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Prayers

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Well i made it through the day. Ive been good the last few months, but i think today was almost as hard on me as the first weeks of the affair coming out. I guess i should be relieved, but im not. I didnt go to court, but called the lawyer to make sure nothing funny happened. I figured she has been on the mission to end it, she might as well finish it herself. I can now always tell the boys it was her choice till the end. Thanks MB for your support. Now i just need to get on with life and healing.


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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You made the right decision, LM. Let her tear down her life. You needn't have been required to watch.

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Originally Posted by lostman101
Well i made it through the day. Ive been good the last few months, but i think today was almost as hard on me as the first weeks of the affair coming out. I guess i should be relieved, but im not. I didnt go to court, but called the lawyer to make sure nothing funny happened. I figured she has been on the mission to end it, she might as well finish it herself. I can now always tell the boys it was her choice till the end. Thanks MB for your support. Now i just need to get on with life and healing.


(((lostman)))

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Originally Posted by NeverGuessed
You made the right decision, LM. Let her tear down her life. You needn't have been required to watch.

Amen to this.

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Originally Posted by lostman101
Well i made it through the day. Ive been good the last few months, but i think today was almost as hard on me as the first weeks of the affair coming out. I guess i should be relieved, but im not. I didnt go to court, but called the lawyer to make sure nothing funny happened. I figured she has been on the mission to end it, she might as well finish it herself. I can now always tell the boys it was her choice till the end. Thanks MB for your support. Now i just need to get on with life and healing.

Your post tugged at my heart strings because it reminds me so much of my dh and his sorrow at his wife divorcing him and taking his children out of his daily life. He too says, 'well, I can tell the boys it was their mom's decision to divorce me.'

Good news though....my dh is happily remarried-to me! smile There is life after divorce.

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Sorry to butt in here - but did anyone try legal separation first? Would you recommend doing that first? I suppose a tiny part of me holds out hope that my WH will come to his senses and come home, but a large part of me is realizing he probably won't change until he loses everything. But then in a divorce, he might just run out and marry the OW before he has time to think it through or feel it. And if I divorce him, maybe I regain a tiny bit of the self respect or dignity I've lost in all of this - he doesn't have complete control over me. Feeling very confused. Thoughts?


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
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Originally Posted by rainysweet
Sorry to butt in here - but did anyone try legal separation first?

It would be better if you started your own thread, but I'll go ahead and answer on this one for now.

I considered separation and researched it, but what I learned was that it was just as expensive and difficult as divorce. Almost everything I read said that if you divorced later after a legal separation, it would still cost as much for the divorce, so it would be double the expense for the same result. You should research it for your state, though, because your laws may be different.

In the end, I realized that my husband had broken just about every marriage vow. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to both me and the children. It was just a bad bad situation for all of us.

My divorce has been final for almost 4 months, and I'm starting to regain my self-respect and dignity. My kids are happier and are beginning to recover emotionally from the past few years of trauma. It was the right decision for me and my family.

My ex-husband did NOT run out and marry the other woman. They started openly dating during the divorce, and the affair ended before the marriage ended. WXH's family was furious at him for dating while he was still married. He is in business with his brother and they have a "Christian business" so it looked bad. POSOW got mad at him because she didn't think they had a right to complain. WXH told my DD that he was annoyed at OW because she liked to watch college sports on TV. A lot. And he almost never watches sports on TV.

rainysweet, you need to really think through what has happened in your marriage and what all your options are. I have to say, though, that one of the things that I really appreciate about the Marriage Builders website and the principles that it teaches, is the fact the they admit not every marriage can or should be saved.


Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
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Rainysweet, I have a thread in surviving an affair that tells my story. If you read it, u will realize that i have tried and tried to get my WW to come home and reconcile, or at least think about it. Really, to be honest, not once has she given me any hope of coming to her senses and trying to do the right thing. She has been 100% focused on a destructive lifestyle to me and her family. Only last week(first time this year) has she attempted to make any changes in her life to put her kids a little higher on her list of priorities. I would assume that the OM has told her to get out of his life, because that would be the only thing that could change to make her try anything right.

As far as legal separation, Kirby hit the nail on the head for my state as well. It is the same process as Div and the same money, just for you to turn around and do it all again for div. It does have advantages, but in the end you just go through the same thing twice.

Last edited by lostman101; 07/25/11 03:26 PM.

Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Posts: 5,860
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Originally Posted by lostman101
not once has she given me any hope of coming to her senses and trying to do the right thing.

Only last week(first time this year) has she attempted to make any changes in her life to put her kids a little higher on her list of priorities. I would assume that the OM has told her to get out of his life, because that would be the only thing that could change to make her try anything right.


I think you are on the money. OM only into WW for the fun. He doesn't want to support a divorce mom with kids and be a stepdad, and have to support WW finacially.

OM never had intentions of buying the cow. He was just after some free milk. OM make commitments and get a mortgage on the farm? No way. He was willing to plow the fields as long as it was fun for him.

Wait till your WW fully realizes this.

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She will have a hard time believing this for quite a while. I think they have been on and off the last month quite a bit. She still defends him and blah blah blah he is so great. Yeah right. WW Babble. He has had 3-4 affairs and she is the one thats going to change him, Yeah right. He really loves me, Yeah right. I know to many facts about what hes been up to that she has no idea. Not rumors but facts.

The road, you are right, his fun is over, except she keeps chasing him. thats what he feeds off of so he will have his fun when he wants and blow her off when he is tired of her. I keep thinking she will realize this. If she does she will never let me know that unless she has remorse. None of that floating around either. She has so much pride and will never admit she is wrong and that is just plain wrong. I have plenty of pride myself and we butted heads a lot over the years as we both want to be right, but even now i have admitted all of my faults and where i was wrong, But nothing from her.


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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