Bumped into OW this morning - first time for MONTHS - hideous. But nobody understands - they think I should be 'over it' now......argh!

I hear she is getting on with her life, off to the Monaco Grand Prix this weekend and having a pool built.....so throwing money at the problem I guess. How come her H has taken her back so willingly and she seems to have got off scott free - I don;t get it. Need to get her and everyone associated out of my wretched life. Not a good day.

I really need a new beginning - this is driving me nuts and not helping recovery to be honest.....which is what you have all been saying.....

H happy to write NC letter but I have said that this will stir things up - at a time when everything is calm I really don't want a mud slinging exercise!
Have found out that my alleged friend who is still seeing OW has had a fling before and the H doesn't know. Do I tell him? I think this would seem like revenge and isn't the right thing to do.....but now I have this knowledge I feel very uncomfortable. Or should I speak to my friend and say that I have heard this....but then I get the person who told me in to trouble. My instinct is to take this information to the grave.

Well if it was you what would you want? Would you have wanted your 'friend' to keep quiet about your husband's affair?

You can say something to her H, but without proof you'll appear to be vindictive. He already knows he's living with a cheater - he should know if she's a serial cheater, though.

Can you influence your friend to disclose this to her H? It may be received faster coming from someone other than you.

I don't think she's talking about the OW - she's talking about her friend..

I would want a friend to have told me about my husband.....

The information I have is not about OW it is about my friend who is still friendly with the OW. It is not on going and happened a while ago I think......

Oops - reading too fast without enough coffee in my system Thanks, bk.

Hello AEK1,

In the affair that my ex-brother and Mrs.Flint had my sister in law did not seem nearly as affected by it as I was...

Over time I have realized that it is because she did not lose nearly as much as I did...

My ex-brother had cheated on her, beat her, been a worthless husband and father for years and treated her horribly...

When the affair occured she had emotionally withdrawn from him years ago.

There was no longer an emotional attachement between them.

Finding out he was having an affair with his own sister in law really did not mean that much because...

She really didn't care anymore.

Mrs.Flint and I did.

The affair did not change the dynamics between them...

It did with Mrs.Flint and I.

That is why it hurt so much...

Mrs.Flint and I lost something...

She didn't.

The good news is...

You have something left to build on.

Your marriage isn't dead inside like your OW's is.

God bless.

Jim

Why do you think OW's marriage is dead. From what I hear he has forgiven her!

She has been forgiven!

AEK1,

People SAY a lot of things and toss around words like forgiveness, love etc.

My sister in law tells everyone how she has forgiven my ex-brother.

She told me in private that when she finishes nursing school and can support herself she will probably leave him.

We'll see.

I personally think she will just use him for his money and NEVER emotionally invest in him again...

Which I think is what your OW's BH is doing.

It's called EXISTING in the relationship..

NOT recovering the relationship.

I am leary of ANYONE saying they have FORGIVEN someone of such a soul destroying event so early in the recovery period.

Forgiveness takes a LOT of time and frankly of seeing that you can feel SAFE in the relationship.

A VERY LONG TIME.

Jim

That's not the same as healing, and it's definitely NOT recovery. But I wouldn't waste time worrying about her marital situation.

The karma bus always comes. Sometimes right away, sometimes later. Rest assured. It always comes.

I hope so.....I am determined to have a better day tomorrow. Sadly I saw her this afternoon too - she drove past me. She has a large "look at me' car so it is hard to miss her.

Make sure you carefully label your moving boxes, so you don't accidentally put the china in the spare bedroom. In other words, look forward. You won't have this to deal with much longer.

I also believe you reap what you sow. The Karma bus is coming for her.

Time wounds all heels (although not nearly fast enough

I also agree with Jim.

OW'sH may not be that invested in his marriage. He may also still be so hurt he's trying to move forward and claims he has forgiven her. But forgiveness in this is a long process and it depends a lot on the recovery of the marriage. He may even think he has forgiven her but talk is cheap.

Girlfriend ... you really need to make some new friends.

From the sound of it, they would most likely use it against you.

Personally, I would have H write it and let him believe that I was going to send it. Then once I had it, I would file it away with my other love letters from him. At this stage, I would view it as a gesture of love and commitment.

Its almost like getting married and not buying a ring. No it is not necessary ... but it is a symbol and a gesture that is important to me.

ITA. You don't know what's going on behind their closed doors. It may be nothing close to forgiveness or recovery. Not your problem, though