How you doing?

Hey Pep

Haven't been on for a little bit and came back today and saw the thread about your surgery. Hope your feeling better today and you get nothing but good results.

How did you know yesterday was the day to bump my thread?

What kind of connections do you have?

Know where I was?

From last detox (Mid April after 11 day binge)it was determined WW Alky has gastritis. She never followed up with meds or Drs appointment. She had 18 days of sobriety again and started drinking friday until

3:30 am yesterday. Took Mrs Nesre to ER. Would this now be considered acute gastritis?

Then to detox at her request. I think this made 13th time.

Right about the same time as you bumped this thread I was signing the MTA. She had signed it on tuesday. Somewhere in the next 30-90 days the D will be final.

Also had a counseling session at 5 PM. Counselor challenged me to strongly enforce the bounderies that will be set forth in the D decree.

TOOK OUT INFO THAT WAS HERE UNTIL I HAVE THE JUDGES ORDER.

Family, friends, employer and even her parents are supportive of me. Everyones heard all kinds of promises concerning the desire to quit drinking over and over and they just don't come true. During the last 18 days not much happened except she did not drink. No meetings, sponsor, counselor or anything.

Another friend who works in the alcohol field told me it will take WW falling flat on her face and realizing no one is there to pick her up except herself to snap her out of the sick cycle she is in. If she can't quit the physical consequences will ensure she does eventually.

Kind of lost at the moment as I have not been single for close to 32 years.


Thanks for asking. Your incredible timing keeps me a faithful believer.

Say hello to Mr Pep for me. I pray for you both.

nESRE

From Jan 2010




WW alcoholic in detox one more time since posting last. Also detoxed at home. As of last night drinking again.

Divorce decree came in the mail today. I do have sole occupancy of the house and WW has approximately one more week to live there. DD graduates next week end from HS and I promised WW she could stay until then.

Financially hanging on by a thread. There is some equity in the house so at this point I don't want to loose it.

Emotionally with her there and now being legally divorced it is totally draining. Didn't really expect that. I want to break down but will not until after she is gone.

Been hitting more AA meetings and keeping contact with those who have supported me all along the way.

When WW alcoholic does finally move out locks and precautions will be put into place. I will have the legal right to have her removed from the property or I can file charges.

This may be the only way I can properly Plan B her. With no respect for any boundaries the D seemed the only way to remove all the safety nets. I did not want to risk paying financially or emotionally for poor choices anymore.

Daughter and Son both know their mother is sick. They are tired also.

MB plans do not work with ALCOHOLICS. Plan B will be for me and DD so we can have a serene peaceful home although DD may move out to go to school with friends.

Thanks to those who read and posted on this thread. I know it is out of the MB's usual. If it helps one other to person in some way some how then it has all been worth it.

Off to personal recovery! I may start off with a few days off of work to go fishing once the WW is gone.

nESRE

Yes, good idea.

Will WW know where you are going or that you will be gone? Be careful to maybe have someone watch the house while you are gone--she might want to break in, or some such as that, should she know you will be away from the house.

Guess that was just wishful thinking of the past for now. For several years in a row we brothers and Dad went to Ontario fishing for 6 straight days. We would catch anywhere up to 50 walleyes a day each. Spoils you to go back to the lakes we live on in the area we live.

Fishing will be local for now unless I sell some assets. Financially I have the whole shebang to pay for now and it is tight. The judge allowed me to be sole tenant of the house until it sells. Each time I put the FSBO sign up it gets nocked down.
DD says she knocked it down once since she doesn't want to leave "The Resort". Their main thing has been recreational wth skiing, tubing, and beating the PWC.

Oh well someone has had to pay for all that. When I am looking at what I can cut out and the choices are coming down to $$ for groceries or put gas in the PWC then I get worried. I don't want to live making choices like that. Would rather live under my means and be able to enjoy what is put in front of me or have the $$ to plan. There is very little I could cut out here to do that. We bought this place as an investment and knew going into it we would need both incomes to keep it.



Karma-I expect she will break in. Only damage will be which door she chooses. Anything of value is long ago out of here and tucked safely away.

In my planning after filing for D I decided for myself that should the D go all the way through I wanted no reminders of her when I start a new life. I gave her the contents of the house. Go ahead and use yur imagination here-Every part of the house was used for SF although we never did figure out how to use the washer/dryer since it is stacked.

I did not want the reminders of what was. In her "double fog" I hope somewhere down the road she wakes up and looks around and says "Everything I see reminds me of nESRE".
Kind of cruel in a way. I just want to move on at this point.


Alcoholic WW is still staying the course. Since the last update she binged for 6 days, got a DUI, went through withdrawl at home here. Not pretty at all without Valium. Dangerous since we have no way to monitor her blood pressure. Stayed sober about 10 or so days and promised to go to treatment. meetings-DO whatever it takes, started drinking again (small amounts) last tuesday. Is now by thursday into full binge again. I haven't (or DD) seen or heard from her since friday morning.

OH-I left out the part where there is no one with in a 30 mile radius that has an apartment that will take a 12 pound dog. No one. Within that radius is a city of 100K. No one will take her with the dog.

She is still here and basically wont leave-The same as before with breaking Plan B. She left twice and I locked her out, gave letter,kept no contact and twice she broke back in when I was at work. Both Pl B's were very short lived.

Last week I was to my IC who deals with addictions and she challenge me to set a date to have WW out of the house. Today is to be WW's day. I informed her that we both know there are at least 3 safe people that offered her a place to stay in the recent past. Problem=These people will not let her stay if she drinks. As I am typing this out where is she to at least take her personal items she would need to live with?

When I was at IC last week couselor just kept asking me "nESRE-Whats in your best intrest here for you and DD". With what we talked about it did not sink in at the time. Took the bike for a short scoot when I got home and it was if it all made sense. Epiphany? Awakening? Either way I do not want to be around the Alcoholic WW as she is now. Should she choose to sober up for over a year then maybe try the waters and see? Not sure even then.

The idea of boundery came to mind. Protect myself and DD.


Going to town shortly. Going to get 2 new deadbolts. Changing the garage door code. Going to lock her out this time since I have the decree. I believe if she breaks in she can be charged with property damage and maaybe trespassing.


My brother already has two nice ladies he wants me to meet when I am ready. He is 7 years younger than me and still hopes to have more children so ladies over his age are kind of ruled out. Nice of him to keep me in mind and look out for me huh? It will be a while.

Personal recovery. Where should I be at this point with MB's? Do I keep posting here or what would the suggestion be. Is there a better fit on one of the other forums. At times I went to D forums and mainly read. There wasn't a lot went on with the D since we are in a no fault state. With WW drunk/gone a lot/insane/irrational a lot of the time she gave no real fight that made sense. She didn't challenge with reason and logic most of what was in the MTA.

Any suggestions.

Found this last night and I don't know if the mods will let me leave it but I am going to try. Made me LMAO! Hope (but know better) that this type of logic wasn't me at one point in my life. There is a whole series of them here and describes the logic of "SOULMATES" and WH/OW.



[video:youtube]http://www.youtube.com/user/moonlocks#p/u/13/5T3ltrX6uv0[/video]

OMG!
That You Tube is priceless.
Consider it stolen.

I hope this is not just talk on your part.

Get a "nanny cam" too.
That way, you can show the cops video of her breaking and entering.

Nes, she needs to be arrested.
It will help her hit bottom.

Pep

The whole series if filled with brainless WH and OW logic.

Sad as it is I found myself laughing MAO with all I have learned here.

Can't think of anyone better that I would want to steal and use it.

nESRE

I wonder if an MBer made these...

Wish I could say I did, because it's just the sort of thing I'd like to do, but...sadly, no.

Pep

She will be for the DUI. Not sure when that will happen. Our state does not take breatholizer any more and its blood or urine. The test takes 3-6 weeks to come back and then formal charges are made.

With the amounts she drinks she could easily go felony with possibly loisng the car and up to ayear and a day in jail.

Headed out soon.

The epiphany the other night was an eye opener. I don't want to be around her as she is. I was so into trying to love who she "was" that it kept me locked in.

Between the A and alcoholism that person is gone. Not sure she will ever be back the same. Not sure I want her back.

nESRE

At any rate, the alcoholism would have to be fixed before you could begin any sort of reconciling about the A, but then, you knew this already.

KR

Definately seems like she may have been here or well real life educated somewhere along the way.

I just hope they can get used for good here. Some of the language may be foul and I wonder about mods but what isn't foul about A's?

nESRE

Our son's New Years Eve DUI arrest was a Godsend.

He's got 6 months sobriety now and is doing GREAT in Army Combat Medic school!

Hooah!

That is a good point you make...A's are foul and to describe a pile of dung you really have to use some harsh words sometimes.

Though why wouldn't a state use the breathalyzer? I've never heard of that.

((((nESRE)))) Just because.

Suggestions? Yes, stick around. Please do. You have wisdom to share because of the path you've walked. Not all marriages are meant to be saved. I consider you a success story because (even though it took you awhile) you are well on your way to personal recovery. When someone comes to MB with an alcoholic WW, who better to provide insight and warnings than someone who has actually lived it?

Plan B like a rock star because I have a feeling things are going to only get worse for your WW and you really don't want to witness that do you? Protect you and those kiddos now from any more of her drama. Treat WW as if you would any drunk (sorry!) off the street who tried to invade your home/life.

I am so sorry for your pain and pray that peace that passes all understanding overtakes your life and the lives of your children for the rest of your days.

P.S. Love those videos.

They were finding to many inaccurate readings with the calibration. Too many people disputing the results and then tying up the courts with each individual machine being targeted as inaccurate.

Blood and urine don't lie.

Also for the social, moderate (friday or saturday night) occasional drinker the alcohol in their bodies leaves a lot qwuicker than the real alcoholic.

From talking to personel at the detox center most occasional drinkers bodies will get rid of the alcohol much faster all three ways. That is why my alcoholic WW would see people come in after her or close to the same time and be out 1 to 2 days before her.

Age, amounts, how long all play into it.

She would blow zero on the breatholizer realatively quick but if thy were to take blood or urine maybe 2 t 3 days later her body would still show the alcohol. For a real alcoholic possibly 3-5 days is requred before all the alcohol is out.

Maybe Pep with her work background would be better to explain the whys.

nESRE

As someone who "Plan B"'s an alcoholic father, I have to tell you that it will go over about the same as a regular Plan B...just double the amount of anger that the wayward will have for you. Alcoholics do not enjoy being cut off from their victims/enablers especially not when this "cutting off" is from an outside source. They will wonder what it is that has prompted you to suddenly start resisting them.

Then when they find out about it they will prompt you to try and drop it, so that things can "go back to the way they were"...except, you don't want that.

I apologize, I've been rambling.

I agree with PM, though, to make this short--treat her like any drunk off the street who tried to invade your home/life.

I haven't got a clue.