<BR>This is another question with regard to the OW and her current affair/previous affair with my h. The majority of responses at my previous "I want to ruin" post indicate that people think I should somehow let the husband know. <P>If I sent an anon. letter simply stating that she is having an office affair and it isn't the first time (for all I know it's the 12th!), this would at least alert her h. I think he probably will believe it, since he must feel that something isn't quite right.<P>I think that my h.'s friend may not tell the husband because he would then risk losing his job (and being blackballed in their profession).<P>As far as Policy of Agreement, my h. wants the other h. to know, but if I specifically tell him about sending a letter, he will not be able to honestly deny being involved in exposing her.<P>Whatcha think, folks?<P>I am not angry and vengeful today, just feeling like I might be doing everyone, including her, a favor. (She admitted to me that she needs prof. help).<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>

I still think your marriage has to come first. Going behind your H's back, even with the best intentions, may not be the best thing you can do for your marriage.<P>And what if she intercepted the mail?<P>Since there is a threat of retrobution to people, I'd just be cautious.<P>Also recheck your heart for motive, if it doesn't come clean, I'd also wait.<P>Your marriage comes first. In this case, even over the H's right to know. <P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I agree...send the anonymous letter. Don't bring your friend into it, but tell your husband that you are doing it, and that he will need to deny it if ever confronted. After all, HE isn't the one sending it, you are -- so he can honestly say that he did not send it. If he can't do this, then it's up to him whether you send the letter or not.<P>My advice is to send it from a town nearby, if that's possible. And you might want to wear gloves too, but maybe that's just paranoid me talking.<P>

Liz<BR>In my case I sent an anonymous registered letter with my evidence to the OMs W. I accused nobody of anything just said if her hubby met the criteria I had listed regarding being out of town on such and such for such and such, etc, then...........she had a problem. And I also said if the pieces didn't fit then I was sorry for bothering her. Unfortunately.........'the shoe fit'. <BR>You can also send stuff that can only be received by the person named. Check out the USPS web site, for more info. It was the best money I had spent in a very long time.

Excellent suggestion from never again.<P>Choose a delivery method to ensure that he will actually receive the letter.

FHL, Cristalle1 and NeverAgain:<P> If I sent something, it would be mailed from out of state with the help of another betrayed friend who feels badly for the h. although she doesn't know him. It would be sent to his office. I've thought about the effect of his learning about it at work, but she certainly must be getting the mail first at home in order to keep her secret life a secret, so it would be the only way to be sure he saw it.<P>The other problem that I see with this method of telling him is that she may become angry with coworkers that have nothing to do with him finding out, and there are some very nice people close to the situation. (Unfortunately, none of them saw fit to warn me....).<P>My own motives are still mixed, but there may always be a part of me that carries the anger. I don't see that as a reason to let her keep doing this. Some of those same 'nice people' may be the next ones hurt. <P>There is another couple from the office that divorced two years ago, and she was "best friends" with that husband till he lost his job over substance abuse. If my suspicions are correct, that makes three married men that she has entangled.<P>On the other hand--my energies are certainly being dissipated thinking about this. My out of state friend said that therapists she has spoken with advise doing SOMETHING pro-active to help with your healing process. Stopping her from ruining families seems pro-active to me.<P>I'm not doing anything yet, but....<P><BR>LIZZIE<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>

Dear Liz,<P>Just do it. You can be gentle and anonymous but just tell the husband that you think he has a right to know that his wife has been involved with married men. Just that is enough and I think that there are probably MANY married men that would fit that bill.

Liz, I agree that you should tell him. What about having your out of state friend call him on the phone. She could deliver a pre scripted message and hang up.