to answer the ? "who r u?" I am a wife (on paper, XW), a mother & grandmother. I would describe myself as caring & loving. Caring in the sense that I try to treat/speak to people as I would like them to treat/speak to me. Loving as in affectionate. I have taken those "personality tests" for employment and it descibes me as a counselor. I try to make people happy & feel good about themselves. (I know that sounds contridictory to what I've done) As far as gifts, I try to think of things with meaning. For our 20th anniv. last year I made a poster for H that said "20 Things I Love About You", for V day this yr. I gave H a 3x5 framed picture of my lips. I kissed a piece of paper with lipstick and then had it blown up and framed. anyway, I hope this gives alittle more insight to me. gotta get to work, will try to get on later tonight. thanks everyone have a great day!! peace!

Trace90,

Ok, let's start with this. Do you expect that the person you love should show love and respect toward you? do you expect that someone you love would be honest with you? Would you expect to be honest with them? Would you say that you are a woman of integrity? Are you a woman of faith? Would you say that other than your affair, that you have been a good wife?

Trace90, I am seeking to find out your boundaries, your code of life.

You are not at home with your H, who takes care of the children? How old are the children? I belive that you said they know of your affair? Have you and the children talked about this event and what it has done to everyone's life?

I have many many things to say to you, but before I start in I need to have a better feel for who you are. More importantly, YOU need a better feel for who you are? Not what you have done, but who you are, who you aspire to be.

You need a plan and plan "begging" is clearly not doing the job. Part of the reason lies with your H and the fact that you have not yet been honest with yourself, which is hard to do until you know who you are and what you stand for.

Some will disagree, but you had an affair and violated your vows. You may or may not save your marriage, that is a consequence of having an affair. BUT, you are not a second class citizen and you are not a slave, you don't need your H's approval to be the woman you want to be. Hence we need to know "who you are."

My guess is that your plan should not include begging, but to construct a good plan based on MB principles, you need to know more and to help you we need to know more.

Think about it.

God Bless,

JL

Would you also describe how you hit rock bottom? If you have not hit rock bottom, then how did you feel remorse for your actions?

I would like to know your views on remorse and your expectations for just compensation.

I hear a lot of fear from you because you are drowning. I am just curious is fear your driver or is remorse your driver?

Would you describe the gifts you gave him to be more about you or him?

You gave him a poster of things YOU love about him. YOU gave him a poster of YOUR lips.

I think things are much more driven, from my gleanings here, from how YOU WANTED THE MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP to go and what YOU THOUGHT AND FELT was more important.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but my grandmother told me that "there's a lot to learn about a person if you look at the gifts they give others". She was right. Has there been a tendency for you to be FAR MORE A TAKER in the relationship than your betrayed husband has? I think this may very well be the case, and IS THE CASE with many waywards.

I just finished reading your thread. Did you ever get back together with your husband?