Why can't people see through the OW. Why do the victims get all the blame. OW has painted her to be the remorseful person that wears no make up and looks like she has been crying all the time. Why are people flocking around her and being her friend....I dont get it! I have be blamed for all sorts - harassment, bullying, you name it...and I have done nothing except had my life ruined. I hope one day she suffers....sorry but I do.

Well that would last about one nanosecond with me around. If I saw her out in public and she was going around with the "po po ho me" look, I'd call her out in public.

I'd say to her, D*MN STRAIGHT YOU BETTER CRY, because you almost ruined my family, you and my husband broke MY heart and broke the heart of MY children, and you go around crying? You should be bloody too right now, from being down on your knees begging me to forgive you.

But people believe her. She tells them I harass her, they believe her. She even told people I broke in to her house....She is such a liar. Thankfully my H now sees that and I believe he is committed to MB and working things out. He has read more of the books than me.....and I have a stack of them beside my bed. We have had a positive 10 days - I still wake up thinking about the A - when does this stop - please don't say 'never!'

I hope she is unhappy but I really don;t think she is - people are nice to her. Her H has so much money that she gets everything she wants. He seems to be just getting on with it and it's business as usual.

I don;t think people can do this without the help of MB - I have already shared the word with many friends who are having trouble.

Pray for these stupid lost disillusioned souls that they do not become her next target. These people are idiots if they cannot figure out for themselves to question the word of a woman who would sleep with her own friend's husband for 15 months. I mean come on ... really?

You will only stop thinking about it when you remove yourself from the drama. Then it will slowly start to fade. It is normal for the anger to continue and to pop up totally unexpected. Find ways to positively deal with it. I think it was mentioned that you to start a journal. That sounds like a good idea.

Don't take it out on H who sounds like he is trying. But he needs to find a job away from that area. He needs to be willing to do whatever it takes to protect his family.

Oh and when you do move, that vindictive OW will find someone else to be the enemy and to keep herself entertained. It won't be fun anymore when you are not around.

Yeah - I never had it all in one place either - only posted bits and pieces. The affair was over by the time I found MB and we were into recovery so there never seemed any need to post it or to ask for advice. I did everything pretty much correctly intuitively.

About 5 years actually - and that's if you get the full truth and recover your marriage.

Speaking of 'full truth' you are ignoring my questions about the polygraph.

Should my girlfriends also be weary of my H then? Will he approach them or are WW more dangerous?

Polygraph is booked for next week....def nor ignoring anyone on here... Your advice is invaluable.

Sugarcane.... You did it all alone with no advice.... How on earth did you do this?

Moving in July... Thank goodness. Cutting ties with friends here will hurt as it will feel as though she has won.. But atleadt she hasn't got my H.

Frustrated that people have previously believe her silly stories... ESP the senior people at school who seemed to protect her... Quite twisted. Is the scorned woman always the one that is poorly treated by others? I guess others are a little scared of OW and in my case all my friends/patents know that she is staying at the school and we are leaving,.. I dislike people who are that shallow.

I don't understand the question. - members of the opposite sex must always be careful that they don't meet intimate EN's of the other person else they can fall in love with them. One of the major ways you affair proof your marriage is by having boundaries aroung opposite sex interactions. - extraordinary precautions.

So your husband is only a danger to them and their marriages if he is for instance talking to them about your marriage problems or theirs.

I think a part of it is that they see you as defective because you weren't a good enough wife to keep your husband from straying. I know that I experienced this as well. I often wonder how OM'sW was ever able to have a relationship with OM after all their friends supported him in his affair with my wife. It's a really weird dynamic. Mind you OM'sW got together with OM after they both had an affair on their first marriages.

AEK1 - people in the wider community just don't understand anything about adultery. Look at Arnie and Maria Schriver - unfortunately there will be many people in the community that will say she deserved it or she wasn't a good wife.... It's just the way it is. Even your best friend thinks she has to be 'fair' to both sides. The fact that OW was a home wrecking whore who tried to destroy you and your family isn't really a consideration. I don't get it either.

One thing that bk did wholeheartedly was MOVE AWAY from the neighbour/OM. He let his house and moved right away, and only went back when the neighbour/OM eventually moved away.

I did it badly. I am not recommending my path to anyone.

I lived through about 6 D Days in 3.5 years. Only when I began browsing Dr Harley's articles was I able to get my H to give up his travelling job (at 3.5 years). it was only 6 months after that, though, that I actually began reading the advice on the forums, and saw how hard people here pushed exposure to the other BS. I had had the other BS's personal details in my possession (from the Internet) for nearly two years and had never dared to use them. I told myself that I would be breaking up a marriage and I could not do that.

Having read (but not posted) here, I exposed to OWH at nearly 4 years (in 2007). The EA was dealt a blow, but again contact resumed after many months, entirely at my H's workplace, which I could not monitor. I found out about that contact last month. My H has left his job altogether now, and we signed up for the MB online course just last week. I only NOW feel that we are doing things properly and not winging it.

I re-exposed to OWH and also to our extended family, who have rallied round with the most amazing love. I had never told them before. I had told my kids, but not about how serious things were. Telling them properly this time, and making my H speak to each of them and apologise and promise to work to keep our family together, has built in an extra layer of accountability that will be hard for him to escape from.

I did a lot of this all alone with no advice, but with great cost to my emotional health, and to the marriage. The levels and amount of deception that my H engaged in have made it hard for me to gather enthusiasm for yet another attempt at recovery, but using the MB programme properly for the first time, with him on board, is making all the difference.

Got really upset today as heard that OW is playing tennis regularly with people who I still consider friends. Their excuse is they like playing tennis, they feel sorry for her as she is lonely and because they are giving my H a 2nd chance they feel they should also extend this forgiveness to her. I find it SO hard as I am lonely. I hate the thought of dropping all my friends....she wins again. But I guess they have a point.

I have tried to explain to my friends that I find it hard and that it triggers feelings and hampers my recovery but they don't get it......aching.

Don't expect them to understand and you won't be disappointed. You need to move in different circles to OW even if it means you have to get new friends and hobbies. Your husband is just as guilty for the affair as the OW. If your friends care more about OW than you there's nothing you can do about it.

This is why you need to move away. The only people who get it are those who have been in it.

How do I stop them thinking I am a nutter???? They think I am making an unreasonable demand...so I loose my house, my jobs and my friends....

(((AEK1)))

Not much you can do except hold your head high and look them in the eye.

Trying trying......it's hard as it makes me feel lonely. I am surprised that so many people want to be her friend......strange really - they must see what she has done to me. My H seems fully on board with the MB programme and has read HNHN and LB - he thinks that they are amazing. I would consider flying to the US for a MB weekend but I never heard back from the team.