Im beginning to think less of them together and more of her and I together.

She used to have headaches and backaches and other things that used to nag her daily that she doesnt anymore.

....and all of this since 20 May ?

Now, its only me with my (fewer) sporatic ball breaking sessions she has to deal with

Hang with us two more weeks and I'll bet your sporadic AO's will be a distant memory as well.

See, MS, the incredible value of this site is that it is based on principles and processes. Given the right....orientation....of a situation, the folks here can help a BS implement a personal program to pull a broken marriage together, in most cases. (God, do I wish I had known of this site immediately!)

Keep up the good work, MS.

YES. Since 5/8 actually. She has had headache issues for years and the pain in her upper back for last couple of years. She swears its like the pains she carried everyday have been lifted.

She has done lots of things to keep OM from looking for love. She'd invite friends over to the house to babysit with her, she'd get there, get the kids dressed immediately and head to the park or mall, or she just say she's had enough of him. But, eventually, she'd give into his pressure. Its clear to me and her, she didnt want this guy but had no way of ending it. It obviously was good in ways she didnt want to ruin. Im coming to terms with it.

And, all of you are my heros and have saved me. I not naive enough (hard to believe if you've ready my story at this point) to think I (we're) out of the woods. But, I do think Ive turned a corner. Ive learned the zero value in ripping her head off and the beauty of forgiving and moving on. And, you guys have helped me to this epiphany.

Hi Mike,

I logged in to respond to another and saw your latest. I did respond to you awhile back and pretty much pi$$ed you off that day (sorry, but I was worried)! NG, MB and Susie (and others) scooped you up that day...yea!

I join others in that I am really happy for you!

Good luck to you!

good job mike! keep it going!

cant quote but found the icons! day by day!

It is 11 boxes over from the smiles you found. It looks like a big "mark

just make sure you put what you want to quote in the box. or highlight it and quote from the bottom of the post.

I was young and naive when you posted and I got annoyed at lot of what all of you were saying. I wanted to hear what I wanted to hear and thats not the way to heal. The books have been instrumental and more importantly, you guys who have been on the front lines of this type of thing have been tremendous in my growth and its been only like 2 weeks since I started the blog.

Im almost ready to go onto others' blogs to offer some insight, but my first journey out there got me scared. There is a lot of trouble out there. I think I will hold off until I have complete clarity before I offer suggestions to others struggle with our problem.

I did go over the 39 pages of my posts and, man, did I change my tune over the time. Id like to thank a lot of people who I will continue to rely on: Just Learning, Celtic V., Never Guessed, hils, martial bliss, susieq, and there are lots more who's blunt upfrontness was appreciated. As a non-paying positions, you take it very seriously and personally. Its like a mission from God.

Someone said this is a marathon, not a sprint. So dont for a minute think Im not needing continue kicks in the butt every so often.

As a non-paying positions, you take it very seriously and personally.

Can't speak for everyone, but in my case you're wrong: Mine is a VERY well-paid position.

• I was paid up-front in support I received from then-veterans when I first got here.
• I receive payments every day in the form of watching folks dig out of the pits they arrive her in. (Can you "dig out" of a pit? Whatever!)

Seriously, I'm overpaid! (And the IRS gets NOTHING!)

Mike,

As a non-paying positions, you take it very seriously and personally.

Have to go along with the previous poster, when I stumbled onto MB my W was in a weak EA with an 85 year old dude, and even she thought, who admits to nothing, she would have been in a full blown affair given another year. So yes I'm overpaid as well, plus the joy of not seeing my money go to some lawyer.

God Bless
Gamma

I have a tool I keep handy for occasions such as those:

Seriously, you're doing great, Mike - keep going!

Mike,

You said

OK! Got to ask is someone confused here?

I guess what I am trying to say is that "ball breaking" sessions with a woman is not going to be very effective.

See why we are telling you to have patience and back off?

Ok, I apologize I just could not resist.
Really Mike you are doing better than you think.

JL

Too funny!

And yes, JL is right. You are doing great!

Thanks, I really needed that laugh.

/tj

I love the woman who Im living with now. She focused on my kids, building a career hopelessly stalled years ago, giving me all I need emotionally, handling the pressure and humiliation she suffered in front of our extended family and our friends who know, and understands the severe damage inflicted on me and kids and lets me know in said and unsaid ways she'll be forever earning my trust and forgiveness. Sent her text today: I forgive you. Must have been the 100th time I told her that.

This is a woman who saw her life flash in front of her eyes in Mother's Day. I can be a road block towards her destination of making us better by AO'ing and being a major PIA. Keep grilling about needless details and making her uncomfortable. Im doing better on that front. Maybe the ADs are having some effect? Too early? But Im regaining some control I need to have.

The bottom line is no one feels worse than she does about what she let happen to herself for that long. After it got bad with him she continued to be his. She is having difficulty coming to terms with that, how she lacked any self confidence and had the fear to get out when it was pressure from him making do things. I read about on another blog by a FWW and its odd thing to imagine unless you're in it.

She is deathly afraid our girl who knows too much about what happened will let herself get into that situation. Not so much about getting EN met by another, that can happen to anyone, but 1) not discussing issues when they arise with your husband and 2) being under the influence of someone when theres no real basis to the relationship. And several other A related issues we are desperate for her to not know about.

We are both scared about any lingering affect on our kids which, thank God, nothing yet seems to have manifested. Our open affection and, frankly, me staying put, have a lot to do with that.

hope you are doing well today.

Doing good today, a bit anxious, but doing good. Had a nice date night last night with my wife and we are doing great.

Don't let anything get in the way of that wonderful thought today, enjoy that new memory..........
Keep busy...........

I know the program calls for getting all the information about the A one needs in a marathon session and then speak no more of it. Well my session took one month. Today is the 1 month anniversary of dday.

I asked the question that I wanted to know and got the answer which I believe to be the truth as best as she knows and was pretty much on target with what I imagined. Taking in plus or minuses of what may be her foggy reality, Im very OK with what I heard.

In fact I have a certain peace about it. I dont kid you.

I had a lousy day and this question always seems to be at the center of my thoughts. She was upfront, matter of fact, didnt shy away and just wanted to tell me the truth and I promised not another question about the A.

My marathon session was one month.

.....and you managed to keep caged the AO-Monster, I take it!

ill take it too.

good job mike
mine took 3 mos. so you are doing great

no AO! please its a step back, not worth it....