Of course he lied. If he *is* unhappy, it's because he's ignoring his wife and cheating on her. Funny how WS always get the cause-and-effect mixed up. And even so, he's not unhappy enough to leave, is he?

Look at it this way: What else would this guy say to your wife? "Hey, I love my wife and I have no plans to leave her, but you look like you'd make a nice piece of azz to keep on the side. How about it?"

He's not going to tell the truth, and I sure wish women would stop being so stupid about falling for that "I'm unhappily married" line. Again: What else would a cheater say?

"We haven't had sex in years."
"We are going to divorce when little Jimmy graduates."
We are going to divorce when Grand Ma gets well."
"We are married on paper only."
"There was never any love in our marriage."
"We got married for the wrong reasons."
"Our marriage has been dead for years."
"We can't help who we fall in love with."
"We are going to divorce when the finances are back on track."
"We are living separate lives under one roof."
"My wife tricked me into marrying her."
"If it weren't for the kids, I would have left years ago."

I've though of hiring a PI, but I really do think its strictly an EA so them sitting in a car talking isn't going to give me much more proof, and I can't really afford it right now.

When I found the letters I made demands about her ending the relationship and went about it the wrong way. I showed her sister the emails and she talked to my wife, but to no avail. She has told me she will end it a couple of times, but always ends up going back to him.

Please read the link in my sig line.
Carrot/stick .... and it makes NO difference if they A has not gone as far as intercourse.

The advice is the same.

Put a hidden GPS on her car.
You need to know where she is at all times.
Please, go to the Operation Investigate forum and read up.

Zed1... WAR TIME
Do what you have to do to kill this A.
Make the OM fear your actions and make it so uncomfortable for him that he runs for the hills. Make your WW look at what she will have to give up by following the carrot and stick.
Call his Wife and expose to everyone in one fail swoop. Expect a pissed off drunk as you just poured her drink down the drain.

Zed
Remember this your wife and the OM will be spitting nails, so what it will be hard to have their affair when the whole world knows and is watching......In my siutation there was exposure the OW's husband told everyone he knew.......It had a huge effect on my husband...........Exposure to our children did him in I think.....It's one thing to lie to me but his adult sons that is another thing......
she will say all kinds of ugly things to you, pay no attention just keep repeating I am doing what I have to do to save my marriage and my family.
When you are ready to work on the marriage have NO CONTACT with the OM I will be here to work on the marriage, if she says no then ask her to leave the home if she thinks he is more important than her marriage and her family......
She made the choice she leaves, you never leave, stay put .........
Then wait for the affair to fall apart they will be fighting in no time......reality hits fantasy right in the nose..........not so much fun anymore....
good luck and hang in there..
jessi

And the kids stay with you in your home. Where they belong.

No angry outbursts. Cool and calm.

I can see where she is at at all times.

I have been trying to reason with her and it hasn't worked. That will stop now. I know the sh** will hit the fan when I expose the affair.

I like the carrot and stick approach. Just need to stay calm.

Reading through Plan A, I realize that maintaining self control has been one of my biggest downfalls. Any advice for maintaining self control? What do I do when I get emotional? Walk away? I have given in so many times I feel like the boy who cried wolf to many times. I guess exposure will help fix that.

She will go ballistic when you expose and threaten everything: "I was going to work on the marriage, now you have ruined it!"
"I am filing for divorce!!" "I was ending hte affair in my own way, now I won't!!" blah, blah, blah, yip and yahoo.... We have heard it all!!

Don't try to reason with her, don't fight with her, don't laugh at the silly things she says, just stay calm and tell her "I am so sorry you are upset! Would you like a potato chip?"

Just expect crazy ville and you won't be disappointed!

The biggest concern I have is that you will burst out laughing when she plays Linda Blair after exposure. If you feel a laugh coming on, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.

Zed just checking on you buddy. I hope your in the midst of killing this A now or in planning.
After the bomb goes off it will take some time for her to cool down. Plan some things with the kids and ask her to go but dont put much merit into anything she says.
When she does cool down and really even if shes pissed tell her your conditions.
NC with OM for life.
Working at recovery of your M with a proven plan that restores romantic love.
Now Saturday Im taking the kids to the lake, I have a picknik basket packed with friend chicken, would you like to go with us?
Dont forget Plan A is being the best you can be (carrot) while setting conditions and there ramifications (stick)

I am in the planning stages. The emails they wrote to each other ended about Autgust of last year (on the account that I had access to anyway). I am going to try and gather some more proof and go from there. If I had access to her work computer or work telephone it would be easier. When I have more recent proof It will make it easier to go to the OMW and my wife's family. And my wife will not be able to dispute the affair as much. Getting proof will be the most difficult thing for me to do right now. She is very careful. I can get into her FB and she doesn't have any communication with him on that. She only uses her work laptop at home, and she never calls him from home or on her cell. I am sure they communicate almost every day though.

Yea, every time she has told me that she will limit contact with him it doesn't work. Then she has the excuse that so many of his friends are hers and having to close her FB account etc.. etc...

What is the consensus about contacting the OM? I figured about the time I disclose the proof, I would call him and tell him to bugger off leave my wife alone and try and make his wife and family his number one priority as well as allow us to try and put our lives back together. I would imagine that he would have his hands full with his wife anyway and that would make it more difficult for him to remain in the affair.

Only AFTER you have exposed the affair to OM's wife.

Ok Her Job again. BIG OBSTACLE. Work Laptop? Can you not get a key-logger on it? How well do you know some of her bosses/co-workers etc?
Call OM on exposure day and tell him that you are trying to save your FAMILY and if he mucks with them again by having contact with your W that HELL HOUNDS will be looking good after you are done. Thats your 2ND call, first one is to his Wife.

Work email accounts usually have web acess. Try this:
webmail.insertcompanynamehere@companynamehere.com

Anyone that knows me can guess my password :-)

I don't know her bosses, or coworkers very well. Her computer is tied to a work network and if there was any program of that type on it it would get discovered quickly. She sometimes leaves the desktop unlocked, but not very often. I think he emails her on her outlook corporate email, but she did have a secret account with him before, they are easy enough to set up. I could maybe get into that. Short of hiring a PI I don't know what else to to. Like I said I can track her through her cell phone and whenever I check lately if they do meet its in a parking lot right next to her work. New proof may be the hardest to come up with...