TornBrokenApart,

You need to keep yourself really busy with doing things, do not let your mind go there, when it pops in your mind just say I am not going there and redirect yourself, keep doing this over and over again and you will retrain yourself with positive feelings and thoughts over time.....
This is for you, not him, forget him for now. He dosen't deserve the time you are wasting on him right now......
Heal yourself first............Being without him does not mean YOUR life is over.
You have a lot of living to do and a lot of happy times to enjoy with your kids and family.........
focus on that.......do not give him the power..............

JT Thank you! I am usually over the course of a day okay. I take care of kids and myself. I read alot. This feeling of helplessness and loss of control only comes when WH visits. I am trying to stay on Plan B , but I really want to find them and give them a good piece of my mind. OW lives so close, it would be easy to see if his car is parked there. But JT , I know it will break my heart all over again, and I cant. Even typing this , I cant stop crying. A good thing though is that as I discuss moving with my family, I realize , my WH wont have a reason to ever come back up here to see OW 4 hours away, since our kids and I will be 2 hours away only. Lets see how their long distance affair handles that.
I am focusing on passing my certification exam on Saturday. I am nervous, but I have to pass . Also I am ready to apply for jobs in the new town I want to move to. I am also keeping busy looking for homes to rent.
He will be here @ 12 pm or so, I will not like this. I have an attached garage, so since our 2 1/2 year old can walk, I will open screen door, send baby out after peeking thru window that his car is there, and I have placed baby bags just outside door. I think he will get the point , that I mean it , no more coming in my home, or seeing me. I am not his SECOND CHOICE any more.

Good for you, he'll get the message with the bags if he hasn't already. And good luck on the upcoming exam, hope it goes well!

TA,

Congrats on graduating! Have you decided if you are going to move close to his parents yet?

You have had such a lot to deal with, and have handled it very well! Your children must be very proud of you, even though most times boys don't say so! You are a shining example to them how to handle adversity with grace and dignity. Please know this and be proud of yoursel!

ba

Congratulations on graduating! And with honors!

Keep on being strong! You are doing great!

Holy Moly! I have made a mess. Not a big one, but a mess.

Thursday-Court for child support went well. I got 25% of his gross pay and income assignment of it. I did not look at him during court and during our parenting class. We are okay doing parallel parenting, and actually the class teacher recommends it. But gave me no info on it really.
Friday- We agree thru IM to WH dropping off our youngest @6 year olds play . He gets there and hands me our son, I do not look at him. He says to my back "I cant stay , have a long ride and have to work". I keep walking.
On my way home, I drive past OW apartment building. I see my WH truck...I block him in and knock on door closest to his truck.Lo and Behold after much scrambling in there, my wh opens door. I put my child down and hand both wayturds my mind. I let her know she is a homewrecker and hurt my kids. I think they both were pale as ghosts. My WH of course, stands protectively in front of her. OMG! But I let her know per our court order she is to have NO CONTACT with my kids. She stuttered and gasped. Guess he didn't tell her? Oh well. I told her I do not want her near my kids EVER. After a couple more choice words, I leave.
HE follows me home. HE is crying,I love her blah blah blah. I walk in and he follows. I am so pissed I am shaking at this point. I make coffee and tell him to burn in hell. Get out!WTH !
I tell him to choose, me or her. He wants no ultimatums. I sit and I swear everything he said I read about in this forum. They must have a playbook.
He leaves after a while of apologizing. But never asking me to reconcile. He then calls, says he is quitting job, moving home, but still wants divorce. I say NO. He then calls and says he wants me to accept her . I say NO. He then calls and says he is killing himself. I say GOD BLESS. He then says he lost job. I say OH WELL. He then says he is going to break it off even though he loves her but I wont let them be happy. I say PROVE IT. He say no.
Back to PLAN B.
Im ready get the 2x4's . I had to see it for myself though, I had to.

He also told me that if he breaks it off, I have to leave her alone and quit exposing!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Okay, you already know that you were going to get 2x4'd for this, so my question is, why did you do it?

How did this benefit you and your plan? How was this to your advantage?

You need to get dark and actually mean it. And, what do you mean that you were arguing over the IM? What you need to do is have an arrangement and tell the IM to notify your WH about any changes. You are going to need to use your IM as little as possible.

GET DARK AND DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN, EVER.

TA,

I am so sorry that you had to go through that! What a POS! Well, wayturds lie, that's what they do, to the BS the affair partner and most of all to themselves.

I hope you felt better confronting them, I know I would have. The only thing I will give you a 2x4 about is letting him into the house and allowing him to fog babble to you. That you don't need. And I am assuming the little one could hear, which isn't good. Tight plan B. Can you, or did you already, change the locks?

ba

Scotty- No benefit to me, but the fact I feel like crap all over again. I feel stupid now. She had no right to see my pain. I will never do this again. And what was I thinking? I don't want to be in this, but I am. No argument over IM. I will use her only to set up kids things. Finances are being handles through lawyers. I re-exposed to everyone again. I was so wrong. WTH was I thinking? I had never seen them together, I just felt that if I saw them together, I would feel like I knew the truth, instead of just seeing the evidence. As long as I live here, he has an excuse to travel here and see her. I need to move, but not until the kids are done in school. Crap! I want this nightmare to end. The kids dont want to move, but I know I cannot stay here if it means saving myself and the kids from this crap.I am scared...

BA - The locks are changed, but I let him walk right in behind me. Why? I need to get more self control.. I just want him to want us, we want him. Why doesn't he want us?

Well, I had a really bad day. Went backwards really bad. I am in Plan B, but I dont think WH will care. He is too busy being in love. While I sit back and mop up the mess. I am scared and do not want to lose my marriage,yet I do stupid stunts like today and mess up my own progress.
Where is the man I loved? The man who was a good father and husband? Who would never in a million years talk to me like that? Disrespect like that in front of a nobody? What is that ? Why am I still sitting here hoping?

Torn, are there any more court dates or parenting classes when you will have to see him? Obviously that triggered this chain of events since you were doing pretty well beforehand...so hopefully that can be avoided.

Oh, and no more driving by OW's apartment!!

As hard as it is, just try to remind yourself that he is completely lost right now and you need to focus on getting yourself to a good place for yourself and your children, since that is something that IS actually under your control.

His A WILL fall apart. Whether you will still be waiting is another matter...

Dust yourself off and get back up. You can do this!

TBA, I totally know how you feel. Right now, I'm somewhat struggling with the whole Plan B thing, too. I have had some good days and some bad ones. I just hope and pray that something miraculous will happen that will end all of this madness.

I'm with you and know too well all what you are going through. I guess we'll have to trust the process and believe that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to.

Susie- No more court dates or classes. Just the final court date for the divorce . I do not know when that is though. I have to hand in a parenting plan and if anyone has any ideas please share with me.
Mark-I am with you... I want this to end, but I have to trust this MB process, because it is all I can trust. I know it works, I read about it, but I want to be Plan recovery not Plan B.
I say to myself everyday , this is exactly where I am supposed to be. But I want to be more healed, more strong, not scared.
I held my son last night and apologized. He deserves to not see me do that. I lost my composure and THAT CANNOT HAPPEN.
I pray this affair ends soon. If not I pray also that me and the kids are ok.

Plan recovery would be a great place to be, wouldn't it? I don't know about you, but I've been in this ordeal for about 7 months now with 2-3 more to go. It has been the most draining experience in many ways, but exponentially rewarding in others.

I can't really say that I'm scared. I know I can make it own my own as I had basically been on my own since 18 with no support from family. I know I will survive. I just want my family.

I really relate to your thread.... just want you to know I am reading....

Torn, the further into Plan B you get, the better you feel. The urge to see what WH is doing is strongest when a break in Plan B happens. Just remember, every time that you break Plan B, you are feeding the affair. Yep, that's right, the affair gets a few more hours, days, weeks and even years because of the contact. Don't beat yourself up too badly for what you did do, just make sure you don't do it again.

Now, the emotional toll on you is what is the real reason not to break Plan B. You set your personal recovery clock back to zero. You have to do all of the work all over again. Sucked the first time, didn't it? It's not going to feel any better the next time.

As far as marital recovery, that is what we all come on here for, at first. that is the draw to this place. It is what keeps most of us here, fighting. I can honestly say, that after 17+months in Plan B, it doesn't really matter to me if I get the marital recovery, and sometimes, I genuinely don't want it. What DOES matter to me is my personal recovery. That I am getting, albeit slowly. It is a marathon, not a sprint.

You did, and are doing everything possible to try to save your marriage. If it doesn't get saved, it is because of your WH, not you. Now, you need to focus on saving yourself. When your WS has an A, and you discover it, it is like they pulled you into the muck with them. You need to heal, so you can pull yourself out of that muck.

At first, focus on the day to day things. Eating right, sleeping right, taking care of the kids, taking care of the bills, housework, etc. Every night, congratulate yourself for NOT breaking Plan B. Every morning, tell yourself that you won't break Plan B. Eventually, it becomes a way of life.

Hang tough.

Thanks to all of you.
Yes it sucks to be starting over. I took my certification exam today and I passed. I did it ! I had no sleep since I kept replaying the episode in my head all night long. Cried alot, but got up and drove 2 hours away, didn't think I passed, but I did!
WOW!
I am hurting but this will get better.

Torn

all 4 semesters of greek... I used to have nightmares before exams of declining nouns and conjugating verbs in greek all night long... I can relate... Congrats!!

Torn- good job on the certification, I'm sure you're glad to get that over with!

CV- when was the last time you spoke Greek? It's all Greek to me Sorry, couldn't help it.