Saw the second counselor today and he is worried about the fact that my wife already saw a lawyer. I have three big hurdles now:
- secure my job or find a new secure job fast
- get my wife to the counselor with me and see what transpires
- I absolutely crave normal, romantic interaction with a normal female. It is so lonely in the evenings when nobody is around and when my wife is around I feel as if I am in a snake pit. The snakes seem docile but you never know when they will bite and you know they don't dig your presence.

Aaghhh, this sucks!

The way I feel now is that I just want to go and sit down in a corner and die.

My wife went on a business trip for 3 days and was due to return tonight, so I prepared a nice warm bed for her but when I phoned her to enquire if she has arrived at the airport already, she barked in my ear that she has arrived but that she is not coming home tonight and that she don't want to talk with me.

I am so devastated, I don't know what to do. It's as if she is posessed by some demon. I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight. I am so sad, sad, sad.. It feels as if my world is falling apart. 3 weeks ago everything seemed fine. Now everthing is falling apart.

What can I do????????

Melodylane

You were spot on!!! I discovered my wife's affair!!!

Got home unexpectedly and caught her with the guy in our house!!

She told me that she is 300% convinced that she wants a divorce, she was packing her clothes in a suitcase in front of me and off they went together to disappear for the rest of the weekend!!

What on earth? Is there any hope?

She agreed to come with me to a counselor on Tuesday but only to help me cope with the process of separations. She actively encourages me to go off and have my own life!!!

Is there any hope???

I don't know what to say to you, except that I'm sorry you are going through this.

I would say her encouraging you to go off and have your own life- is to ease her in some way... similar to my stxwh saying "I dont care if you go to the movies and eat dinner with a man every Friday night bc I trust you." or "go do what you need to do to help you through the R of my A." I did not do either of these things and I would encourage you not to "go off"

My wife left me alone at home and then took off for the long weekend without telling me where she had gone. So I had the chance to open her telephone account, and just see what is going on: reams and reams of SMS's to a specific number. I phoned the number and...she answered. Then I learned that se is on holiday with this "client" with whom I caught her in our house. She said at the time that he was divorced, had mental problems, his father is sick and his little daughter has some serious ailment and, and, and....the poor man!!

So now I sit alone at home with the knowledge that my wife and this poor sole is on holiday at his father's condo by the see!!!!

And all the time she tells me that I am a control freak, that people don't like me and that its my fault that we don't have lots and lots of friends who wants to visit us, and, and, and.... You name it, and I am accused of it!!!

And she again said it's over, without warning, nothing. I just noted the last couple of months that I was not getting my emotional needs met, that I am being criticised for bringing it up, etc. etc. like everything is my fault.

What happens if she fins out that this poor troubled soule also has flaws, or the infatuation wears off, etc. Am I willing to take her back, do I want to take her back?

I think I will not be suprised if a couple of years down the line she pulls the same stunt on me again. This is now her 3rd marriage destruction and this is a carbon copy of the way she destroyed her 2nd marriage. Her 1st marriage ended amdist a hell of a lot of emotional outbursts from her side. Both her 1st and 2nd husbands are happily married in the meantime. The common factor in her merriage destruction is she herself.

So, in my case, I think it will be a matter of good buy and good riddance. I deserve better than this. I put in everyghing that I got in this marriage and now I a treated with the utmost disrespect. I will be a lover of continual emostional pain and on my way to financial ruin in my old age if I stay with this woman any moment longer.

Now that I start thinking back: I drove all the way to the airport to pick her up from a business trip. I was so excited to see her coming out of the luggage area but she kept working her cell, checking SMS's and I felt really put off. On the way home I tried to have a nice conversation with her, like a couple in love do when they haven't seen each other in a long time, but I sensed her attention was not with me. That night I went to bed with a knot in my stomach, sensing that something does not feel right.

When I phone her at night to tell her that I made dinner and enquire when she will be home since it is getting late, I am being told that I am a control freak and the reason that she wants a divorce is that she does not want to be controled by me anymore!!!

I think I am actually getting crazy. Am I a control freak because I worry about our finaces and respectfully ask her to stick to our agreed upon budget, when I respectfully enquire when she will be home after work when I fixed dinner for her? Am I a social outcast because I would rather be with my wife after work and over weekends that to go off on my own and hang out with the guys (and girls?)

Or can I still consider myself a normal guy who is being gaslighted by a wayward spouce who tries to justify her behaviour by letting me understand in the most accusatory way that everthing is my fault since I am a social nobody and a control freak who constantly moans about money????

Have you told both her and his employers she's doing a client? At my company, that will get you fired....it's called Conflict of Interest.