he scarpered of ourse, two guesses where.

Oh, damn. I was afraid of that. They aren't in love, indie. They're in 'needs meeting.'

o i know

What next!! Help

I said he had a selfish face

thts not really plan A is it

Well, now you have some proof anyways.

What you need to do is get Plan A down pat for a brief time and then Plan B. You need to expose nuclear style. You will need to do both the carrot and the stick of Plan A, while getting all of your ducks in a row for Plan B.

You will need to calm down a bit to be able to pull off a good Plan A. I am so sorry that you had to see that. I know how hard it is. Believe me, I do.

Now you expose to everyone - FB friends and family. Do you understand how to expose?

i didnt foward text though, hands shaking an i dont do smartphones. Still i saw it.

Thy both denying everyting to hilt. H said he had feelings for her, but hadnt done anythng about it, when i said did he want to, he said he didnt know.

she pretended he hadnt called her, called in reply to my clls, said shed only textd 'love you'

Now is time to expose via facebook! Expose! Cut and paste their "email' to each other and find the FB exposure letter written here by Brits' Brat (she's great) and SCORCH THE EARTH with this stuff!!!

This is a very desperate ow imho. She is after your husband 100 percent and even using her fatherless kids as bait too. She is trying to make your husband STEP IN now her husband is dead. He feels like a knight in shining armour "saving" this horrible woman, but it is ugly. SHOW THIS AFFAIR FOR WHAT IT IS..UGLY AND SINFUL AND WRONG.

Bust it up NOW! She is your enemy. Cut your ties to her, draw the line in the sand and begin exposing HER AND THE AFFAIR and DO NOT HESITATE! They both were gaslighting you and that is a form of mental abuse, where people try to make you think that what you KNOW is not the truth or what you HEAR is not really what you heard. It is a very painful form of emotional abuse and a particular favorite way to torture a betrayed wife or husband at the hand of a vile ow/om or even wayward spouse.

Should I facebook this - now? Its DFs birthday

Hello everybody

This is just a letter to inform you all that H my husband and OW my friend have been having an affair. You may know that they began comforting each other following DF's death.

His support for her was a problem for me from the first, because I was actively excluded. She 'couldn't talk' as well when I was there, according to him.

He thought he could live his friend's life for him. Thought he could watch over his kids and his wife - and all the practical day to day stuff that entails - and yet still be a good husband to me. I thought it would pass.

From her I received very patronising marital advice. When I told her I felt excluded she nodded but did nothing. I trusted them both implicitly.

Often the lies I was told contradicted each other. If I noticed this I was sternly criticised. I 'didn't listen properly' I 'didn't remember' because I 'didn't care'.

In fact I cared a great deal and on top of my loneliness and abandonment, I had to watch him bond with another woman in front of my eyes.

I was often criticised in front of her by him, but this was explained as being 'just part of a rough patch and growing apart'

It has never been explained to me just why we were growing apart.

I remained confused and hurt until I found evidence of what was really going on.

A hotel receipt when he said he was staying in a friends last month and last night a text from OW saying 'Just to let you know I am in love with you'. He texted back 'I love you too'.

When I confronted him, H left the house for ten minutes and came back. When he did OW finally returned my calls, her phone had before been engaged at 2am.

After she denied everything I asked him if he had feelings for her and he said he did 'but hadnt done anyting about it' When I aksed if he wanted too, he said he didnt know.

Then he went back on everything and denied it all,

If you consider yourself a friend to any of the three people trapped in this situation, please oppose this affair and the continuation of it. It is simply a way for H and OW to avoid moving on.

I have not sent this letter for revenge, to generate gossip, or to inspire pity, because I will be ok, no matter what happens.

But I would like some support. If I have your support I would be most grateful.

Love

Indie

Cut and paste their "email' to each other

I didnt get it!

My word is enough though right

I'd also have a SECOND email where you cut and pasted their own words and the time/date stamp too.

make it ugly.

Don't play around in your words or be nice. STATE what happened and ASK FOR HELP in support from your friends and family and to whomever you email. ASK THEM TO SUPPORT YOU IN HELPING END THIS DESTRUCTIVE AFFAIR.

Leave out any nice words about the ow. All I would put in the letter is something like this:

Dear Friends of Skank:

As you know, my husband was friends with Mr. X. He sadly passed away last year (or whenever) and was married to Mrs. X, whom we have considered GOOD and close family friend.

I sadly write to you now, to let you know that now, in the wake of her husbands' death, she has begun a destructive affair with my husband, Mr. Y. It is sad, that a family friend and trusted one too, would break more hearts than the death of her own husband did, by attempting to break up MY family too through adultery. The pain of knowing that a once good friend is trying to destroy my marriage is very painful.

Please help support me in breaking up this destructive affair. I am committed 100% to my husband and to our family and want nothing more than this to end and to work towards healing our marriage.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Y

Ok indie,

Take a deep breath. What time is it 3:15AM? That means that you have a little time here to get this right. No one is reading their e-mails at 3:15AM

Let's think about this. You already have your exposure list.

Who on that list would you like to expose via phone first thing in the AM? Close family?

Maybe the others via facebook after you get the letter worded correctly.

I personally like peachy's wording. It is SHORT and to the point. I like how it paints the ugliness of the whole situation and asks for support.

But that is just my personal opinion and I'm not as experienced as the other posters.

You do not have to reveal the details of the text and the other details in the exposure letter. This just ends up being too much info.

You can explain how you know about the A when your supporters call you.

Just my own personal experience here... when I caught my H the SECOND time (same OW), I was so upset that I was shaking (like you are). I removed myself from any place that he was and refused to talk to him.

This saved me from making some BIG mistakes. REMOVE yourself from the drama for right now. Get yourself together.

You know what you saw. Stand your ground. "I know what I saw." Ignore the gaslighting.

I have the feeling that people will believe your word over their's.

Indie, I was there in your place six months ago. I know how you are feeling. I wish you well and I promise after I exposed I felt BETTER.

Good luck

Thoughts are with you, Indie. Stay strong.

If you haven't already started sending out the exposure emails/FB messages, I would change it.


Do you have your list of people who you are going to expose to? It should include, your family, WHs family, OWs family, mutual friends, anyone else who you think can influence them to end their affair.

Hes getting his stuff in binbags on the doorstep and the locks are getting changed.
never been more sure of anything in my life.
They have ganged up on me to callme delusional and crazy. Saying I had misread. OW called said they were 'just friends' and she loved him. Said I had told her my marriage had been unhappy for years. He just went to sleep, saying I would regret it. I managed to grab h phone and run out the house in my nightie. Went to brothers where they helped me expose on FB. Now having the luxury to look at his phone, I see I meant little more to him than a dog. Cried like a wounded animal.
I cnt do the recovery, i cant even do today. My utmost emotional need is honesty and openness. So much I expected it like oxygen.

I have dodged a bullet.

My dads given me a quid for the binbags

Breathe, indie. You can do this. Go one little step at a time. You are in an overwhelming situation right now. Understand that and take care of yourself.

What did you find on his phone?