads!

Thanks SugarCane.

I guess I am one of those annoying people also. My tiny thread was started well into recovery and deals only with the part about OW using her kids to interject herself back into my life (take note AEK1... I did not move far enough).