I suspect you will STILL see her around town with OM even if the divorce finalizes.
It would STILL hurt.

Unless you move away from her......well.......you are going to still deal with her and the betrayel.

It isn't going to be over unless you never see or hear from her again for the rest of your life BUT you have a child and that is not totally likely. Even in a dark plan B....you will have hearsay about her.

It sucks.

Yes you are angry and frustrated and so many things. You are a person. People gets these feelings. We do.

You aren't alone and we are here for you. We understand what you are feeling and going through.

Stay the course. Build your strength.

You WILL handle it all whatever happens from here
divorce today
divorce two months from now
or the off chance miracle of marital recovery.

I think you're right. It will still hurt whether it's over today or 2 months from today. I guess this is just a part of the roller coaster ride for the BS.

I was also wondering what you all might think about the fact that three different members of WW's family have contacted me since Saturday regarding my exposure. Keep in mind exposure was well over a month ago. One just said that exposure is not the way to get my wife back. It just makes her madder. One said it's not her place to say anything. WW is a grown woman who knows right from wrong and will make her own decisions. The third simply said that she'd been busy without a chance to respond but she would be willing to talk and allow me to speak with her husband of 17 yrs.

It's funny that I'm all of a sudden, I'm getting all of this attention. Is this normal? Is this a sign that the pressure of my WW's actions might atleast prompt the family to say something? Just odd that all of this attention is coming now.

This is why we say that you need to let exposure do its work. This is what happens. It's quite normal.

I agree with Reading, what will waiting the two months do to harm you? And it will still hurt to see your WW with OM. Heck, it would hurt to see her with anyone. And I really think that that was your Taker talking. He wanted to get you moved on, but it takes time. I hope that you let yourself heal before you jump into dating, after the D of course.

Guys, I wanted let you all know that I've decided that after today, I will no longer be visiting the site. I've pledged to remove all talk, discussions, and reminders of my wife and my situation from my mind.

I really appreciate all the support and advice I've been given. At this point, the only thing I can do is wait. With that being the case, this site sometimes causes me to think about things in a way that doesn't help me. It has been extremely therapeutic for the most part, but right now it keeps me in the past, thinking about my wife, my impending divorce and everything.

After today, the next time you hear from me will be to tell you about either our reconciliation or the finalization of the divorce. Again, you guys have been so helpful and I appreciate you all.

good luck and remember we are here for you any time.......we all understand your pain and disappointment

Thanks. The pain is there still after 8 months but it is beginning to subside. I anticipate there will still be some there 2 months down the road if everything goes as is currently scheduled. So why not just wait it out, as Reading suggested, and see what happens.

As far as disappointment goes, it's there too. No one gets married thinking of divorce. There is, also with me, the disappointment of not being able to do what I set out to do, break he cycle of divorce in both our families and show people that marriage can last in spite of the major challenges that arise. I wanted to show my daughter something different than divorce.

I know I can't control that. I also know that it's not over yet so there is still a chance, however small it is. I just feel that posting here and reading everyday doesnt help me take my mind of things. That's why I've decided to leave until something happens. I will finish out the day, as if to say my goodbyes, but after today, I won't return until I'm divorced or beginning reconciliation.

I am grateful for all that everyone has done and said.

God bless

Take care of yourself and that DD. You are always welcome back. You may even be able to help others someday.

Whoever you have a new relationship with in the future, I hope you use MB to get the marriage you deserve.

Thanks scotland. I'll do the best I can.

And as far as my future relationship, MB is a must. I'm a firm believer in the concepts. HNHN was an eye opener. I have actually lent it out twice since I read it, most recently to a coworker who gets married next month.

Sometimes the lessons we learn have to come at a cost, but that doesn't make them worthless. As the saying goes, you learn from your mistakes.

Well, I guess I've changed my mind.

Since the incident with OM and WW, there has been no more contact. Yesterday was RO hearing and judge said he would rule today. While wife and judge both basically admitted that I was no physical threat to wife, he did say I disturbed her peace by confronting her with the OM. I simply told him that since April, I'd had no contact with her. No phone calls. No emails. No texts. Nothing. The incident was not premeditated nor was I violent. It was just something that truly caught me off guard and since then there has been no contact. I also added that since she filed for the RO, she has invited me to a gathering for our daughter. He asked her, based on the ramifications of the RO, if thats what she really wanted. She said no. She just wanted me to leave her alone (as if I have been pestering her relentlessly).

At this point, I'm not sure I care anymore about what happens. I have stood for the truth. My wife has lied and cheated and tried to manipulate and all sorts of things (I know it's common fog behavior). Right now, while I'm just worrying about me and trying to get my life in order, I still have the hope that i will have enough love left in my heart for her to help her through the difficult days that lie ahead of her due to her waywardness. She WILL fall. It may not be next week or next month or next year, but she will fall. She even lied to the judge yesterday. I didn't comment about it but just made the mental note.

Its funny because nothing really bothers me much anymore. It doesn't bother me that I've been marked as the villain because I know I've tried to do nothing more than stand for the truth. It doesn't bother me that we may be divorced in another couple of months or so because I will be okay regardless of what happens. It doesn't bother me to have some financial struggles because God has sustained me and he's helping me to slowly get that under control. I've started helping my former baseball coach give hitting lessons in the evenings. It's something I can do to earn extra cash while at the same time do something I really and truly love. That's a win win situation.

It's funny but I'm not even bother that someone else is with my wife. She's made that choice and I can't change that. One day she'll come to her senses and realize what she has done. But I take great consolation in the fact that they're not with my wife. He has someone who doesn't even remotely resemble my wife. When the OM came into her life, my wife disappeared. They have no idea what it feels like to be loved by my wife, hasnt ever looked into her eyes and seen her soul, hasn't known the woman who cared about others more than herself. He doesn't know my wife or has he ever met my wife, just someone who looks like her.

Is it possible that that person can return? Yes! She might have some scratches and scars but it's possible. God will be the only one who canbring her back, though. If he wants me to be there when she returns, I will. If he doesn't, I won't.

Oh, yeah. Today is her birthday.

Mark,

Even though you say you don't care, it sounds like you're still hurting and today must be a tough day since it's WW's B-day.

Hold your head up and keep taking care of yourself and your DD.
Sounds like being a hitting coach will be a great activity for you this summer. How are you at football for the fall? lol

I don't know if hurting is the right word. I haven't shed a tear over her or my marriage in a kong time. I have gotten emotionally about how God has been taking care of me throughout this. That is something when you think about all that has gone on, all that I've experienced, and all that I know is down the road.

When I say I don't care, I guess I'm really saying that I know what ever happens is not gonna be because of me. I've come to realize that God is in TOTAL control and what he wants will happen. I just have to accept what he allows whether it be divorce or reconciliation, financial struggles or blessings, etc. That's where I am.

Do I still love my wife? Of course I do but I've reached the point where I understand that love sometimes is just not enough. Am I gonna sit and just wait for her? No! Do I believe she will find rock bottom at some point down the road? Yes! Will I be there when she does? Right now I'd like to be there to offer her a life jacket, but that is one of those uncertainties. I can't guarantee that I will be there.

marksaysay - You've put into words what I'm feeling right now in your last paragraph. Just wanted to tell you, that there are others feeling the same way. My WW only moved out a couple of weeks ago and I feel that the ultimate resolution is a ways off. That guarantee part is a bit scary, isn't it? After all, at one point this was your best friend and life partner.

Mark, unfortunately our society prevents many of us from reaching rock bottom and that is not good. If more of us did the pain will help us change our path and will make us better humans.
But there is enough in this world to distract us and entertain us and to make us forget what is really important.
There is also society and the media which promote a behavior that lacks integrity.
Also WS surround themselves with people who preach what they preach and this does not help.
Work on yourself and live your life without her in it.
Blessing

I was just thinking today about the wisdom in these words. I have really gotten the most healthiest state of mind that ive been in a long time. It's mostly the result of having come to realize that I needed to focus on God more and less on my wife. Im starting to realize where true and lasting happiness comes from and it's not from my WW.

I think I'm starting to get to the point where it doesn't matter whether or not she comes back. I didn't think I would ever have those thoughts but they do come more frequently. I don't think it's because my LB is totally empty. I think it's more the realization that I can't control her no matter how morally wrong she chooses to live her life. I can't do anything. That's only something that God can do.

But I think what has given me more comfort than anything is the understanding that God only allows things in our lives that are ultimately meant for our good. He's got a plan for me that will be revealed at some point. The only option I have is to wait. The WW is not under my control. She's not even in control of her own life the way she believes.

I appreciate those words, reading, along with all the other from the countless number of people who've contributed. Mark is on a road to greater things and Im beginning to understand that WW may or may not be a part of those greater things. Either way, I'll be okay.

You will still experience the emotional roller coaster ride.
But, you will be stronger in Plan B and build those personal recovery muscles and learn to respect and trust yourself first.

Courage!
You will be able to thrive and be happy again.

I am feeling stronger. It seems with every passing day, the less I think about what she haw done to me and our family. With every passing day, the less I wonder about "will she ever wakeup out of the fog?". With every passing day, I seem to feel better and better about moving on.

I do question myself about whether or not I should still care. At times I feel like I should and at others I don't. At times I wonder if she would wake up from the fog like wife of strike2 has (an awesome story and I'm rooting for the two of them), would I be like strike and have difficulty accepting her back even though I wanted it for so long. At times I wonder if it would be best to try to reconcile for our DD and others I just don't care.

Yes, it is a rollercoaster. I know I've got a ways to go but things are definitely looking up for me.

Well, I guess I'm in a really dark plan b now. Her RO was granted and it states that I can't have any contact with her for 2 years. The funny thing about that it means she can't contact me either and she's been trying a lot every since the hearing. Even got a message today that was deleted. What's up with that. I really don't believe she really wanted it that way but that's what she's got. And it really does t even bother me.

She has to put on her big girl pants and really deal with it all now. I just sit and think about how far she gone and how she's so unrecognizable any more. I know it's the fog but wow is all I can say. At first I dreaded the outcome but when I read it today, I wasn't even phased. Its not really surprising how I reacted or didn't react. Maybe that really means I've turned a corner.

I didn't realize it's been 2 months since my last post but there is really not much new news. WW is still wayward. I haven't spoke to her at all since June although she has tried through several forms of communication about various things, even though she has a protective order against her crazed (NOT) stbxh. I do still have an occasional bad day but they are not very frequent.

One interesting thing though is that I returned to my old church, our old church since the pastor told me WW hadn't attended in 3 months. I've been back now for about a month and MIL, who has gone there her whole life, called and asked the pastor what he thought about my return.

His simply replied that there is nothing to think about. Her daughter doesnt attend and he continued to be a contributing member even in his 3 month absence. She then says that I just did it to aggravate her daughter but he told her that I couldn't aggravate someone who's not there.

She then started to talk about all that I had done, specifically my exposure, and how I never tried to fix the situation and how her daughter can't be around me because they don't know what I might do. Understand that I'm a devout Christian minister who still loves his wife.

The pastor then unloads after months of silence. He told her that he'd kept quiet regarding this ordeal due to being so close to us both but when someone tried to make me the bad guy, he had to speak.

He told her that her daughter is the one that's wrong and that she (MIL) needs to stop making her daughter the victim. Shes the one that was unfaithful in the marriage. She's the one who is still committing adultery because she's still married. She's the one who has lied to him repeatedly about other men. Shes the one who has never tried to fix the marriage because it has been all about other men since the beginning of the seperation that was supposed to be about 'figuring things out'. She's the one who has caused problems in the life of their child. She's the one who's blamed him for her drinking but yet she still does it. She's the one that blamed him for her lack of church attendance but she came maybe twice in the 3 months he was gone. He told her if she wanted to leave because of my return then she needed to do what she felt but he WOULD NOT tell me I couldn't attend.

He said she didn't really say much after that.

Well....

amen to what the pastor said.