So, if we aren't speaking hypothetically, then you know for certain that I will lead a miserable life, completely unhappy, full of regret and devoid of a man who loves me raising daughters who are the town hookers with no morals. Good to know.

Nope, nobody knows that.

But I do know that if you get your head out of the sand and give your marriage a chance, a real chance, at recovery, that you won't ever regret it. I have yet to meet anyone who does.

I'd like to see an answer to this.
Is reality beginning to bite?

I know from a few friends situations that the ones that chose not to reconcile were very unhappy with the outcome.

I can't believe you'd do this to your daughters and husband.

Strugglingaz,

I would just like you think about it, of course we don't know what the future will hold for you and your family.............there are no guarantees in life.......but what I know in my life is that I want to surround myself with people who know me and my past, people that can forgive me when I screw up, someone that loves me just because I am who I am.....warts and all...........
You might find another man that will distract you for a while, but you will miss that history and your family being in tact.........
You will show your children that even though adults make mistakes they can fix them as well with love and forgiveness......sometimes when we are the cross roads of life we make the wrong decision and our lives change for the worst and we live the rest of our lives with regrets.........I think your marriage and your kids at least deserve a chance, it might not work but at least you two will be able to move on without regret or you could really throw everything into the relationship and be happier than you have ever been..........
This site is full of optimistic people who love nothing more than to hear a great story of reconnect and love, we have all been there in that bad place and worked our way into a great happy marriage instead of the one we used to have......
When you are in the bad place you think you have to run because you can't imagine anything good but take my word for it if you try you can smile, laugh, love again.........you can be the hero and save your children's parents from lives of regret...........
I want you to really think about what you could have if you only could look at your husband differently.............
Take a good look ......at you as well, where are you really going and to what?
jessi...........waiting to hear that love story........

strugglin~

You made a choice when you got married. One that was supposed to be FOR LIFE. The implication being: You do not get to choose again.

Do you honestly believe that your husband is the issue? That you will go out and find some other man that magically makes you happy? Do you really think the grass is greener somewhere else?

Because you know, the grass is greener where you water it.

Why wouldn't you choose to water the grass of your marriage? This would be the MOST beneficial thing for you to do -- This will serve not only your daughters better, but it will also serve you better. I told you before -- No one ever regrets doing the right thing.

What is it that you are looking for?

Mrs. W

I suspect you're right, Prisca. It's hard to maintain a fantasy when reality is slapping you in the face. A true wayward will run from reality to avoid that. Sigh.

There is a huge difference between a man whose family loses him because he has been killed in an accident, and a man whose family loses him because his wife has stabbed him in the back.

Don't think that your daughters won't be able to see the difference. Don't think that they will be able to ever forgive you.

Why did I post here again? To let all of you fine folks know that I am doing fine. What reality is slapping me in the face? I know all too well what its like to be alone as I spent a greater part of my marriage in this state, so virtually my life now is no different than it was.

Yeah.




Right.



No, Hon, you don't. Haven't you read ANY of WPG's posts? The worst is yet to come.

I see. InnerStrength neglected you during your marriage, and he is unwilling to change, is that it?

OH!! So because WPG had this experience means that I am going to be exactly the same way. God, its amazing to me how every single one of you can read the future. You know, you can probably be making millions off of this rare ability!!

No, you were not alone.

Are you saying that you and IS didn't spend as much time together as you would have liked?

That could have and would have changed. I saw IS as willing to create a new marriage with you. He was willing to work the MB Program. No one is saying that IS was perfect, but neither were you -- agreed?

The MB Program -- if you choose to work it with your husband -- would not make either of you perfect -- but it WOULD make you perfect for each other. I am 100% sure of that.

Would you agree that the best case scenario would be for you and IS to fall romantically in love with each other and raise your children in an intact family?

Mrs. W

How do you see your future, strugglin? What are your hopes and dreams? What is it that you expect from life?

Mrs. W

And why would you do that?

If you were really doing fine, you'd simply go off and live your life and not worry about what anyone here thought about what you were doing.

You came back here because you're not sure you're doing the right thing, so you're trying to justify your decision by proving how "fine" you are with what you've chosen to do to your family.

You're standing on the edge of a cliff, the same cliff that many other waywards have stood on before you. You've made the decision to jump, but you're having second thoughts. I've been on the edge of that cliff. So has every wayward here. The reason we're still here at all is because we chose to back away from the edge instead of jumping into the abyss. The waywards who jumped are no longer here. What happened to them? How are they doing? Who knows? I don't want to. I'm just glad I didn't jump and end up down there with them.

We'd like you to back away from the edge of the cliff before it's too late.

The helping hand has been extended. It's up to you whether or not you choose to take it.

No fortune telling needed. These are the facts -- an adulterous mother who divorces the father AFFECTS the children in a negative way. What, exactly, makes you so special that you can somehow avoid that tragedy?

strugglingaz,

You seem very angry, the reference to WPG was to just show you that making a mistake is a possibility........
Just like when you are parent the folks here are trying to stop you from making a mistake, they don't want you to be like WPG and living a life she doesn't want now....of course you aren't her and we don't really know if you will be happy in your future or not.....
This site is to help marriages get back on track and doing the work in that marriage that should have done in the first place.........there was a reason you got to where you were........that is both partners fault...........
You sound angry, if you are sure that this is the move for you, then I guess you will have no regrets..........
I think IS has come to a point where he acknowledges his faults and is willing to change and work at making you happy..........that only works if you would be willing..............
I am always sad for everyone involved when they have to go through the whole process of letting go of that family unit........to watch is fall apart and change lives forever........It will change who your children are, it will change who you are and IS will also have to let go of a life he thought was his............it is hard giving up hope and believing in something....
Hard work .........of course ................but you have to want to.........
At least think about it some more before you change life as it is today.......
jessi

Did you know kids of divorced parents are 75% more likely to get divorced themselves? Is this the legacy you want to leave?

Read this:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/should_i_get_a_divorce.aspx

strugglin~

I asked about what you expected out of life because NOW [not during my wayward time] I am completely perplexed by what it is that WWs think they will be getting out of life by leaving their marriages.

Most that come here have a VERY NICE LIFE.

-A husband who loves them [sure they aren't perfect men, but neither are the WWs perfect women - understatement]

-children who love them and depend on them

-A roof over their heads

-food in the pantry

-a car to drive

And the list of privileges goes on and on -- So I'm left to ask -- What do you believe is out there that you don't already have?


Mrs. W

Not yet since you're high off your contact with OM...but once the fantasy wears off, it will be hitting you.