Long Story Short-

I found out about the EA/PA in September 2009 that my H was having. Found out they worked together 2 months later. They dated for 6 months. H swore they never did anything but kiss.

Fast Forward 20 months. We had been working very hard to recover and make our marriage work. Every time I started to fall back in love with him, I would start "digging" for information as I knew in my heart he was not being completely open.

About 1 month ago- I found a call from his cell phone to Hotels.com from that time in the affair. He denied that he went. He said that she borrowed his phone.

One week later, I had called the local hotels, and found the receipt to the hotel he stayed at, in his name. At this time, he said that he went to the hotel, but they did not have sex.

5 days ago, he FINALLY admitted they had sex. Just twice at the hotel, and did not ever have an opportunity again.

Found out 2 days ago, they had still fooled around at least a dozen times. (Which he with held from me.)

He says that that he was doing this to protect me, because he knew we would be done as soon as I found out. I have begged to him that I needed the truth to get past this, and here we are, almost two years later, I am now just receiving the information. I am pissed, hurt, and feel defeated. I am the closest to walking away that I have ever been.

Is there any way I can ever trust him again and have a real, marriage after this? It's so hard for me to believe so.

-I don't have reason to believe he is still seing her, and I believe they have been done for over a year, But I don't know if I can ever trust this stranger I call my husband.

How do you know when it's time to walk away?

Call the Harleys for coaching.
You have 2 little kids.
Exhaust all opportunities.

Its not time yet dear. Sorry you are hear!

Some key things jumped out at me like you loving him. So there is hope. You need to get Harleys Book on surviving an affair. Once you have digested it then you will know what to do.
I agree with Pepper tho if you can hire the best in the business of recovery of a Marriage after an affair. Do it!
If that is not financially feasible the you can do it with his books and by using this board.

Wow. What he is saying is not that he was protecting you. He was protecting HIMSELF.

Do follow through with what Pepperband suggested. In addition to the other avenues of help offered, there is the Marriage Builders radio show, where Dr. Harley answers emails and calls with situations like yours:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/

This is all heart wrenching. I was at the point that I WAS starting to love him again, and then out came about 60 more lies. I will never understand how he can continue to lie to me, when I have pleaded with him for almost two years for the truth. I had to find it out on my own before he would peep. He rather go to his grave keeping these secrets then letting me know anything. I don't think I will ever be able to trust him.

1)Everything I read has said that he needs to come completely open and honest. It has taken TWO years for this. He has never offered ANY information regarding the affair. I found out EVERYTHING on my own. I found out about them fooling around the dozen other times with a conversation I had two days ago with the OW.

2) They must have no contact. They still work together- so obviously, I don't have this either.

This makes me sick to my stomach. =( I have tried for two years to keep my family together to find out all these lies.

Yes- I understand how/why the affair happened, and what to do to prevent that from happening again. But now, we don't have honesty or faithfulness in our marriage- so what's left besides our two precious children?

=( =( =(

Oh. They still work together.

Then, it is not over by a long shot.

What you are feeling is what any human would feel in your situation and your H is still covering his actions.

Read all the marriagebuilders materials. All the books.

He must leave that job. If he won't, you need to tell him you want to be romanically in love with each other and to have a great marriage but if he stays where he is working, the marriage will not survive.

Demand a polygraph. A ton of waywards spill just about everything the night before in anticipation of them...

Did you ever expose?

I think the affair may still be going on--and if not, your H is not going through withdrawal and recovering as needed. This is continued contact and there is always the chance for the A to start back up. Again--IF, IF it ever ended!

He NEEDS to quit his job and get away from her or you will never be able to recover.

Yes- The A is over- she is about to be engaged to another man. He HAS given me full access to his work e-mail, personal e-mail, and GPS on his phone.

Did you ever expose? What does that mean? sorry!

How much are polygraphs?

Cardinal rules are being broken. You are not protected and your M has never recovered.
Expose this "past" affair to the work place, the OWH if she's married, Your children, Family's and friends. Just in short everyone you know.
Get ready hes gonna be spitting mad.
Make 2 demands
1) No Contact for life, Somebody's gotta go from the Job
2) Engage in a plan of recovery to restore Romantic Love
Or pack it up bud your gone and I will be filing for a D on grounds of Adultery/Mental Abuse and deposing this OW on the stand. I will be seeking CS, Marital residence and Alimony. I will also seek full custody of our children. (its a bluff but he wont know it) The points will be to separate him from his lover and to force him to change.