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OH!! So because WPG had this experience means that I am going to be exactly the same way. God, its amazing to me how every single one of you can read the future. You know, you can probably be making millions off of this rare ability!! strugglin~ Do you believe the people posting to you are doing so just for the "fun" of it? I would submit to you that people are posting to you out of genuine CARE and CONCERN using precious time out of their days for YOU. There is no need for you to be sarcastic and biting in your replies. We are trying to have a conversation with you -- hoping that you will choose to talk this out calmly and rationally. I would certainly appreciate that kind of dialogue. Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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. I know that you all point out the negative environments, but I have several friends who grew up in divorced homes where the mother may/may not had had an affair and my friends (the daughters) are best friends with their moms so your "cases" dont apply entirely across the board. And are they best friends with their fathers, as well? The ones they saw only part time growing up? Who are "involved" in their lives ... from the periphery? Do not get to have the millions of day-to-day moments that come from simply being there on that day-to-day basis? Would you give your children up and have that kind of part-time arrangement with them? Or are you only willing to give up their full-time relationship with their father?
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So...if my H would have been killed in an accident two years ago, would you still sit here and tell me that I will never find someone who loved me as much as he did? Or are you just telling me that because I committed adultery and you want me to think that he is the only man on this entire earth that could ever love me??? TSk,,Tsk... She really doesn't get it. If your freinds jumped off a bridge would you too? I know, if your friend wanted your husband so she had you killed,(because she was the breadwinner and she could afford it), would he be OK with that because she paid for it? Besides , hey, your allready dead anyways.. Edit to add: Do you think your husband would be able to love that friend? I mean, you don't exist anymore.. 29 is so very very young please don't away from your personal commitments to others. Others is what life on earth is all about
Last edited by ConstantProcess; 05/31/11 05:40 PM.
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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So much for hypatheticals---
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So, if we aren't speaking hypothetically, then you know for certain that I will lead a miserable life, completely unhappy, full of regret and devoid of a man who loves me raising daughters who are the town hookers with no morals. Good to know.
Party on.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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No. You might just have a great time every day for the rest of your life. Which is what it's all about for those who just up & quit when the going gets tough. There are plenty of other like-minded quitters out there who I'm sure would love to join your party, and you can probably have a rockin' good time with some of them. Good to know.
Party on. Quit makin' me laff, Beavis!  Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Caution disrespectful judgement coming up
Struggling, how can you be so stupid...you have many former cheaters here stating how happy they are that they worked things out...what makes you different?
I am a betrayed spouse so I'm biased but you have former waywards trying to guide you here...I haven't read one former wayward post here that's regretted working things out and following MB way to a great marriage
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OH!! So because WPG had this experience means that I am going to be exactly the same way. God, its amazing to me how every single one of you can read the future. You know, you can probably be making millions off of this rare ability!! Go ahead and kick at the gate, struggling. Let's look at your boyfriend for a minute, can we? Have you discussed finances? Does he expect you to work? Are you willing to do that? How is he with the kids? Or is InnerStrength asserting his right to keep the children away from this person? How do you feel about being away from your children for major holidays, like Christmas? Thanksgiving? How will you work high school events? Have you determined who will attend what function? How about college? Who's going to pay? Understand that IS should not be expected to foot the bill on his own if you are in your New Life and working a New Job. What about the kids' weddings? Are you willing to sit out that humongous event, and leave you child to explain that you weren't able to attend because his Dad (rightfully so) would be too hurt to have you and LoverBoy there? Are you really going to stick your child with that?? All for a guy who: Stinks up the bathroom. Hates dealing with banking and sticks YOU with it. Has icky stuff in his underwear that you have to make all nice and tidy. Doesn't replace empty rolls of toilet paper. Hogs the paper on Sunday. Watches sports program that bore you to tears. And you can get over that, because he won't care if you don't like it. Goes out with his buddies every weekend (which he will do now. Know why? Because he won't want to be home with you and your children when you have visitation. He has no use for them because they aren't his kids.) What else? What else, struggling? What else charms you about him that will become an anchor around your neck?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Do you people think that I just woke up one day and thought, geez, maybe I should get divorced today?! Do you think that I haven't thought about all of the stuff you point out? I am not willing to implement all of the MB principles into my marriage as I don't believe a person should have to live their life entirely for someone else. I cannot do it, therefore my H and I cannot sustain this marriage.
Me - 29 WW
H - 35
DD1 - 6yo
DD2 - 2yo
DDay - Feb 26, 2011
Hope to be recovered sooner than later!!
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Do you people think that I just woke up one day and thought, geez, maybe I should get divorced today?! Do you think that I haven't thought about all of the stuff you point out? I am not willing to implement all of the MB principles into my marriage as I don't believe a person should have to live their life entirely for someone else. I cannot do it, therefore my H and I cannot sustain this marriage. Have you told your children this? They are the victims of your choice to climb into bed with another man, not us. Have you explained how their lives are going to be, going forward without their father in their home? That Uncle Loser is going to replace Daddy? Have you told them how neat it's going to be, to have to leave their home every other weekend so they can be with Daddy, while you kill time waiting for them to come back? Have you told them that there will be no more family holidays? Did you mention that Daddy won't be there when one of them is crying for their Daddy? That Uncle Skank will have to do? (Ignoring the fact that he considers them a distraction - remember, they are NOT his kids. He will always associate them with their father.) Have you done this heavy lifting that a wayward wife has to accomplish? What does your boyfriend say about all of this, struggling?
Last edited by maritalbliss; 05/31/11 06:40 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Do you people think that I just woke up one day and thought, geez, maybe I should get divorced today?! Do you think that I haven't thought about all of the stuff you point out? I am not willing to implement all of the MB principles into my marriage as I don't believe a person should have to live their life entirely for someone else. I cannot do it, therefore my H and I cannot sustain this marriage. Yeah, it's a horrible thing to be married to a man who has a problem with you doinking other men. 
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Do you people think that I just woke up one day and thought, geez, maybe I should get divorced today?! Do you think that I haven't thought about all of the stuff you point out? I am not willing to implement all of the MB principles into my marriage as I don't believe a person should have to live their life entirely for someone else. I cannot do it, therefore my H and I cannot sustain this marriage. Ah, okay. So what you are saying is that a life should be lived entirely for SELF? Wow. I hope you don't teach your daughters that lesson -- I bet that won't be too fun to hear out of their mouths one day when you are old and need their assistance. For the record though, having an MB marriage is a JOY -- It is FUN -- It is FULFILLING -- It is NOT a prison sentence as you imply. LOL. Not by a long shot. Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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So...if my H would have been killed in an accident two years ago, would you still sit here and tell me that I will never find someone who loved me as much as he did? Or are you just telling me that because I committed adultery and you want me to think that he is the only man on this entire earth that could ever love me??? strugglin~ I don't deal in hypotheticals -- there is no point to that. Let's look at the facts: You had an affair -- one of THE most cruel, controlling and horrible things you can do to another person. You crushed your husband's heart by having the affair. And yet there he stood -- still willing to love you -- still with his hand outstretched to you. Willing to offer you grace and mercy. Willing to do the VERY HARD work of recovery with you. With YOU -- You who betrayed him. You who hurt him beyond measure. And there he still stood -- available to you. My God, strugglin -- Can't you see what a strong man that takes? The gentle strength it displays. The amazing grace he was willing to extend to you -- The way he was willing to spend TIME, EFFORT and big MONEY to fix the two of you. Do you really think that comes along twice in a lifetime? It doesn't. You are throwing away something so priceless -- I KNOW you don't see it -- can't see it -- won't see it -- but I am just on my knees BEGGING you -- because I DO see it -- And I want for you what you don't even yet realize that you will someday want -- someday need very desperately... Mrs. W My word... What a wonderful post, Mrs. W! 
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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I am not willing to implement all of the MB principles into my marriage as I don't believe a person should have to live their life entirely for someone else. I cannot do it, therefore my H and I cannot sustain this marriage. Struggling, that's what marriage is about. It's no longer about ME. It's about US. Some time before the wedding, you felt differently. Your mind is now clouded because of you allowing someone else in the place that should only be occupied by your husband. I was wondering, if things were so bad and you were contemplating leaving, was the OM what helped you finally make the decision?
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Oh Dear Lord! Strugglingaz, you really didn't say So...if my H would have been killed in an accident two years ago, would you still sit here and tell me that I will never find someone who loved me as much as he did? Or are you just telling me that because I committed adultery and you want me to think that he is the only man on this entire earth that could ever love me??? Dear lady there are plenty of me that could love you, and for sure one man that used you while you were married to your H. You will find plenty of them as well. But, the immaturity of your statement is reflected in the following FACTS: 1. Your H is the one you vowed to be with for the rest of your life. Meaning you vowed to not go looking for his replacement, that makes him unique. In all the world of us guys, your H is unique because you married him. 2. Of all of the men you could find in the future, none of them will have fathered your children. None of them will be emotionally and biologically connected to them as your H and you are hurting him and by definition hurting your children. Just as they are part of you, they are part of them and your rejection of him and your marriage, means you are rejecting a very large part of who they are. Young lady, those are FACTS. Loving someone is easy, making love to someone is even easier, loving and sharing a lifetime with someone is a challenge so strong that it requires VOWS, and acts of kindness, love, contrition, and sacrifice far beyond what is required when someone just loves you. I realize you are still a child, and I realize that to you finding ANYONE who professes to love you seems enough, but it is not. Not when you realize that love is not a feeling but an action that we can and promise to visit only on our spouse. Please see someone in the clergy, someone old enough to understand life and really talk about life, not just about what feels good at the time. Having children doesn't "feel" good during the delivery but ask anyone of us who have been married many decades and you will find that children are a great blessing in ones life. Please think about this carefully. God Bless, JL JL, this is excellent as well. 
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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Do you people think that I just woke up one day and thought, geez, maybe I should get divorced today?! Do you think that I haven't thought about all of the stuff you point out? I am not willing to implement all of the MB principles into my marriage as I don't believe a person should have to live their life entirely for someone else. I cannot do it, therefore my H and I cannot sustain this marriage. What do you mean when you say you aren't willing to live your life entirely for someone else? I don't think I've read anywhere on MB where you have to do that. Yes, your H and your M should be your #1 priority, but that would be true of any future relationships/marriages as well. Following MB doesn't mean you have to give up everything else. You will still have other aspects to your life (children, family, job, etc.). These simply shouldn't take priority over your M. And that's not just an MB thing. Every marriage program I've ever seen says basically the same thing. I have many aspects to my life. I'm a wife, but I'm also a mother, a daughter, a granddaughter, a friend, a writer, etc. I don't feel like I've given up anything. You obviously don't understand MB very well.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Oh Dear Lord! Strugglingaz, you really didn't say So...if my H would have been killed in an accident two years ago, would you still sit here and tell me that I will never find someone who loved me as much as he did? Or are you just telling me that because I committed adultery and you want me to think that he is the only man on this entire earth that could ever love me??? Dear lady there are plenty of me that could love you, and for sure one man that used you while you were married to your H. You will find plenty of them as well. But, the immaturity of your statement is reflected in the following FACTS: 1. Your H is the one you vowed to be with for the rest of your life. Meaning you vowed to not go looking for his replacement, that makes him unique. In all the world of us guys, your H is unique because you married him. 2. Of all of the men you could find in the future, none of them will have fathered your children. None of them will be emotionally and biologically connected to them as your H and you are hurting him and by definition hurting your children. Just as they are part of you, they are part of them and your rejection of him and your marriage, means you are rejecting a very large part of who they are. Young lady, those are FACTS. Loving someone is easy, making love to someone is even easier, loving and sharing a lifetime with someone is a challenge so strong that it requires VOWS, and acts of kindness, love, contrition, and sacrifice far beyond what is required when someone just loves you.I realize you are still a child, and I realize that to you finding ANYONE who professes to love you seems enough, but it is not. Not when you realize that love is not a feeling but an action that we can and promise to visit only on our spouse. Please see someone in the clergy, someone old enough to understand life and really talk about life, not just about what feels good at the time. Having children doesn't "feel" good during the delivery but ask anyone of us who have been married many decades and you will find that children are a great blessing in ones life. Please think about this carefully. God Bless, JL Awesome Post JL If you notice through this SA a lot of what this life is depends on you. Read it through and pick out how many times you and your are referenced.. So the long and short of it is you are valueing something, or destroying it, and making it what it is according to your own imagination. What we are refusing to acknowedge is that anyone, yes even a smart-butt poster who thinks they know more than us old fogeys.. is replaceable. We are more than our jobs, our money, our fame, more..So what we are trying to teach is about abundance, not loss..You are creating and destroying your own life every day and it is very much all about your PERCEPTION Someday I hope you will see that youth is wasted on the young....oops...that seems disrespectful. OK how about you don't know what you have, and you might have to get caught up in a tractors nuts to find out...oh wait..too hokey...I got it,,"Me thinkith thou protests to much"..Ah ...Im' sure I quoted that wrong.. Just please do what JL suggested and see someone in the wisdom trade, ones that know about pain and loss because they see it everyday. People just crazy enough to face the challanges of life with others, and go through things with them. Men of the cloth are those types. Jl I espescially liked the part highlighted..
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Srug, why don't you just sign over full custody of your children to IS and pay him CS and remove your toxic influence from their lives.
Your relationship with your DD's WILL be different than the ones that your "friends" have with their mothers, because IS WILL tell them what you did. They will KNOW and they will blame YOU.
I can't believe that you would even consider putting your children in a position to be violated by someone. My SIL had an affair that has been going on for 6 years. She lives with the OM. Her DD8 was molested 2 years ago by OM's oldest son. She is still with OM, because she feels like she is stuck. Is she happy? HELL NO. Does she care about her DD8? Again, I would say HELL NO.
She complained that she had a controlling husband who was abusive and never cared for her. She also said that HIS family didn't like her. Well, she was very wrong about her BH, but OM, he is exactly that. He never lets her go anywhere, because he is afraid she will cheat. She lives like a prisoner in HIS home. He hates her DD, and she hates his kids. they fight ALL of the time and he has "cheated" on her twice already. But, her GREAT BH moved on already. So, she is stuck.
Destroy your life, if you so choose, but let those children have a fighting chance and give IS full custody and CS.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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OH!! So because WPG had this experience means that I am going to be exactly the same way. God, its amazing to me how every single one of you can read the future. You know, you can probably be making millions off of this rare ability!! strugglin~ Do you believe the people posting to you are doing so just for the "fun" of it? I would submit to you that people are posting to you out of genuine CARE and CONCERN using precious time out of their days for YOU. There is no need for you to be sarcastic and biting in your replies. We are trying to have a conversation with you -- hoping that you will choose to talk this out calmly and rationally. I would certainly appreciate that kind of dialogue. Mrs. W Yeah, but when you hate yourself, it's always easier to project the anger at your own actions and the self-loathing you feel onto others... I'm just sayin'... 
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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I don't believe a person should have to live their life entirely for someone else.  Say what? When did any of us say this to you? 
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