Have a great trip, Torn

Hey Torn,

Just dropping in, hope the trip went well and that there was no real drama to speak of!

Well had a great time with kids. We went to zoo and swam at pool. We found a good town to live in. The boys dont want to move but you could tell they liked the town.
On Monday on our way home, my IM forwards me an email from WH that was his reignstion letter and the HR dept's response. Then she tells me that she had let hm know like i asked her to , the town we were in. She then stated that WH wants me and children to move to new town and to live with us... BUT he still wants to see OW.I tell IM no go. Then my WH later that evening calls kids to say goodnight, then emails me full custody of the children. WTH????
In the email he states he does not want to deal with me so I can have the kids. I forwarded both resignation letter and email to my lawyer?

Any ideas?

Don't respond to what he sent to you by email, you did the right thing sending it on to your lawyer......He is trying to control the situation don't let him.......
Stick to your plan B, let him feel what is will be like without you and the kids around...........I am going to guess any time soon now he will realize that OW is going to be his life not you and the kids, the history in life we share with someone is very strong, even if we don't see it right away.......
Sit back and let him process..............keep yourself busy and take care of your children..........
Wait it out.
jessi

TA,

What a piece of work! Great father that one! Looks like he is grasping at straws, live with you why, so he can save money? What BS in their right mind would agree to something like that? Just proves active WS's are not in their right mind.

Don't let him get away with walking away from your sons. Keep calm and see what the lawyer advices.

Hang in there TA, you're doing great!

ba

Wow I would say these are good signs, IF you do not back down. You must stay in Plan B and let the other woman continue to attempt to meet all his needs. Agree with previous poster -- wait it out!

Thanks guys! I am not breaking my plan B. No way. I am waiting for my lawyer and we will see what he advises. WH probably thinks that he will get out of paying child support now and have more affair money. But he also quit his job? I am focused on me and the kids.I will pray for him but I am officially done worrying about his mess.

With custody you still get child support....

Judges do not think much of men who quit their jobs to avoid paying child support. In many areas, they will impute income and his child support payments will be based on what he used to make.

All good advice from the other posters. Your WH sure is getting creative.

You're doing good, keep ignoring all that crap.

You really should block your husband's email address or change yours. If he's able to send you an email re: custody, that really should go through the IM.

Thanks everyone! As for my email , I have spammed his a!! so all his emails go straight to spam. Also I told my IM, thank you for info and I will forward to my lawyer any further craziness from him. Let's see how well the OW does and my WH in their mess. I no longer have to worry about my WH fogginess. Does it cut me down to my core yes, but i really really this incident, was able to think clearer. I worry sometimes my love for him and us, will disappear, but I have to save my sanity.
I looked up full custody and I know he still needs to pay CS, but he still gets visitation. I need my lawyer to look into this fast because this WH is trying to put me in a big financial hole. I read all the time about WH being jerks, but mine is a major one.

Today I had my WH arrested for hitting me. He came to pick up kids to take to school, I was in the house. I left shortly after to bank and withdraw child support.He must have got an alert from bank and as I am having our 2 year old go with my older daughter he comes storming in garage. He demands I give him money because he needs it to go on vacation with OW. I stay away from him and try to get in house. He tells me calmy as he takes off his watch and puts both phone and watch on car that he is going to kick my a$$. I then start heading for the door inside, I turn around to gauge where he is at and he picks me up by my jacket and slams me against garage wall. I try to get his grip off of me and he then grabs my wrist and arm and tells me I am going to give him the money or he was going to kill me. My mom comes outside and his daughter pulls him to his car. HE then continues to text and call and threaten. I then go to police dpt and when he drops off baby he is arrested. My daughter then tells me as he is being arrested why are you doing this? I look at her and say do not cover for him.you had to drag him out of garage, remember I am your mom and the boys are here too. He was bonded out within a couple hours. I will get my restraining order tomorrow.
What now?I am so scared and confused.

Torn,

My opinion?

What I *really* think won't pass the censor test on this forum.

I think your husband is a lousy piece of [censored] excuse for a man and that you can a lot better than this.

If I were your brother, son or father, I'd tell you to get rid of this piece of [censored]. I'd tell every damn person I could think of on his side of the family what he has done. Then I'd get that restraining order, file charges against him, complete the divorce (sole custody, child support, alimony, zero visitation) and nail his [censored] to the wall.

Divorce him and be glad that you got out alive. Check with your lawyer on how to best protect yourself and your children from this creep.

This just ticks me off to the nth degree. If I were your relative, I'd be kicking his [censored] right now.

Who bailed him out?

Nailing his [censored] to the wall shouldn't be hard with the record he is going to get from this charge. Make SURE the police know he made death threats if you haven't already.

{{{{{{Torn}}}}}}

You did the RIGHT thing by having him arrested. Thank goodness your mother was there when this happened!

Remind us, have you had your locks changed? If not, please do so. Today.

In addition to the RO, please talk to your lawyer about pursuing whatever avenue is available to limit exposure of your kids to him.

You didn't say...but are you thinking Plan D now? I don't think a R is advisable anymore. An affair is one thing to get over, this is entirely different... Whatever you do, stay dark.

Please check back in soon and let us know how you are doing.

Torn, (hugs)

You did the right thing to call the police, if you didn't he would just think he could muscle you anytime he wants. You need to stay dark do not talk to him, see him in anyway...........
This is not a man you want to go back to, he needs help............
Let him have his affair, let him ruin his life, he seems to be doing a great job, not much of a man that hits a woman.............he is a bully that doesn't know how to act
He should be ashamed of himself, has he had a history of this kind of behavior?
This could have been much worse.......thank God someone else was there, if at all possible have someone stay with you for a while.......
stay safe torn.......
jessi

Did he really say he wants to take $$$ from his children because he "needs" to take a slut on vacay?


He is officially filed in my "special insane wayward" category.
IMO, the "special insane waywards" are handled in a completely different way.

You carry a VAR with you at all times.
You have an adult male relative move in with you.
You get more locks in your home.
One on your bedroom.
You alert your neighbors of the situation and give them all the details they need, such as photos of WH and OW and any car they might be seen driving.
Tell your neighbors to call 911 if they see WH/OW/their cars lurking around.
You alert the children's teachers and principals of the situation.
You carry a loud whistle on your keyring.
You insist on supervised visitation, if WH even desires visitation any more. Talk to your attorney.

Any close encounter with him, call 911.
He is dangerous, and this makes OW dangerous too.

Do you have a barking dog?

<<Torn>>!

My thoughts and prayers are with you today. Please do what Pepper advised, an RO is a step but you read or hear all the time of the spouses/boyfriends ignoring them. You need to be around for your boys!!

Definitely need to move as well. Has he harmed you before?

Very proud of you for not staying silent. You must have had a guardian angel watching out for your with both your daughter and your mom being there. Although I can understand it is difficult for your daughter to see her dad arrested, it is very important, and a great role model, for her to see you stand up for yourself.

PLEASE BE SAFE!

ba

I'd suggest that you get a copy of The Gift of Fear and also Why Does He DO That?. Those are two books that helped me understand my husband and helped me figure out what to do to feel safe.

I agree with everything everyone else has said about the steps you should take to increase safety.

You may want to move in with a relative or friend for a couple of days until he's had time to settle down.

Has he been violent towards you before now? He's obviously had practice if he carefully removed his watch and put away his phone first.

Did he do this in front of minors? Judges don't like that.

The daughter who pulled him off of you--is that HIS daughter or your daughter?

I'd add pepper spray or a tazer to the list. I am sooo sorry to hear about this.