W called tonite right after I got home late formwork and was trying to fix supper, keep the kids around long enough to feed them, and asked if she could hold off giving me money for the mortgage this week. MOrtgage is due 11-1. I gave her a weak,"I guess so" and she reponded with, "I hear the disappointment in your voice so I'll just give you money." "That will be a quick $1000 (her rent is due at the same time)gone." And then she hung up. I never even got the chance to think about it and we do have till the 16th to pay.<P>I guess what really bothers me is that she hasn't been paying much of anything. When she left left she promised she would buy all the kids clothing. She did the initial school shopping but the last two trips I ended up paying for all on the one trip and part of the other.<P>She also said she would pay for all the kids sports activities. I paid for our son's football and our daughter's basketball. She paid the first month of our daughters swim team dues but has yet to pay Oct and here it is almost Nov.<P>Also when ever we go somewhere with the kids she never has any money and I end up paying all the nickel and dime stuff they want. We were getting Chinese food last week and she couldn't money out of the ATM so I made her get it from another bank.<P>I'm not sure what she is doing with her money . I guess rent, and car payments are eating it up although she said she has a savings account which is more than what I have! I'm wondering if she is hoarding it away so if she decides not to come back she will have some cash.<P>I guess it would be big time love busting if I brought any of this up. But what am I supposed to do, go bankrupct ?<P>I would like to refinance, but I'm hamstrung there because if we divorce later then I'm screwed because then I won't be able to borrow additional money to buy her out. I guess if that happened then I could always get a loan. I guess I need to talk to either a lawyer or a finacial advisor to see what is the best way to protect myself financially.<P>

Far from an expert on this topic, but doesn't most of this financial stuff get worked out in a separation agreement??<P>If you have these types of financial concerns I would think you should get one drawn up right away -- even if you feel the act of doing it is going to finalize things.<P>Not doing so could put you (not to mention your kids) at a severe disadvantage again within this relationship.<P>Paul

But we are trying to recover and if i go to a lawyer that would be a big time lovebuster.

Hi RWD -<P>I would not broach the subject with her.<P>Keep doing what you have been...when it comes to the kids...if they need something pay for it if she doesn't.<P>Other than that - she is a big girl and has her financial obligations to meet - don't enable her not to meet them..<P>As far as finances.....you could talk with either a financial consultant or a lawyer....just for advice. No one needs to be retained for any kind of plans at the moment...you do need to know what directions are available for whatever scenario plays out with the marriage.<P>No one need know that you have obtained knowledge about such things...<P>Don't worry about the phone call...yeah, she might be ticked for a bit...but she is creating it - not you!! Sounds like you are someone who stays on top of bills and such....she should know that that is how you are!!! It isn't a lovebuster, I don't think.<P>She was trying to have it her way and it didn't work.....with all the other things she has not paid, she is getting off easy.<P>Hugs and you're doing good!!!<P>Sheba