My husband and I married within nine months of meeting. Within a year we both worked at the same high school and our marriage seemed to be growing, not without hard times, but all marriages have them. He began seeing a student and was caught and fired before more than a kiss was exchanged. I remained by my husband�s side due to my commitment to marriage and renewed trust in him that the behavior would stop. Two years later we had our first child and then a year and a half later I became pregnant with the second. While I was pregnant the second time my husband decided he was unhappy and wanted to leave. This was very much a sucker punch to me as I had no idea there was a problem. He stated that he was not in love with me and that I could do better than him. He also told me that he had been talking to a woman he knew through work who was married and her husband had told her the same things he was telling me. I begged him to go to one counseling session with me and then if he could not work on the marriage we would take action as needed. He did go with me and promptly returned home to pack. He went to stay with some friends for nine days and visited an old college friend before returning to me and his child. We went to counseling for three months (until the baby was born and the preacher felt we didn't need it) and he began to understand that marriage is something that we both must work on. This was in May of 2008, which is when our second daughter was born. Our marriage really grew from both of these experiences and I just knew he would never do this again. In July of 2009 I got yet another sucker punch to the gut when my husband told me he was unhappy, no longer in love with me and thinking about leaving. Now he tells me that he went on a date with and kissed the woman he knew from work back in the winter of 2008. Again, I begged and pleaded that he stay, offering counseling and anything else to show him leaving was not the way. On August 19 he told me he would be out in two weeks. I had prayed so hard for an answer, and although this answer was certainly not one I wanted, it was an answer. I felt a huge weight lifted all of my shoulders. We signed separation papers on Sept 4th. Throughout the year that followed my husband did try to come back without showing much change. While attempting to get me back he also was going after other women. (I also began seeing someone else; I feel I should be sure not to mislead you that I was waiting around on him.) I was watching him for change and a possible way to reunite our family, but did not see one. He was seeing a different woman from work that helped him pick out my birthday present the July before when he told me he was unhappy. My husband claims to have never had sex with any of these women. He has been on dating websites and has confronted a hostess of a restaurant. The hostess had a lawyer send him a letter stating that if he didn�t stop confronting her she would have a restraining order placed on him. Through all of this I struggle with my decision to make the divorce final. He has showed some change but still shows a lot of depression and lack of motivation to take responsibility for his actions and his family. The man that I began dating has asked me to marry him and has even found a nice home for us to live in. I hate that my children will grow up in a broken family and cannot stand when they leave me for the weekend. I know that God is in control and that only God gives the kind of peace that I felt when my husband decided to leave. When he tried to come back all of my weight returned. It�s so hard for me to understand why he can�t make a decision and stick to it. He wants me back but doesn�t want to put real effort in it. I know that the devil can make things look wonderful and I fight with myself daily to try and decide what is the devil and what is God. I can never be proud of the things that my ex-husband has done, but I have forgiven him every time, including this time. I need a lightening bolt to tell me that I�ve made the right decision. I am making myself crazy.

This is very confusing. Are you separated? Divorced? Where does your H live? Are you now having an affair too??

Can you please break this up into paragraphs? It is almost impossible to read.

We are divorced and I did not begin seeing someone until after we were legally separated. My ex husband lives one town over from where I do.

Are you divorced or only legally separated? How long have you been divorced?

I have been divorced since December 2010.

So your ex was with five women (that you know of) and frequented dating websites. I believe he is a serial cheater (who could have gone to prison if the contact with the student had gone any farther). I think you are better off without him.

I tend to agree with you but struggle with my faith through all of this. Accoding to him, and for some reason I believe it, he did not have sex with these women. I know that it is still cheating according to the Bible but it also keeps me confused. He claims to have changed (just like before of course) but this time pulls God and faith into his explanation. My trouble is explaining and understanding myself that having faith in God and having faith in the ex are different.

You could still make it work with a serial cheater but I would want to have a poly (to make sure you had the full truth), and he would have to be willing to make radical changes and implement EPs and completely integrate his lifestyle so that all of his free time was with you. It doesn't sound like he is anywhere near that so why bother? He will just keep cheating!

This is one of the oldest lines in the wayward handbook. Don't believe a word of it. Do you really think he was being chaste and just holding hands during the times he was with them and away from you? Please.

undone, you appear to be a woman of faith. Your ex knows that and is now exploiting and manipulating you, throwing around religious and faith-oriented references to get you to pony dance with him. Don't fall for it.

You don't have to explain anything to him regarding your decision to remove yourself from his toxic life. He's not a stupid man. He knows why.

Yep. Cheaters lie. They're really good at it.


Yep, again. This man knows how to push your buttons. It's time to go very low contact with him. Do not communicate about anything except issues concerning your child. Start doing all communication in writing.

Your personal healing from this farce of a marriage depends on it. Remember, he broke his vows and you are divorced. It's time to let go.

I know that you are right, and appreciate your words. I torture myself daily. I am praying hard about it and working through it.

undome, I usually am for saving a M.

I have concerns with your XH. First his inappropriate behavior with a student and your statement even though it was not more than a "kiss". That is pedophile behavior. How old was the girl.

Your XH might be a sexual addict. His actions with the hostess and having legal action taken against him is troubling. It does not seem he has a moral compass at all.

I know you are struggling with being a broken family. Have you read Matthew 5:32? Divorce is only allowed for adultery.

Move forth with your life.

Blessings.

The girl ws 17 and recently I learned that he looked up what could've gotten him the title "registered sex offender" and to his delight 16 and under does that.

One of my biggest struggles with the other women is that he never wanted to have sex with me. I never deprived him of this, as you hear other men joke about, and was turned down almost daily by him until I stopped trying. It is a miracle in of itself that we have children. It is why I believe him when he says he didn't have sex with these women. I know that he didn't with the 17 year old because I read all of the emails after the fact in the superindent's office. I can say that had he not gotten caught, he would have. I have read Matthew 5:32 and this does bring me peace.

So much of what he does seems to be for selfish reasons and rarely for more than show.
There are days when he seems normal and these are the days I struggle. If he could just be who I know he is capable of being then there would not be problem.
My heart is broken for my children and I just wish things were different.

undone, I just want to say that my H and I have had many problems with SF. I never wanted to have sex with him. However, I didn't have any problem at all having sex with my OM. Now, I understand that it was because he was meeting my EN.

It seems that your H is lying, and I know this as a WW myself. Shamefully, we lie, we cover up and we can't be trusted. We get foggy, and your H seems to be thick in the middle of it. I'm no expert, but I know what the fog is like.

You seem like a person of faith. If you look at Joseph's life in Genesis, he was faced with cheaters, liars and persecution throughout much of his life. But he remained steadfast in his faith in the Lord... and he was rewarded. In rough times, God is slowly positioning you for greater and bigger works. Stay strong and be patient. This will demonstrate well for your children too..

God bless you! and good luck!!!