Yeserday I asked my W out for dinner( been seperated for 10 months, but not first time to have dinner ). I told her to call and tell me if she wanted to go. She did not respond. Well I called her at work today , and she asked if I was calling about dinner. I said yes and she said ok. ( thats good ). I told her that I also invited a friend of mine and her boyfriend to go also.<P>I told her that the OW( not a affair and never will be just a FRIEND )wanted to see our new baby. She said I would like to go eat dinner but didnt want to go with people she did not know. She went anyway.<P>Earlier in the day my mother in law called and asked about other women. I guess cause I had told them how I felt about my W and wanted to work out our marriage. I told her the same as I told yall JUST FRIENDS and thats all that it is. ( I would never ever do somthing like that )<P>Anyway we wnet to dinner. The other couple kept on asking me why I was not being my self. ( laughing and cutting up like usual ). Now that my W and I have been apert for so long I'm nervous again.<P>The dinner was okay but my W seemed up tight. I think it was because of her. She also said to W that she aughta go out with us ( a group of friends ). Said when I go they all have a good time. I know my wife didn't like to her that, but it is true. My W used to have a good time at first then after our first kid she said I was showing my A$#. <P>My W made several comments that embarrassed me like " when I find a babby sitter I don't want to go out with my ex-husband" , and I have been out with you before I know hou you are. IB don't know if you have been following my threads, but that is not like her.<P>The night ended and we said our good byes. I called her when I got home and told her I was sorry for her being so uncomfortable. She said she didnt feel that away untill the comments. <P>I'm rambling on there is more, that is plenty to read fo now. I messed up tonight by letting her meet some of my new friends I think. I shouldn't have to hide the should I?<P><BR>Thanks<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

I need some input

Hi Brownphd -<P>I'm sorry that I missed your last thread - I was having a mental moment which as you know are just OH so wonderful!!!<P>Slow down a little here....you have me confused....<P>You asked you wife to dinner and who went? The OW was part of this couple that you went with....or that was a separate woman who went and the OW seeing baby was just another bit of conversation.....?<P>Clarify please!!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>PS - I'm here and will reply with help if I can once I understand what you are saying.....OK?

I am not sure I understand this but here goes. I assume you had an affair but it was not with the woman you had dinner with when you went out with your wife? You called her thw OW so that confuses me. I think if her wife thinks she is the OW then it was not a good idea. I don't think you should have to hide your friends ( if that is all they are) but if you want to work on your marriage if I was your wife I would want to be with my h by myself. Your marriage is your top priority, not meeting your friends. Spend time on improving your relationship with your wife. When that is better then introduce your friends. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I'm not sure I understand your whole story, but I know that I have paid close attention to interactions with my H and all other women. My H also says that there was nothing between him and Cafe Woman but just casual friendship, but I tolerated his continued association with her (even though he knew how I felt about her) for far longer than I should have. <P>Bottom line: If I feel uncomfortable about his relationship with any other woman, H must respect my feelings enough to give up whatever friendship he has with this person if he wants to rebuild a marriage with me.<P>I suspect that your wife may feel that the continued association with the lifestyle of your friends (if your group of friends tend to be kinda wild and crazy, y'know?) may be detrimental to your marriage. Reach some sort of compromise with her. It may be that she might accept your friendship with this woman if you promise never to be around the friend unless your wife is with you. I was willing to settle for that until I caught my H at the Cafe Woman's restaurant. Now, it's absolutely no contact other than a polite nod if we run into her when we're out somewhere together. Any more contact with her, and I am <B><I>THROUGH</B></I>!

NO NO NO, I did not have an affair. this is a woman that have become friends with over the past several months. she also is going trew a divorce. we talk about our relationships with each other. <P>She wanted to see my new baby and meet my wife so I invited her and her new boyfriend along. THAT IS ALL SHE! IS I HAVE NEVER CHEATED AND NEVER WILL!<P>as for working on my marraige goes. I now know that they should not have come. She told me on the phone. That she would been more comfortable with just us. I f##### up I know this now after the fact, but I told her I was sorry for what I have done. TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD AND TWO STEPS BACK.<P>I hope this helped.<BR><P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

sweetpea. not seeing her unless she is around is not a problem, if I was with my wife. right now I'm not. If that is what she wanted that would be fine with me.<P>Thanks<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

MAN, if you all were in person it would be alittle more easy to explain. sorry for the confusion<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

I'm sorry if I sounded rude. It's hard to read expression.<P>THANKS AGAIN<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

Ok - I get it now!!!<P>Geez Brownphd....don't call her OW - you'll confuse the heck out of us!!! LOL!!!!<P>First of all, a little advice.....<P>You may be as innocent as a lamb with this woman and her friendship and I am sure that you are....but I gotta tell you two things......<P>1) If I have learned anything through my 3 year nightmare....it is that when you talk with a member of the opposite sex about your personal relationship...you are assembling a bomb!!! I know that you have absolutely no thoughts about this woman in that way, but that is just how things progress, it's part of the pattern. <P>I know that you are blowing off what I am saying - but I have lived it as well as many others here have!!!!! Affairs always start out as friends!! But there is also at least one person in opposite sex friendships who have some feelings at some point in the relationship. It is not always acted upon, but believe me it is there!!!<P>Look at this woman...she's getting divorced...is talking with a man who's marriage is in trouble and she's getting new boyfriends....sorry, but she's moving way too fast for herself!!! Trouble Ahead!!!<P>Why would your MIL know or worry about her...why would your wife care?<P>Red Flags all over this, Brownphd!!!!!<P>2) You are trying to rebuild a relationship with your wife...don't bring other women into your life!!! I don't care if they are just friends or not!! As a matter of fact ANY new people that are unfamiliar territory for her..in this vulnerable state...is not a good idea!!! <P>Spend time with her....spend it only with her for awhile!! Meet people together if it's new friends you want. This will be an "including" type of bond with your wife....<P>Think about it....I don't think that you would be too comfortable with her bringing a male friend that she met while apart from you along.....would you?<P>I know that you realize it was a mistake to do this....I'm just trying to explain why from a woman's point of view - actually anyone's point of view because you would feel the same as she did.<P>Hugs and don't dwell on it...you apologized for not thinking it through and that's the end of it....I wouldn't give to much concentration to this woman friend though!!!!<P>You'll be OK through this....<P>Sheba

Did your wife have the affair? Why did you to separate and divorce? I am confused.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Some people learn nothing from this site:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>this is a woman that have become friends with over the past several months. she also is going trew a divorce. we talk about our relationships with each other. <P><snip><P>THAT IS ALL SHE! IS I HAVE NEVER CHEATED AND NEVER WILL!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Famous Last Words.

SDS, Yes my wife did have an affair. She filed for divorce.<P>Dazed and confused, I have learned alot from this site. I made a mistake. One that will never happen again. As for the famous last words. For some that may be true. as for me. I have tried dateing other women in the past 10 months and it just isn't what I want. I felt like I was betraying my wife and in a sense I was.<P>SHEBA, thanks for the input your replies always make things so much clearer.<P>I will be seeing her this evening for my oldest sons soccer practice. I will let yall know how it goes.<P>THANKS EVERYBODY<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

Good Luck Brownphd.....I'll be on and off here and will check to see how you made out!!<P>Hugs, <P>Sheba

I am a little slow sometimes. I know you wnat your family back and it appears that she is not telling you no at this time. I think you are going to have to date her again or the oldfashion word court her. Think about the things you did when you two were dating. You are going to have to start all over again. I remember that wwwe didn't like to double date we wanted to be alone with each other. She may fill threaten by your new friends. It is worth a try.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Well, I'm back. <P>SDS the dating thing is what I told her I wanted to do when I first started talking to her about this. Also she has told me no but hten she acts like she does wnt to work on this. THANKS<BR> <BR> I went to the practice just ro find nobody there. I called my mother-in-law. (She watches the kids half the day). My W was there and told me that the practice was cancelled, and they were having a pizza party for there last game tomorrow. I went to my in-laws house and asked if I could just ride with them (she sure did look good today) she said sure. <P>I didn't know about the party. She found out late last night. She said I would have told you today, but youdidn't call me. I usally call her to see how her day is going, but I did'n today.<P>the party went great. I got to play with my 3mnth. old the whole evening. There were alot of pitcures taken even one with me and W. ( and we were both smiling). That is the first picture taken of us in a long time. I figured she would have commented on it. I was wrong.<P>As we were leving we went by her house I took some stuff in for her. Then she asked if i wanted to go to Wal-Mart with them. (she said after we got there that is just easer for her when someone goes with her).<BR>She was her self we laughed and everything was good.( I even caught myself call her babe, she also did that last night)<P>I love it when it goes like this but it also hurts in a way. You know what I mean? <P>TAHNKS AGAIN<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P><BR>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited October 29, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited October 29, 1999).]