Hey all...well I guess I should start with my story...
I found out about my Husband's affair in September 2010. The affair had been going for only two weeks. I confronted very emotional..did the whole crying thing and yelling and even hitting. My husband tell me he doesn't know if he loves me anymore blah blah blah, I exposed the affair to his family and even posted it on facebook. Still the affair didn't stop. Even worse he started to talk about the OW to me like I was just a friend to him or something... Well 8 months have passed and in that time I let my emotions take over my decisions. The days that I succeeded in controlling them and not fighting my husband and I had wonderful times together. He even told me he loved me again. He says he doesn't want to be a family with OW because he doesn't want to care for her kids. Well after good days and hoping for an end to the affair and it not happening, I would get frustrated and let my hurt and rage take over once again. I pushed him away every time and I knew it but I couldn't control it.
I moved into my own apartment with my 3 month old....yeah I was pregnant when I found out.........about a month ago. A week after I moved out, I found out that he went to go see her again. He was supposed to be home so I can take his daughter to him. Needless to say I let my rage kick in again and we got in a huge argument to a point where it turned physical. I hit him. He pushed me numerous times, lots of crying and screaming. Almost called the cops. So I told him he was crazy and until he got help that he can't see his daughter or me. Well he started seeing a psychologist two weeks ago. He's had 2 sessions already. I haven't seen him since our big fight but did speak and email with him up until a week ago. I have taken our daughter to see him. My brother-in-law gets her for me and takes her to him.
A week ago, I started the protection phase or NC not sure what its called here. I found out he went on a boat cruise with her. That was the last straw for me. He doesn't even seem like he's hurting from not seeing me. So I sent him the letter and asked him not to contact me until he ends his affair. He has emailed numerous times saying things like "I got a question" or "can you call me" He even made dinner one night and had his brother send some home with me. well after he emailed "can you call me" I email back my requirements for him to be able to contact me again. --end affair, change #, close email accounts, etc--and asked him again to stop contacting me unless he's ready to do all this. He emailed back "sorry I bothered you, I just wanted to say how much I admire what u r doing with D and he won't contact me again after this......
Now I'm here a week later, sad, depressed, and in huge need of support.
I wonder since I put myself in such a bad situation with the fighting and all, was it to early to go into protection phase? Shouldn't I have left a better image of myself with him first? I don't know I'm confused.....I know I needed it for myself, I'm at my wits end with this, but I also want my M back, I just don't know if I ruined any chance that he will come back.....HELP!
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Hang on in there, the vets will be along but seems you have done all you can for now, keep doing what you are doing, look after you....make yourself the most wonderful and amazing woman you can be, breathe in and out and repeat as necessary.

be amazing, show him what he threw away.........

Tired,

have you read the pages on the website about ending the affair?

Hopefully the experienced folks will come along with some suggestions for you. In the meantime read about the different plans on the site.

Cv

TBH, I read your thread through and it looks like you are trying a diluted version of Plan B. We usually suggest Plan B for BS who have already tried Plan A for a short period of time and the WS still does not end the affair.

I did not have to use Plan B, but many others here have and will hopefully be on shortly to give you more guidance.

Please read here for Dr. Harley's explanations of Plans A and B.

In the meantime, I'm giving you a link to a thread that will help you learn more about Plan B:
How to Plan B Correctly

Welcome to the forum, Tired.

You haven't done anything to cause this. It sounds like you need Plan B desperately. You call it "protection phase" so it sounds like you've been on another website.

Read up on the basic concepts and see if the Marriage Builders plan makes sense to you.

Stop worrying about what you are doing. Your husband is the equivilant of an addict right now. Your actions are not driving him -- his addiction is.

If this was going on since September 2010, and you tried but he wouldn't leave her, then I'd say you did the right thing with going to a Plan B.

I'd suggest trying to button it up a bit, get an IM, segregate finances if you can, and go completely dark here.

Hi again everyone. Thank you all for your imput. WH called me today using my BILs, who is acting as our IM, phone. BIL didn't know. I've been doing so good on the NC. I've ignored emails and had them routed directly to my trash box, I blocked his phone # from texting or calling. He has tried every excuse possible to get me to conversate with him. Until now I have resisted. I guess you can say he caught me off guard because he managed to get me talking for 1/2 hr! I'm going very dark now! And it looks like I'm going to be looking for another IM.