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Joined: Jun 2011
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Hi I'm new to the website and wanted to see what type of advice I could receive for my family's situation...
My husband and I have been married for 7 months and he recently admitted to me that he cheated on me while we were dating and as a result there is a possibility that he fathered a child. A paternity test has not been done yet but the woman of the child has already started causing problems by popping up in places where my husband is such as work, school and church. The woman is obsessed with my husband and has told me in the past that she will do anything to get him back. What advice do you all have in regards to how to handle the woman, child and to mend our marriage?
Thanks
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Get an attorney.
Have the attorney send OW a "Stop harassment" lawyer-letter.
Without DNA, it's all crap.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
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And, put a hidden GPS on your husband's vehicle.
You need to be certain H is not still secretly seeing OW behind your back.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Thanks for the reply but I dont want to play detective forever... If we're going to mend our relationship I would prefer marriage counseling and other positive approaches not snooping; thats not fun at all...
Any other suggestions???
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
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Thanks for the reply but I dont want to play detective forever... If we're going to mend our relationship I would prefer marriage counseling and other positive approaches not snooping; thats not fun at all...
Any other suggestions??? You should start by reading all the great articles on this site and by ordering Dr. Harley's book, "Surviving an Affair." You'll quickly discover that snooping to find out if the A is still on-going is pretty standard advice. It may not be fun, but it's necessary. Your H lied to you in the past and there's no way you can even begin to recover your M until your find out if he is still lying and cheating.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Ask your husband to cut off all contact with this woman. If he responds positively, come back here for advice as to how to do that. If he responds negatively, come back here for advice on what to do next. Here is an article by Dr. Harley on situations like yours: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/mb2.cfm?recno=4&sublink=33&subsublink=310http://www.marriagebuilders.com/mb2.cfm?recno=4&sublink=33&subsublink=311How long were you together before you married? Are there any other children, and if so, do they belong to both of you, or are they from previous marriages/relationships? Are there any previous marriages for either of you?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jul 2004
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Thanks for the reply but I dont want to play detective forever... If we're going to mend our relationship I would prefer marriage counseling and other positive approaches not snooping; thats not fun at all...
Any other suggestions??? You are missing the point from people with experience. Without knowledge there is no healing the marriage. Do some snooping in his email, facebook, gps like Pep suggested. Once you are certain he is not still involved with OW you can work on recovery of the marriage. My best suggestion is to call the Marriage Builders Counseling Center. The number is at the top of the web page. Best money spent on people who can give you a real plan to rebuild your marriage. As for the child? Until DNA is done, the child should not be a factor. Let me ask you something though...if he cheated before you were married and you just now found this out are you CERTAIN you want this M? What if the child is his? Do you want this child and OW in your life forever? These are things you really need to consider.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: Jun 2011
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We were together for 8 months before we got married, we both have one child from previous relationships and this is the first marriage for both of us. The infidelity happened during the first few months of us dating and the child was born in March. My husband has already told me that he doesnt want anything to do with the woman and part of him doesnt want anything to do with the child b/c of the woman and their history is bad. If communication is necessary he wants it all done through me. I want to keep my marriage and we have began marriage counseling.
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Thanks for the reply but I dont want to play detective forever... If we're going to mend our relationship I would prefer marriage counseling and other positive approaches not snooping; thats not fun at all... Snooping is the most positive step you can take. Much more productive than marriage counseling, which is destructive to marriages. You should know what your H is doing when he thinks you are not looking. That not only establishes trust but protects your marriage. It is too much trust that ruins marriages.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2009
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Get an attorney.
Have the attorney send OW a "Stop harassment" lawyer-letter.
Without DNA, it's all crap. YEP! If you don't have DNA, the CHILD IS NOT HIS. Period. Get a restraining order ASAP. And, put a hidden GPS on your husband's vehicle.
You need to be certain H is not still secretly seeing OW behind your back. YEP! And a VAR and a keylogger on his computer......... This is all very new to you. I hope that your H is telling you the complete truth about everything; but based on my and other's experiences, chances are he is not. You will want to believe what he says (been there done that; trust here), but you just can't. He's obviously lied before and will likely lie again. You have to look out for YOU first; NOT OW OR supposed OC. You need to take this time to repair your young marriage and heal from this betrayal. Don't worry about OC until OW goes for paternity; legally.
Me: BS age 35 POS-eX-the SORRIEST, CRUELEST, LOWLY WAYWARD SCUMBAG out there Married 14.5 years, together almost 16 DDay: 7-5-09 OC born: 7-23-09 no COM: tried 6 years  D filed 5/05/2011 D final 11/10/11 I was gaslighted for 2 years. "You were not built for a safe story. Take risks and feel what it is like to actually be brave. It's worth it." Carlos Whittaker
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