AEK1,

I can't help but wonder if maybe he has his own thing going on the side.

Now THAT would be the Karma bus.

OK enough about OW.

And maybe it is with your alleged friend !! That would explain a lot things.

Sadly this would mean that another family now gets hurt.

OK I really mean it this time. No more about the OW. We are done with her.

Def not my problem but it eats me up a little....I know it is bad but I want her to suffer. Must get over that as my H is as bad as she is and they deserve and 2nd chance too.

AEK1,

I believe that you have to EARN a second chance. It should not be an automatic given in life.

You know better than I, but it sounds like your H is doing the work he needs to earn his. And that is the big difference
here.

Help please.

H doing well and trying really hard. I feel guilty as I am still not having sex with him as much as he would like which means I'm not meeting his EN.

How do you get to a point when you are both willingly and naturally meeting each others needs? I can't just forget the A and say ok let's do it, this fed great!

I mentioned the A this morning trying to explain that although we understNd how to recover, there is a big elephant in the way.

He really is trying his best. MB has made us both open our eyes however in the back of my mind I still feel having an affair was unacceptable. Just because you are unhappy doesn't mean you get a green card to sleep with someone else..

Progress being made. Each day feels better and easier. I know there is no excuse for an affair but I can now accept it. I love him and we are better connected now that we have been in a long time. I can't bear the smug people who keep saying you must be over it by now. It's just not that easy!! Thank you MB for all your help.

Something is bugging me. When I accused OW of affair over a year ago now, I wrote to her afterwards apologising. I wrote because it had really upset her. My H was aware of this and now I just feel so used and abused. Want to get past this stuff but it's hard as they were so cruel. Is it normal to feel like this?

aek1,

let it go they make you feel crazy my hubby did that too, he actually accused me of being a jealous crazy woman ........they lie and do what they have to you are the collateral damage in this part........anything to put you off the trail........
don't beat yourself up for the cruelty, what did you do wrong? nothing.
jessi

AEK1,

Although you were aware or least suspicious over a yr ago, you did not register on MB or begin posting until May 2011.

Until that time in May when you found MB, you were limping along with no plan or idea on how to recover your M or if you even wanted to. You cannot start the clock back at a year ago ... it starts when you begin to do the things required to R. That was a short time ago.

You suffered an incomprehensible betrayal by your H and someone you believed was a friend. Your feelings are NORMAL at this stage.

To be honest with you, I am still haunted by this from time to time (2+yrs). But it happens less over time. As you rebuild the love, the anger starts to go away. Things start to fall into place (that includes the sex part).

What is he doing to make you feel safe? This was crucial to me.

Have you considered the online program?

Not such a great night.
So much to deal with. Loss of job got to me tonight. Feel I put so much in to the school and now wonder why I bothered.

He is reassuring me about us and our future but I am anxious about his new job. Our kids will go there and it isn't such a good school. I find it hard not to interfere which is what began the problems before. I don't seem to know when to hold my Tongue.

Why would you think that it was all for nothing? You are passing the improved school forward to others. Be proud of your efforts there.

Have you read the policy of joint agreement (POJA)? It is one of the principles here that is instrumental in a healthy relationship.

Yes we have read it and agree with it - sometimes it is too easy to break the rules....

Better day. When I don't think if the A it is Breyer; it's just training myself to not think about it. No sittings of OW for a while. Kids invited to same parties which is tough.

Doing better here. H really trying hard. Things clearer. You were so right about nc and moving away. Only way to recover.

glad to hear it, keep it up.....

Well only a few weeks til kids quit school which is great.... It has been very tough and extremely hard for me. I believe I can start to repair and recover once I am out of that school and moved away.

Things are getter much better. We are more patient, listen better and are understanding of each others needs. We wish we hard found marriage builders a long time ago.... It would have saved us.

I wish I had found MB a long time ago also... but I am here now. One of the hardest things is to not let yourself get too comfortable and slip back to old habits.

That's why I keep reading here.

Glad to hear things are going so well!

Yes I can see how hard it is to break habits as well as stick to them.
My WH wants sex 3 times a week; I think that's quite a lot but I am scared about what will happen if I don't meet these needs.