I've known this man for ten years. He's older. We are both married with kids. I've always admired him because he's nice, but never any romantic feelings. I found out that my H cheated and I was devastated and lost all the purpose of marriage. After that I started having feelings for this man. I confided and him my devastation and all of a sudden he offered help with everything, he even said that he can anything I want him to be. We talked on the phone while he was on a out of town trip for hours, he kept telling me how much he wished I was there and the places he wanted to show me. When he got back he got me flowers and tried to kiss me, but I rejected him. One way or another, he convinced me that he's been in love with me for ten years. I was touched and maybe because he's also my boss that I didn't know how to say No. So the affair started in his office, in his home, the park, in the car. I felt cheap and stupid, and at the same time I felt sorry for him because he treats his wife like a queen but she is lazy and wastes money. I tried so hard to end it but he always manage to reign me in with his emails and letters and he said I was the best, I enjoyed pleasing him. I regretted each time and finally I ended it and quitter my job. He kept emailing me, testing me, calling me, sending me photos of him announcing his love for me. But I couldn't keep lying. I knew if I told him directly that I want to end it, he would convince me otherwise. So I gradually ignored is calls, texts, emails, deleted our private email account. Still he finds every reason to get me to talk to him using work as excuses. After two years of ending the relationship, I received emails from his wife and they were explicit emails we've exchanged. She found the emails, phone calls, videos and pictures. I don't know why he kept them. I am angry at him for keeping the evidence but I feel more guilt that she is in this situation. All she said was she's disappointed and that I can have him if I wanted. She doesn't even give him a second chance or feel any pain that she might lose her H. She harassed me in more than 20 emails, and I took it, said how sorry I was and I was just a cheap thrill for him. She said, yes, you were and that he thought I was not even good looking or that he even had a good time. I don't care what he thinks of me, I just want them to work things out. I was stupid and selfish to cheat and lie to the the people I love. I was such an idiot. I wish she'd stop harassing me, saying that I seduced her H by confiding in him and that he was not in my league because I'm nothing but a whore.

Does your husband know?

I am sure it hurts to hear the truth. Do you live in a fault divorce state? Because if she does get divorced, she can have you and all your records subpoenaed to court to give testimony of your adultery. You may not have heard the last of it. When you put out with a married person that is the risk you take. Everyone will know. And everyone should know what you did. The more people that know, the more people to hold you accountable in the future.

Have you told your husband you were shagging your boss? He needs to know so he can protect himself from you. Have you had STD testing?

Guest,

I found out that my H cheated and I was devastated and lost all the purpose of marriage.

OK your H's AFFAIR was never resolved.

I felt sorry for him because he treats his wife like a queen but she is lazy and wastes money.

Most likely she is hardened by years of OM cheating on her, the pain you felt from your H's affair has no doubt been felt by her many times since OM is a skillfull seducer and a practiced hand. The lie of demonizing their spouse is one of the oldest tricks in the book.

All she said was she's disappointed and that I can have him if I wanted.

She dosen't want OM because she knows him better than you do.

Please don't forget that OM cheated not just on his W, but he was also cheating YOUR CHILDREN out of a Mother and Family. A man who would harm children is NOT a good man.

God Bless
Gamma

I will bet the farm you are his first A. The way you call his W lazy and talk about her spending is none of your business, just like lowering yourself and having s*x in HER house was a disgrace both to yourself and her. It's really bad how low you stooped and with your boss even. You are in a very bad place and it isn't because of your DH having an A. It's because of something within you. Talk about his W as you may but you are the one who is hiding, sneaking and allowing someone else's H use you like a common prostitute. Of course she said you could have him. He's a cheater, liar and doesn't have respect for women.

If you are here because you want to start taking steps towards being a better person, etc, a good place to start would be with honesty, including being honest with yourself...

This is actually where most WSs rewrite history:

Wrong!

Finding out about your H's affair led you to let down your guard but the reason that you started to develop feelings was because you let this man meet your ENs starting with intimate conversation. That's how most affairs start.

Not your H's fault. 100% your responsibility to not allow others to meet your ENs.

Telling yourself this LIE will not help you.
Try again.

Well, he was showing you zero respect. So, feeling cheap & stupid in that situation seems appropriate.


How DARE YOU criticize the wife of the man you're screwing. In his car no less.



Videos and pictures?
Naked?



It's interesting.
No mention of your husband or your kids.
Or YOUR marriage.

Now, Pep. Why would she want to clutter up her romantic drama with those people? It would bring that distasteful business of REALITY into the picture.

Actually Pep is very ~~~>
Mods notified to keep an eye.

Dang, girl. You beat me.

Me, me, me, me.

I, I, I, I.

As someone said ages ago when "sadwh" posted, where is the part where you give a dayum about your FAMILY?

Folks,

For the sake of her Children can we be a little less harsh on first timers? or at the very least not gang up on her. Even if you think this OW will never get it please try to help her so she can get her head together to help her kids.

It's not clear that her H knows, and now she might bury it for years limping along in a truthless marriage.

It takes people some time to understand many of the concepts here, to understand that a revenge affair does not balance the scales but doubles the misery, etc.

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma, Thanks but no thanks. I believe it's in the best interest of foggy posters to see how others view them. I personally don't approve of your approach, but understand that is your style and respect that. I would appreciate the same consideration. Otherwise, you can report me to the moderators.

am i the only one so far to think this might be a troll?? any OW who has read even just one thread would be either super brave to post here or mad. I really dont think this thread is real.

Okay, I just cannot help myself. Your words are in black, my thoughtful considerations , you will find in red.

Take this for what it is - the deeper meaning of what YOU have written for us to see. Insight into your own mind.






I've known this man for ten years. He's older. These two statements are made specifically for one purpose, and that is to explain to the reader that this man has a long-standing history with you, and that his age places him in a position over you of some sort. Here, you avoid telling what that position is, yet you reveal it later. Unfortunately, it comes off as lying behavior. I am not sure if the man actually IS your boss, or if he is simply a co-worker, or perhaps not even job-related, due to the fact that you fail to list it in this particular thought/reference here, which would be the natural point, especially given the fact that it is your opener and your "first" thought. Yet, you have a concealer...I have no other conjecture as to why you place the job information later, except to conclude that it is not fully valid, or perhaps you are concealing something else relative to this information.


We are both married with kids. Strange, this is oddly thrown in here, and there is NO emotional connection or reference to them whatsoever here or anywhere else. I find this quite unusual. It is as though the children exist behind a wall for you...or not at all?

I've always admired him because he's nice, but never any romantic feelings.
I have never "admired" anyone because they are "nice". Lots of people are "nice". Mother Theresa, I "admire".

I found out that my H cheated and I was devastated and lost all the purpose of marriage. After that I started having feelings for this man. I confided and him my devastation and all of a sudden he offered help with everything, he even said that he can anything I want him to be. Some points here: He took advantage of the fact that you and your husband were on the outs; you confided marital information to him which likely included your anger toward your husband, you likely complained about how terrible your husband treated you, that you felt entitled to revenge for what he did to you, and the OM took advantage of this outpouring of your "feelings" toward your husband. Then, in your sense of outrage and entitlement, YOU dropped all boundaries toward the OM, YOU opened the door, and YOU let OM into the marriage, all the while knowing perfectly well what it was like to have your spouse betray you...and furthermore, you were using the affair your husband had as weak justification for the behavior. We talked on the phone while he was on a out of town trip for hours, he kept telling me how much he wished I was there and the places he wanted to show me. When he got back he got me flowers and tried to kiss me, but I rejected him. One way or another, he convinced me that he's been in love with me for ten years. I was touched and maybe because he's also my boss that I didn't know how to say No. OR, maybe because you were still angry, betrayed, and feeling a need for revenge, and felt justified because of your husband's affair...... So the affair started in his office, in his home, the park, in the car. I felt cheap and stupid, because you knew it was wrong from the start and at the same time I felt sorry for him because he treats his wife like a queen but she is lazy and wastes money which is what the cheaters always tell their affair partners; and what your husband told his OW; and if you look back, it was what you told this OM about your husband, too.... . I tried so hard to end it but he always manage to reign me in with his emails and letters and he said I was the best, I enjoyed pleasing him he fed your ego, and this worked because this is what you were looking for, and what your husband was not doing for you at the time, and OM knew that, because you TOLD HIM THIS... . I regretted each time and finally I ended it and quitter my job but didn't quite cut the ties, because you didn't change your phone number, or email address, because read your next sentence.... . He kept emailing me, testing me, calling me, sending me photos of him announcing his love for me. But I couldn't keep lying. I knew if I told him directly that I want to end it, he would convince me otherwise because you really did not want it to end, the affair fed something you needed, something you enjoyed, you had a GAIN from this, despite the guilt and shame.... . So I gradually ignored is calls, texts, emails, deleted our private email account after much time went by, and I only talked to him a few times, it was hard to "let go" all the way, really.... . Still he finds every reason to get me to talk to him using work as excuses oh, but remember you quit that job.....see what I mean about deception? .


After two years of ending the relationship, I received emails from his wife and they were explicit emails we've exchanged. seems like those email accounts should have been completely closed, but alas... She found the emails, phone calls, videos and pictures . I don't know why he kept them because you and he never really stopped contact, and he knew you never really would, that he could have contact with you at will. .

I am angry at him for keeping the evidence Frankly, you should be angry with yourself and him for HAVING AN AFFAIR, the evidence-keeping being the least of your worries. My guess is that you are angry that you have pictures and videos of yourself in compromising situations, and that you do not know what she might do with them - perhaps she has threatened to tell your husband? but I feel more guilt that she is in this situation. All she said was she's disappointed and that I can have him if I wanted.
She may change her mind. She may not. That is her life, and she gets to choose.


She doesn't even give him a second chance or feel any pain that she might lose her H.
She doesn't have to give him a second chance. You might not know their history. This could be his third, fourth, fifth, tenth affair. And even if this was his first affair, YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. Trust me.


She harassed me in more than 20 emails, and I took it, said how sorry I was and I was just a cheap thrill for him As you come through recovery, you will discover that this is more true than you might imagine right now. .

She said, yes, you were and that he thought I was not even good looking or that he even had a good time.
He threw you under the bus at the very first opportunity. YOU WERE NOT SPECIAL, AND YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. THAT IS THE SAD FACT OF BEING 'THE OTHER WOMAN'.

I don't care what he thinks of me, I just want them to work things out. I was stupid and selfish to cheat and lie to the the people I love. I was such an idiot.


I wish she'd stop harassing me, saying that I seduced her H by confiding in him YOU DID. and that he was not in my league because I'm nothing but a [censored] The fact is that she sees you as this, from her perspective. The very same perspective that you likely see your husband's affair partner from. You are THAT woman, to her, and will always be.

.


If you mean for real to turn this all around:


you have much work to do.


Start with confession to your husband.
A letter of no contact and apology to the betrayed wife.

And then clear up this issue for me regarding the work thing, and who this man really is.

Sad. Pathetic. USED UP WOMAN.

This "man" who you have allowed to use you for 10 years or so? I am surprised your own husband isn't suing you for divorce and if I were a betting woman, your fellow adulterer's wife DIDN'T KNOW that he was shagging an inferior at work, putting his job and his marriage every day in jeopardy.

How DARE YOU IMPLY YOU KNOW JACK CRAP ABOUT THEIR MARRIAGE, saying she wastes money, etc. You know within seconds, if your manho divorces, you'd offer your "services" again to him in a nanosecond. You slam his betrayed wife because YOU WANTED TO BE THAT WIFE didn't you? Didn't you?

I hope you ARE scared that you'll be drug into court by the betrayed wife. Look honey, I dealt with an other woman for the last seven years (he married IT and just divorced IT) and I for one, do not play around with my thoughts or mince my words.

YOU HAVE WREAKED HAVOC ON THAT FAMILY, TORN IT APART and DID THE SAME THING TO YOUR OWN FAMILY.

How DARE YOU COME HERE and BRAG and have not one ounce of repentance for doing what you did. At least the skankho in my situation, APOLOGIZED TO ME PROFUSELY when she "got it" after breaking up my family and figuring out my xwh is a [censored]. But it still harmed my child and she stole my family monies with a smile and no shame.

Look, you'll get ZERO SYMPATHY FROM ME. You won't. And if you're NOT WOMAN ENOUGH TO WOMAN UP to the destruction you have caused, and ARE NOT WOMAN ENOUGH TO TRY TO FIX IT, then you're the lost cause I sense you are.

I dare you to prove me wrong. I'm never wrong about other women. Know how ya'll operate. I sure do.

I will pray for his poor betrayed wife, for YOUR POOR BETRAYED HUSBAND WHOM YOU SEEM TO FAIL TO MENTION AT ALL, and pray that God place heaps of flaming coals spiritually on your lap so that you feel the heat of the place that unrepentant waywards go at their life's end, if you do not STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND CHANGE.

In the case of my xwh's ow? I subpoenae'd her. It's a legal and free and open document ANYBODY IN THIS COUNTRY CAN SEE that shows her involvement in sin, lies, and stealing. The whole world can see what she did, and your illicit paramours' wife might just get sick of your sh(t and do the same thing too.

I think the thing that makes me so infuriated with this poster is she VIOLATED THEIR MARITAL BED. That takes some kind of evil to do that in the family home, IN the marital bed.

That is something the xow/now divorced affairage wifey did with my xh that made me leave every d*mn thing in that bedroom when I left him. I never ever ever wanted to TOUCH that bed, that diseased bed after he let that trash and her bodily fluids on it.Yuck.

How did it feel walking INTO HIS HOME, seeing all the family photographs on the walls and around the house? How was that for you? Or were you so TRYING TO STEAL THE LIFE OF HIS WIFE that you coveted everything you saw on your way into their home when you'd have sex with HER HUSBAND?

Note she has not told her husband.

And she hasn't been back.


Because.....???

Roaches run from the sun.