I started my new classes for college today and for the life of me, I can't concentrate. I had a bad dream about WH the other day, and I've just been depreesed for the past two days. I got a job interview on Friday. Oh and I finally got a new IM. That doesn't stop BIL from relaying messages from WH though. Yesterday WH told him to ask how my food was that he sent with DD and good luck on my interview. I didn't answer back. I think unless its about DD or bills, I won't even respond because I feel like WH is gettings his ENs met from my responses. Its dark plan B from now on!! Noplaying games anyomore.

Yes to not answering chit chat!

If you have not started taking medication yet for this depressing time in your life....please consider getting started. You want to be able to ride the situation and be able to do your coursework in school.
Medication may help you concentrate when it takes the edge off the rumination about your marriage.

Reading I thought about getting meds but I'm still breatfeeding my baby girl so I don't want to risk her health in any way. The depressing periods are starting to become few and far between, but when they hit, they hit hard!

I don't know, this might be a dumb question and I really don't know how to word it, but what are the ideal "signs" or actions from a WS that will show that there will most likely be a recovery instead of divorce? I'm not sure if there even is an answer for that or if I'm asking it right, but I'm just looking for some hope here...

From all I've read about Plan B, it's best not to drive yourself crazy looking for signs of repentance from a wayward spouse while in Plan B.

Plan B is to protect you from the hurt their actions cause. Work on yourself, raise your baby and do the things that will improve your life. Be with supportive friends and family. Plan B is for YOU.

51cd30, I'm trying! Most of the time I'm good but when I get in these little sad states I tend to think of things like that. I know its going to take some time, but I want to be able to just focus on me and DD for a change instead of WH. Its just so hard! I keep on wondering what I could've done or shouldn't have done to get him to end his A. I know these thoughts do me no good and I know I shouldn't worry about signs or whatever, but its easier said than done.

I understand about the meds and bfing.

Well, the hope to look to is

you.

You are doing what any human does when betrayed and out of contact with their beloved. You constantly run through ifs and what ifs and so on. It sucks.

The hope is how you are handling it not the signs in the wayward. You gotta 'get' that you never ever really needed him for happiness that he was your friend and lover but he has to be totally standing up for the friendship and love to be worthy of you.

He might never be but you will need to be in a place where you are fine either way and it will happen.

YOU will get there and that is your hope.

It is tough not looking at possible scenarios of him deciding he chooses you and how he would show that but it is the very thing you have to aim for.

Have you discussed meds with your OB? Because when you're bf'ing and having serious depression, there may be hormones in your milk affecting your baby anyway. I know that women who have postpartum depression take ADs, so there is probably something out there that is safe for both you and the baby.

Please don't discount ADs without doing some research and discussing it with your doc. There are downsides to NOT taking meds, too.

I suffered from postpartum depression, took ad's and breastfed. Talk to your OB. They can guide you . Tell them exactly whats going on. They will understand and help you to get on something that wont affect the baby, but will help you.

Torn

I am breastfeeding and haven't gotten on meds too, but maybe I should...

Thx all, I'm going to make an apt with my dr. to see what my options are. I'm feeling a little weak on the NC today. I almost found myself sending him an email, but then I thought about how I feel everytime we have contact and knowing he's still having an A. That stopped me dead in my tracks! Getting better at this day by day!

Mehr, it seems we have a lot of similarities in our situations. I'm sure you've posted this in your own post, but how long has your WHs affair been going on?

When does it count as starting.... he started talking to her on the phone at the start of December somewhere, so an EA... but it didn't get physical until like a week or two before D-day March 7... at least that's the best I can figure out

I just added that to my signature

Ok I see. Well as you can see my WHs A started in August. It started out as a PA. He's a club dj, so you can see how that could've happened. She's a single mom with 2 kids. Her family knows about the A and they don't approve, but this sl*t is just as selfish as my H and really doesn't give a rats behind what anybody thinks. They flaunt they're "relationship" to all our friends from our old city where she lives. They knew he was cheating with her but they do the same to their wives so its not a big deal to them. WH tells them all that we are not together anymore since I left him so now they all think they are in a real relationship instead of an A. I'm not sure about the srate of their relationship now, but last I saw and heard, they are way past the soulmate stage and she's starting to demand things from him. Hopefully this is the beginning of the end of their little fantasy but who knows. WH has told me that he thinks he's hurt me to much and will never be able to fix our marriage. Maybe that's holding him back, who knows.

Oh well, I'm focusing on me now. What happens with them is their problem. I'm out of that little triangle!

Tiredbuthopeful, Good for you!

Do you have any good family or friends close by that you can lean on for emotional support? I don't have children at home anymore, but when D-Day happened and I was thinking of my options, I wanted very badly to go somewhere where I could stay busy and also be loved. I seriously considered going to stay with my folks for a few months. FHW and I had just moved to this new place very far away with his job, and I had absolutely no one I could talk to about this, except for our very busy chaplain. Was quite lonely. With a baby in arms....well, I just can't imagine how difficult it must be for you now.

I know it's very easy to say to focus on yourself and your baby and not to ruminate on WH, but I know in truth that it's very very hard to carry out. I agree with the others about the ADs. You may be able to continue breastfeeding while on meds; there is some controversy in the news, so do some research as well as obtaining the doctor's opinion. ADs are a godsend to many folks.

Yup, I think its the controversy about the ADs and babies that has concerned me. I don't want to risk my little angel's health. I have been using meditation and self hypnosis. I know this sounds weird, but it really works! That and yoga. These got me through my pregnancy while I was still living with WH for those horrible 8 months. I'm so mad that he took my experience of being pregnant for the first time away from me. This was supposed to me the best time of my life! Instead it was the worst experience I will probably ever go through. I almost hate him for that!

I'm in,the same position as far as friends and family. No one here but his fam. They are very supportive but you know blood is thicker than water. They can only help so much. I'm slowly building up my group of friends, but don't want to dump all my dirty laundry on a new friend! I am seeing a psychologist. She's helping me a lot too.

I see a lot of BSs on this forum that are getting treated awfully by their WSs. My WH hasn't done that throughout this whole ordeal...Of course we had our fights, but they were usually initiated by me. He has never threatened to with hold money from me or take me to court. He never brought up D, as a matter of fact he said he didn't want to cuz then it would really mean its over between us. I actually did bring up D and went as far as printing out the D forms. He actually begs to see DD more often, and he still calls me his best friend.

are we an acception, or has therr been other BSs that have went through this with their WSs?