My lawyer says there is no way to keep the other woman from being around my children. None the less I asked the IM to tell him I didn't want the kids around her. His response through IM was "The kids like her they are just confused because you call her the mean lady." They had only met her once, at Dairy Queen, before yesterday, I had scheduled the visitations during her work hours... but he started making a fuss and wanting them more often...

So yesterday he took our children to the 2 bedroom apartment where he has sex with someone not his wife to hang out with the other woman and her children.

Should I send a message through the IM just restating that it is upsetting to the kids? Or ignore this?

My 6yo understands what is going on (and the 4yo) and he says it makes him feel bad inside because daddy is doing the right thing. Now he is flaunting his infidelity around the kids.

Help!

I would find another lawyer or tell your current one to get off his dead [censored] and make it happen. Lawyers are lazy and won't do things unless you impel them to do it. They look for the easiest, softest way unless you instruct them otherwise.

You need to tell your lawyer to make this happen.

Well.... is there a way to switch lawyers once it has been filed? He has been served, and legal separation has been filed. I think my lawyer is no help to me.... I called to ask if my husband's opening a new credit card would count as marital debt, left a message, secretary called back and said to stop calling because it is costing me money. I still don't know the answer to my question.... I had been calling to ask if we could get an emergency child support and the secretary kept leaving a message and not calling me back....

It took them 3 weeks to get him served..... that seems like a long time.

I live in Illinois if it makes a difference

I know that I shopped around for lawyers and have found some respond promptly and others don't.
The ones with 'assistants' are often so busy they didn't really get back to me....ever.
You could try calling around. Do a google search of recommendations in your area, check up on your state bar site to see their standing and then call several
to get a general feel for them. Who answers the phone? How long does it take to get back to you? Who understands your situation and gives input with out having to go in to see them?
If you like someone over the phone......google them more. Try to find comments about them and who recommends or does not recommend them.
Sounds like you have a busy, overly staffed office?

I found my lawyer by asking a friend who had been through something similar. There are many of us around.
I know the laws are not the same as here but my lawyer did say that although I couldn't say I didn't want OW near kids I could say that I wanted WH to see kids on his own, since he didn't see them much they needed to have 100% of his attention when he did.
Hope this helps

It feels like I just have a lawyer who doesn't really want to help me and doesn't understand why I don't want to divorce and move on.

You live in an alienation of affection state. Tell WH to keep skank waY from kids or you will sue her.she will have to spend money for legal representation and admit her sin in a courtroom. Sue her for half he money WH spent on her for dinners etc. You didn't authorize your half of marital funds to be directed _to her. Make her defend herself in court. Gf

I was busy yesterday and did not see this.
I'm sorry this is happening to you & your kids.

I am not qualified to address the legalities of your situation.
I think you might change your thread title to: "Any MB attorney-> question"

Its okay... my real question was whether I should send a message to him through IM to reassert that I don't want her around the kids, or if I should bother

I don't see any reason to believe he wouldn't just ignore it.

If you are in that type of state THEN BY ALL MEANS SUE THE OW. If her family facilitated the affair, and basically aided and abetted the affair, you can also possibly sue them too.

I have a friend who did this in MS and WON. He sure did.

Look, I've told you too that your attny wasn't representing your needs and not listening. YOU tell the attny what to do.

You tell attny that you want written into the sep docs that there are to be NO VISITORS OF OPPOSITE SEX OVERNIGHT IN SAME HOME WITH CHILDREN DURING VISITATION. I think I've said that like 3x already that this is NORMAL legal jargon in many sep and divorce decrees. It was in mine. And tell them that they are not to be exposed to the affair, and have them write that in it too!

Mehr, I am worried about you. I get that your whole world right now is what is going on in your marriage. But hon, in Plan B, you should be focusing more on what YOU are doing to make your life better.

Legally, as far as your WH exposing your children to the OW, there are some things that you can do and you've been told these things. Yet, it seems as if you do nothing except make phone calls to your attorney and continue to complain. If your attorney is NOT living up to his ethical responsibilities, you CAN fire him and go with another attorney.

I was a little bothered by his secretary telling you to quit calling, but being in the legal field myself for many years (two years of that with one of the top Family Law firms in my area), I can kind of see her point. It DOES cost you $$ every time you call. Your calls can be billed against your retainer as a "client communication". When that retainer runs out, you will be billed for anything over your retainer. If you are calling every day, you are using your retainer fast.

Your attorney is your advocate in your DIVORCE, not in your marriage. His ethical duty to you is to represent you in your DIVORCE. He is not a marriage or family counselor, and at the end of the day, he goes home to his own life. I suspect that the secretary was relaying a message. When I worked in Family Law, 25% of my time was spend hand-holding clients, especially on Fridays and Mondays, when the phone would ring off the hook with clients reporting every little complaint and slight. Family Law is a difficult field and not all attorneys are suited for it.

With all that said, if you are not satisfied with your attorney and you feel as if he has neglected your interests, then get another attorney. You can also file a complaint with your State Bar Association, which may or may not result in getting some of your $$ back, IF there are very specific things that your attorney is not doing for you. It won't stop the divorce however. The only way to stop it (for a little while at least) is if you instruct your attorney to drop the suit. That's a risky move because the Judge may ask your WH if he wants to cross-file to keep the suit going. I was able to drop the suit in my case three days before the divorce was final because my H had signed a waiver.

So Mehr, what are you going to do about all of this in light of the fact that your attorney is not responding (or willing) to assist you in keeping the OW away from your children? He can always ASK the Judge and get turned down. He's not even willing to address it.

You have a golden opportunity since you are in a AOA state. There aren't that many states that recognize this cause of action. Definitely instruct your attorney to add this element to your divorce or to file a separate lawsuit. Keep in mind though, that it will cost more $$ to do this. OW may be judgment proof, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be worth it to force her to court to face her choices.

What's the time frame for your divorce? When will it be final? Is there any active "discovery" going on?

I asked about it several times and the lawyer said NO, there is nothing I can do.

I am worried about me too


I was calling to find out if I could get an emergency child support... something faster than giving him 30 days to mess around.... they didn't answer the question and I was waiting for the answer. The answer is, no, they can do nothing.


We are not getting a divorce.... I filed for a legal separation and am waiting for him to answer it. He has never once even asked for a divorce. But who knows what is happening now.

I googled about alienation of affection and I would never win... I am fairly sure she came into the picture after several bad months because I was raising the kids by myself while he was being entitled, selfish, etc. Neither of us were meeting each other's emotional needs.

I am practically paralyzed in anxiety. I need to call lawyers tomorrow and find a new one. I don't even know how that works... if it means I have to start over on the legal separation?? .... I just feel this one doesn't want to help me...

You saying that you could NOT WIN THE AOA LAWSUIT because you were taking care of 4 kids when he decided to have the affair wouldn't work?

Seriously. You are either having the worst case of self doubt or else you're going paws-up on me right now just saying to the wayward, "it's ok, I'm not going to fight you anymore" or you are giving in.

Please, please act on this. ALIENATION OF AFFECTION MEANS THAT THE OW MADE YOUR HUSBAND LEAVE HOME AND TAKE HIS FEELINGS AND LOVE FOR YOU AND HIS KIDS ELSEWHERE...AND THAT IS WHAT HE DID. AND SHE IS GUILTY.

If you have PROOF OF THE AFFAIR, then you have proof of AoA.

And YES you're not filed for divorce right now, but get the semantics out of your head. You're living apart. You're doing what you can for your kids, BUT YOU ARE IN THE FIGHT FOR YOUR KIDS AND YOUR FINANCIAL SUPPORT AND WAY OF LIFE RIGHT NOW. Forget marriage building.

The affair cannot die unless it is dealt a sharp blow. Sharp blow is dealt by winning the war of custody, child support, spousal support, and DRAINING THE AFFAIR OF ALL ITS' MONEY. Including the skanky how.

But the most IMPORTANT OF ALL IS THE FAMILY STAYING AFLOAT. Meaning YOU AND THE KIDS. WH is gone right now. He may or may not re-enter the picture.

DO NOT WASTE PRECIOUS TIME WORRYING ABOUT IF HE WILL OR IF HE WILL NOT COME BACK. YOUR KIDS NEED YOU NOW TO DO WHAT YOU CAN DO. DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN DO.

If you have friends or family enlist them for a few hours every few days to take a bubble bath. Or let them watch them safely while you go to the doctor and then to the courthouse.

Take long walks in the evening w/the kids. Go outside, get sunshine and breathe.

You don't know how lucky you are to be in an AoA state. That was one of the first types of lawsuits I wanted to pursue, but alas, my state didn't have that but my home state did.

If the OW has stolen family monies from you for the affair, if she has stolen your WH away and from the kids, THEN THE B*TCH IS GUILTY OK? Simple. Very simple.

MEHR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry...never posted to you, but read every word. LISTEN TO PEACHY, OK?

Dust off the emotional dirt...or better yet? Rub it all over your face like a warrior and get back in the game.

No paws-up, hon.

Listen.

To.

Peachy.