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My husband had a an affair with his secretary for years and he said when he tried to get out of it she threaten to tell me and his boss. He had enough of it and finally told me himself.
He said he wants our marriage to work out and wants to be with me the rest of his life. But she is not going to quit and he is soon to be the one in charge. Can we survivie with him seeing and speaking with her on a daily basis?
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No.
Please keep reading here, and you will quickly see why.
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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My husband had a an affair with his secretary for years and he said when he tried to get out of it she threaten to tell me and his boss. He had enough of it and finally told me himself.
He said he wants our marriage to work out and wants to be with me the rest of his life. But she is not going to quit and he is soon to be the one in charge. Can we survivie with him seeing and speaking with her on a daily basis? No, pgarvey, I'm afraid that doesn't work. I'm sorry. One of them will have to leave that job.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Are you going to be okay with letting your WH go to work everyday with the woman he had an affair with? How do you think that will make you feel? Are you okay with your WH continuing to have an affair? If you are, then sure, that could work for you. If not, then no, one of them needs to leave the workplace and since she isn't, it will have to be him. His career shouldn't be worth more to him than your marriage.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Can we survivie with him seeing and speaking with her on a daily basis? No.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Can the marriage recover from an affair even though the affairees still work together? Listen to this radio clip with Dr Harley: Dr Harley answers in this radio clip
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Read about surviving infidelity, pgarvey. I've linked a page for you so that you understand exactly what has to happen if your marriage is to recover. Read all the articles and then come back with any questions: here
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!
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He said it has been over for years and they have had no physcial
contact just the harassment.He said he was trying to get back to me but she would not let him. This job is everything we wanted for us,I don't know if I can be o.k.with him working there. I asked him to go to the boss and have her removed. He feels that both of them will be removed, in fear of a law suit.
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He said it has been over for years and they have had no physcial
contact just the harassment.He said he was trying to get back to me but she would not let him. This job is everything we wanted for us,I don't know if I can be o.k.with him working there. I asked him to go to the boss and have her removed. He feels that both of them will be removed, in fear of a law suit. My suggestion would be to expose to the HR Director YOURSELF without your H's fore-knowledge. Your H has to find another job anyway if you want to save your marriage. This is hopeless and will end in divorce if he doesn't leave the job. It won't matter if he has that job if you are divorced, and that is where you are headed. Is the OW married? And if so, does her H know what your H and his sleazy wife have done to him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He said it has been over for years and they have had no physcial
contact just the harassment.He said he was trying to get back to me but she would not let him. This job is everything we wanted for us,I don't know if I can be o.k.with him working there. I asked him to go to the boss and have her removed. He feels that both of them will be removed, in fear of a law suit. It really doesn't matter what he says, pgarvey. You have much work to do to recover from this, whether it happened yesterday or a decade ago. I don't like his attempt to minimize this by saying it happened years ago. Doesn't matter. He needs to go to his employer and put in his notice, explaining why he must leave. While he's at it, he should offer them a heartfelt apology for allowing years of harrassment from OW to impede his ability to give his employer an honest day's work. And he obviously needs to apologize to you for the years of lying, cheating and dishonesty that he has so cruelly heaped upon you. And that's just the beginning, if you really want to affair-proof and recover your M. Please read the articles I linked to you. This is a specific plan to recover from the damage of an affair, not just move past it. It's important that you understand that there is work to be done on both of your parts.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Also, why don't you call up the OW and get her side of the story today? OW usually have big mouths and will give you lots of details. She might even have emails and chat logs she can share with you. See if your H's story lines up with hers.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Oh Yeah called him immediately !! He also suspected it.
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Oh Yeah called him immediately !! He also suspected it. Who did you call? Do you mean you spoke with OW's husband? And HE'S okay with her remaining on the job?? What did he say?
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!
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pgarvey, if you want to recover your marriage, I would expose the affair wide and far and DEMAND that he leave the job and end all contact for life with the OW. Exposure is the best weapon you have in saving your marriage, however, nothing will save your marriage as long as they work together. The issue of exposure comes up when a betrayed spouse has first learned about the affair. Should it be exposed to others, or kept secret? I generally recommend exposure. When should it be exposed? I usually recommend that it be exposed immediately. To whom should it be exposed? I recommend that family, friends, children, clergy, and especially, the lover�s spouse be informed. Exposure in the workplace depends on several factors.
There are many reasons for this recommendation, but the primary reason is based on my belief that the more people know about what I do in my most private moments, the safer I am to others. Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences one spouse can inflict on the other, and it�s far less likely to take place, or continue to take place, when everyone knows about it.
Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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HERE IS THE REAL CLINCHER! OUR SON GOT PARALYZED IN 2000 AT THE AGE OF 14. HIS JOB WILL INSURE HIM FOR LIFE. 2002-2005 HE HAD A AFFAIR I FOUND OUT IN 2007. 2006 HE STARTED UP WITH HIS SECOND AFFAIR HIS SECRETARY. FOUND OUT 1 MONTH AGO A DAY AFTER OUR 30TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
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hAVE NOT HEARD A WORD FROM HER HUSBAND SINCE THAT NIGHT. i AM HOPING SHE QUITS
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HERE IS THE REAL CLINCHER! OUR SON GOT PARALYZED IN 2000 AT THE AGE OF 14. HIS JOB WILL INSURE HIM FOR LIFE. 2002-2005 HE HAD A AFFAIR I FOUND OUT IN 2007. 2006 HE STARTED UP WITH HIS SECOND AFFAIR HIS SECRETARY. FOUND OUT 1 MONTH AGO A DAY AFTER OUR 30TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. I'm sorry about your son, pgarvey. The rest? Not unusual. Your WH obviously has no boundaries and cheats because he wants to and can. The conditions that created the setting for the first affair were never addressed and corrected. Have you read the articles I linked?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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HERE IS THE REAL CLINCHER! OUR SON GOT PARALYZED IN 2000 AT THE AGE OF 14. HIS JOB WILL INSURE HIM FOR LIFE. 2002-2005 HE HAD A AFFAIR I FOUND OUT IN 2007. 2006 HE STARTED UP WITH HIS SECOND AFFAIR HIS SECRETARY. FOUND OUT 1 MONTH AGO A DAY AFTER OUR 30TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. Nice, so he is a serial cheater. Have you considered separating and getting legal protection before he runs you into the nut house? Because this kind of abuse will have a serious effect on you mentally and physically. What your H is doing to you is worse than physical assault. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What does your WH say about all of this? What is he willing to do to regain any semblance of trust from you? What are your requirements to permit him to remain in this marriage?
I would suggest that you have him submit to a polygraph examination. I suspect that these two affairs are the tip of the iceberg in your 30 year marriage.
I would also suggest that you be tested for STDs. There are a lot of creepy crawly things out there in unprotected-sex-land that can damage a woman internally and she doesn't even know it.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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