I've heard this topic brought up a few times before and again today about the elusive "get out of jail free" card used by betrayed spouses.
Yes, that card while invisible, DOES exist. And it is the ONE and main reason that if you are a wayward spouse and have any residual emotional feelings left for your betrayed spouse that you should WORK THE MB PLAN AS HARD AS YOU CAN!
Look I got one of these brand new shiny cards too after I got divorced. It was secretly mailed to me when I found out my then husband was involved in an affair. Not an actual card of course, it is the OUT that suddenly a betrayed spouse feels and can many times USE to end the marriage at THAT VERY SECOND if they feel like it and the world will be ok with it. (except kids of course, because affairs hurt children).
You see, as a betrayed spouse, many times we twist and contort ourselves into knots to work to heal our marriage and at any possible problems we might have caused. We work hard to try to meet your incredibly obtuse Emotional Needs (EN's) so we can try to heal the marriage. But at some time, if there isn't any response or encouragement from the wayward spouse, then that shiny card looks mighty enticing.
I mean, think of it. You're cheated on, you're horribly betrayed by the one who promised to love you and honor you all the days of your life BEFORE GOD, and they hurt you more deeply than any word can say by our husband or wife who cheated. It is a deep and horrible betrayal, but if your betrayed spouse IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE FOUND MARRIAGE BUILDERS, then your marriage can be saved. But YOU HAVE TO DO WORK TOO as a wayward. And work double time!
So many times imho, the wayward spouse takes the betrayed spouse for granted, especially if the betrayed spouse is trying actively to work on healing the marriage. But what you waywrds do not know is that some of these betrayeds DECIDE TO STOP TRYING and GO WITH THE CARD. They open the account. The opening of the account is simply "filing for divorce".
It is enticing thinking you can just quit all the trying, quit feeling all the pain, and just start your life all over again. And yes it IS A FOGGY TYPE FEELING, but unlike cheating, the betrayed doesn't leave for anybody or any affair. It is for the THOUGHT of what could be and a flight away from the pain and devastation of the affair and an unrepentant spouse.
After my divorce, my shiny card was something I didn't use for a while, as I didn't really want to date. I was shell-shocked for a good while. But about four years later, I found that card again and decided it was time for me to date. And what happened? Why I MET AND MARRIED a man who had just opened after his 1 yr anniversary of being divorced (and being a betrayed spouse) his "get out of jail free card". YOo see, my now dear husband, was one of those betrayed spouses who, upon finding out of his wife's one night stand, IMMEDIATELY FILED FOR DIVORCE AND GOT THAT CARD! And all his family and friends understood why. He never knew of MB and honestly, after the bad stuff she did, he was justified in divorcing her. EVerybody supported him in him getting that divorce.
Needless to say, she endlessly pursued him the first whole year we dated. The other man had dumped her unceremoniously. Her ego was in the gutter. And suddenly "she got it" and it was far too late. He'd met me
So we both cancelled our get out of jail free cards last summer when we married each other.
If you are a wayward spouse here, and are still in withdrawal or finding those crazy floatly thoughts about your skanky affair parnter, be it male or female, think about the residual feelings you have for your betrayed spouse.
It is my advice to GET TO KNOW ALL YOU CAN KNOW ABOUT HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE HER AND GET ON BOARD THE MB TRAIN NOW! After all, did you know your betrayed spouse got the "card" in the mail and might just one day, if you fail to try to meet their EN's and work to be the kind of husband or wife they deserve, then their card and account might just become "an open" account.
Now's your chance! Save your marriage, save your children the horrible pain of divorce, and do all that you can do with every bit of energy in your body to heal the rift your affair has caused in your marriage. Time is ticking. The terms on "opening the card" are really reasonable and it doesn't have an expiration date!
