What is your opinion?

My wife says she loves me but not in Love with me. She has had a couple of affairs during our 2-1/2 year marriage after dating for three years before that. We have been like room mates the past two years. She has wanted to get an apartment for awile but could not afford to do so. She says she feels guilty that she cannot give me what I need. Through all of this I still love her. There was a time where I was her world too. She has told me that no one has ever loved her or took as good of care of her as I have, that I am a great husband. I started to file for divorce but put it on hold. We decided that I would pay to get an apartment for her for 6 months and see if she misses us at all. This money would go toward any divorce settlement. I feel like a big fool but I still love her very much but I do not want to be a door mat for anybody. I have too much good I bring into a relationship. Does anybody know if this kind of seperation works or is this just the long good bye and I should wait for her to leave and then file? If there REALLY is a chance, I will wait. If not I want to get on with my life. The longest relationship she has ever been in was six years. Maybe she is not capable of a lifetime commitment?

Thanks for your help and advice.

MT

Hope, your no fool your married. How old are you? Any children?

We have no children togther. I have two teens from my first marriage which lasted 12 years.

Hope, sorry you are here but welcome.

Your WW wants an apartment because her affair never ended.

Have you read up on Plan A?

Do you know who the OM is? Are you snooping on her? Was this ever exposed to anyone?

Oh! And I would not in any way support her affair ~ do not finance or help her move!

90-95% of the time when you hear I love you but Im not In love with you there is an active affair. All of this sounds as if there is an active affair.
First thing you need to do is keylogg your PCs and snoop like crazy.
Read Plan A and learn it well. Quit being roommates and make a better husband out of yourself. You cant control her but you can control yourself.

Her first affair was a few months after we were married (10/08) with the guy she dated before meeting me and lasted till (01/11) when the OM got married. I have seen no other communication since that time. I did get software to look at her emails. I found out that she had hooked up with another guy in (5/11) last month. I guess she has a personal ad out there looking since OM#1 has ended. She says she has to work on herself first before she could work on us.

Me 45
Her 44

I am sorry, but she is playing you for a fool. She needs the "separation" so she can carry on an affair and wants you to pay for it. She wants you to finance her affair.

My suggestion would be to stop enabling her. She won't ever love you for making yourself available to be a doormat. Women do not respect or love men who are doormats. They just use them.

I would not give her a cent. Pack her bags and escort her to the door.

I think having a personal ad says it all.

No Kids RUN.

I agree.

Don't listen to her words. Watch her actions.

She has a personal ad so she can explore other men.

Move on, you can do better.

R.U.N.!!!

I have to agree. You never really had a marriage.

Sorry you are in that place. If you still want to fight (for a marriage ), getting her an apartment is the wrong way to do it.

Also what kind of divorce settlement does she think she should get when she never considered herself married at all?

Your wife has been in affair state for your entire marriage!! And you stated that you will pay for her apartment for 6 months and if it doesn't work out that the $$$ will be deducted from the divorce settlement! Well she doesn't have to honor that(And probably won't) and lets face it she isn't coming back to a marriage she really wasn't into in the first place!! My advise is take the rose colored glasses off to stop seeing what you hope to see and finally see what actually who your wife is and who she is not!!

To answer your title question of does time apart help anything? Yes it helps wayward's act more like a wayward.
To save this M your WW would have to make some RADICAL changes. The first one would be commitment.
I know its not what you want to hear and we are all PRO M here. But this woman has serious issues you cant fix. Im sorry.
As far as paying for anything DONT. Separate all ties to her as soon as you can. Stay here and learn what M is about so you can prepare yourself for a better future M.