After exposure have her packed bags by the front door, restate the boundaries, restate where your son stays , make it clear her affair fantasy does not involve your son even if OM divorces his wife, you will fight her affair all the way.

You can't force her to leave but the message will be clear how far you are prepared to go to fight her affair, no talk of done or given up.

elph,

I've been following your story here and on another site. It seems like you're fighting a war on two fronts, internally and externally. The righteous anger is consuming you and so is your wife's reprehensible actions. You need to come out of this battle whole. I would be spinning out of control, if I tried to make such important decisions so quickly.

I'd spend a few days on the internal fight, before you do or say anything concerning your marriage. You might need to get away to a friends place for the long weekend to hash things out. With a clearer mind you will come up with a plan you won't regret in the future.

Remember: No expectations. You can't control the actions of another person. Let God guide you.

The OM, his wife, their marriage are NONE of your concern after you have exposed to his wife.

YOUR marriage, YOUR actions are what you need to focus on. Who gives a rat's patootie if the OM called in sick?

I called the OM's VERY pregnant girlfriend at work to expose the final time.

Quit making excuses.

The more you wait for some sort of epiphany the more you regret. For becoming an enabler.

Elph you will be ok , expose this far and wide, to both families , including up and down the command structure at work. Do not reveal your spource, do not say you are done for, she will be stressed once she knows you are going to fight for your marriage, will oppose divorce and will want full custody of your son. Keep the pressure up.

My best bet is to expose and make their relationship uncomfortable as possible.

The dawning of the understanding of how the process works........

Look, your wife is all endorpined-up with affair-juice: Everything is ROSY, she has found her TRUE LOVE, they have a FUTURE together, husband will WALK AWAY peacefully, and all the birds will chirp!

This (nuclear exposure) is your opportunity to ruin her life, the life that supported and facilitated her affair.

It's not just their employers that have to receive this knowledge. EVERYBODY your wife knows, works with, associates with, and has familial ties to, must be informed. Her mother, siblings, cousins, old friends, clergy, hairdresser, etc, all have to receive the following message:

My wife is currently conducting a sexual affair with XXXXXXX. I am committed to ending this infidelity, and ask your support in showing her the way back to her marriage and family.

HIS family and friends get the following note:

XXXXXXX is conducting an illicit affair with my wife. I am trying to recover my marriage, and ask your help in advising him agaisnt continuing to interfere in our private lives.

Experience has shown that female family members HATE receiving these notes. I understand your wife and his Mom have some kind of relationship - that can work for you, or not, but you have nmothing to lose by putting it right in front of her.

That will not be effective because your wife already knows about the affair. Do you want to save your marriage or not? Telling your wife you know and you won't tolerate it [which isn't true] will be of no effect. So what if you know? What are you going to do about it? Nothing.

Do you want to listen to us and come up with a sane strategy or do you want to spin like a top?

THIS is an effective exposure. Send the letter I gave you to their employers. And I don't mean some goofy local manager that won't care, I mean to a key VP, the director of HR and both their supervisors.

Your biggest problem, elph, is that you are very unfocused and are allowing your feelings of rage to dictate your strategy. That will land you in jail if you are not careful.

And I would do this TODAY. You need to get this done so you can move onto the next step. Waiting is going to only escalate your fury.

Typical clueless therapist-speak. She could have looked in the bathroom mirror and 'found herself' for free. Those people are dangerous, I swear.

You've got time, elph. But you're blowing it, sitting there doing nothing. When are you going to expose this affair?

This is a classic wayward technique. She doesn't want anyone to know that she left you for her co-worker, because that would make her look bad. So she's dressing up the pig to make it look like you're this terrible husband, the marriage has been terrible for years, blah blah blah. She might even throw in that you are an abuser, just to make sure her co-workers are properly snowed.

Oh, yeah - that'll work, elph - NOT! Let her know that she's lost you as a friend??? Where did you get the idea she'll care one whit about that??? You're her husband, and she's screwing around on you! Big whoop, she'll "lose you as a friend". You've GOT to muscle up, here, elph!

Yep, exposure will probably lead to some temper on her part - that's normal and to be expected. Affairees don't like their dirty little secret to be exposed to the scrutiny of the whole world. That's the point.

I have sent the letter to the HR director for their division as well I'll be talking to there in power and in the store.

But she already knows how I gotthe info. I told her mom on d day back in April. I set the boundaries about them almost 2 months ago. Now I'm standing up for it. Sure I should've done the full exposure then. But I didn't. When people know I may have to furnish proof. Then my wife will find out how ( which she already thinks her phone is buggged so she's been acting a certain way and going thru her friends because of this).

I want to save my marriage. But it'll get to her real quick what I've done. Like I said her decision is made. I'll help her pack no prob. It's time to let her go. I've been watching this affair knowingly since late feb. I can't do it anymore.

And maybe by losing me she wake up.

But I'm not dealing with the affair anymore. I need to start focusing on my son and me. Put the energy there. If she wants to be with him. Fine good luck. But the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Who said help her pack? They said to pack for her.....BIG difference.

If you help her pack, says "here honey let me help you leave to be with the other man" you might as well give her motel money also. Packing FOR HER says a whole different story.

You can't?

You can change her mind about YOU. You can change her mind about her AFFAIR, and the damage it will do to HER, YOU, HER FAMILY, AND HER FRIENDS.

Maybe you can't FORCE it, but you can CREATE a loving, romantic relationship. It starts with a plan, and then action - and both of those are going to require commitment and backbone.

That will land you in jail if you are not careful.

And speaking as someone whose rage led me to spend a night in handcuffs, let me assure you it will not help your cause.

The reality is she's made her decision. This isn't a new or fresh exposure to her
I asked her in apr. To go nc. She hasnt don't it. And doesn't want to. And I'm tired of watching it.

She should go be sue. Experience it. See if it's better. It won't be. But I've got to move on in mt own way. My plan a wasn't working. So it's on to plan b. If he's so great then good luck. But she's the one who'll be missing out.

Plan A may not end the affair.
Plan A is also intended to present yourself and any future marriage with you as a fantastic option.
Being the very best "you" possible.

Plan A may not end the affair.

But, if YOU are working on self improvements and if YOU are learning something new every day .... then Plan A is working.

Plan A is carrot and stick.
Plan A is for a limited time.
Plan A prepares the way for Plan B.

Just because the WS is still living in stupidland, does not mean that Plan A is not "working".

Have you read

*** LINK ***

about the 80/20 rule?

What your WW will experience in Plan B (should you decide to do that) is life with the 20% and missing the 80%.

Plan B takes PLANNING.
Start planning.

I've been planning. I've been sitting on this for over a week.

But I cannot deal with the bs anymore. Let's see if he cam provide the 80 percent. I'm gonna provide for my son. Exposure is a go. But the letter needs to happen. I've given her a chance. I set my boundaries and she blew past them. It's time to do what needs to be done and hopefully she wakes up.

I agree.
Plan B is a good idea.

You must remain CALM and FOCUSED to Plan B correctly.
This is not NOT an emotionally-driven plan.

Can you do this unemotionally?
Without drama?