Hi Indie

don't let him have the laptop, offer to email stuff but don't leave him with it on his own.

You are amazing, I have followed your story and wish I had had half your strength in the beginning of my sitch.

Hang on in there, look after yourself properly, that means eating healthy too. Do a couple of nice things for you to make you smile. However rubbish things feel now, it won't last, you are way too tough for that.

Thinkin of you honey (where in UK? Me North West)

ALL hes done

Neve contributed fully to the upkeep of house
showed no inerest in it, lied to make himself look better

Lied bout money, lied about being a liar

Emotionally balckmiled me

gaslighted me from very early on

said I looked old in front of her

said camping with me would be boring in front of her

called the quiz team last week the approprite name of 'Indie should stay at home'

told me i wulnt be ble to work a smart phone in front of her(worked it enough to catch him)

Made me feel flustered and dizzy abot getting dates/facts mixed up - when i was getting them right

At a gathering of friends i coudlnt make, he said he only got married for legal benefits, with her sat next to him. He was eying my sister for reaction whole time.

You shouldn't trust him right now! He is not worthy of your trust! Gaining back some of your trust may or may not happen down the road. But you don't give him your trust in any event - he earns it.

Okay, sweetie. I know you're tired. I'll make this quick:

1. Don't put the evidence on any social networks. Just let the exposure targets know that you are in possession of evidence of the affair and will share it with them if they would like proof. Be the bigger person in this. Regardless of your reason for putting it on the internet, you will look petty and vengeful.

2. He keeps his meat hooks off that computer. If he wants something from it, tell him to list the docs for you and you will copy them for him. Have you scoured that computer to see what's on there? I suspect there may be incriminating things that he wants to get rid of.

I want to shut up the liars and nay sayers - full disclosure cant hurt and THE TRUTH WILL SET US ALL FREE no matter what he or I decide

1. This makes senses. How do I let them know that? Los of things coming on the grapevine.

2. agree, but without administrators p/word cant do that. Could get sis to request it.

Me NW too! Thanks, I like hearing 'im strong' truth is you all give me strength

Consiering putting VAR in room when he comes,

Never know he might call her all disappointed re the laptop

You already put the truth out there, sister. If you choose to do this, hey, I can only applaud you for nailing the two of them! Have you seen the thread over on the Other Topics forum called "Ooooops!" Hilarious! Go check it out. So, yes, you can really 'out' your WH and Skank if you wish. And that thread may even give you a few ideas. But make sure you want to burn that bridge before you do it.

I guess he's just going to have to cough up the password now, isn't he.

Splendid idea!

[quote=maritalbliss

1. Don't put the evidence on any social networks. Just let the exposure targets know that you are in possession of evidence of the affair and will share it with them if they would like proof. Be the bigger person in this. Regardless of your reason for putting it on the internet, you will look petty and vengeful.


[/quote]

So another fb message to the people on the specific exposure list saying get in touch re evidence if you wish?

I haven't finished catching up yet, but I wanted to say, "History re-write isn't just for the WS." More later I am certain.

I guess I was almost all aught up

Anywho, I agree that you shouldn't put it up all over FB. If someone asks you about the evidence, or if your story is true, then you can say, "I do have evidence, if you would like a look."

You are so close to DDAY and that is why you seem to be teetering towards a Plan F/U.

I can honestly say that after 1.5 years in Plan B, I don't regret one single day of it. I am glad that I took this route. If I were to get a D now, I would KNOW that I did everything possible to try to save my marriage. That is enough for me.

I also figured that I wasn't going to date any time soon, and since I don't believe in dating while I am still married, then I would just stay in Plan B while I healed. And believe me, it has helped A LOT. I am a much better person than I could have ever imagined.

There are some days where I want to Plan F/U, but I am a better person than that and I am not going to let THEM get to me and change who I truly want to be. I wish that for you.

Understand that the emotions you are going through are completely NORMAL and that you are going to be okay, eventually. Take some time. Let us help you get through this, and out better on the other side.

In the interest of truth, which you know is my guiding star, I asked my giver for her take on history to counterbalance the memory of my taker

All he did for me

She reminded me of the FB 'how well do you know indie' quiz that no-one not even lifelong friends got more thn 50 per cent. H got 100.

The 18 red roses and balloons in my bedroom for my 18th bday, arranged as a surprise

the massively thoughtful well researched gifts which has only improved with time

in the early days of grieving for his friend, how we wept together how he looked at me gratefully to say 'you do help so much' before I allowed him to go on alone while at his most vulnerable. I had vowed i wouldnt do this

The poetry he wrote me
"Your eyes show me magic, the magic of your heart, the magic always with me, whenever we're apart."
"If I look into the future, All I see is you. To have, hold and love you, is all I dream to do".
"We first kissed in the pourng rain, I knew then I'd never be the same. As now I now love and what it is to be loved. For that Ithank you and hope you can see, simply how much you mean to me".

How he woried over and looked after my car, I never did any maintenaince on it. If it was icy, or thered been an accident on my route he would worry himself to death till he heard from me.

researching the right, safest car was all him too.

Even in the midst of his fog hes been sayin he cannot leave without making sure I am ok. Wants me to get a job with a shorter drive for safety for example.

Telling me "that you are always pretty, every day... except for when you're sick and when you slurp your tea!".

Mking me laugh until I cried the day I got fired

Telling me I could do anything when I got turned down for a job I really wanted. Reminding me I was the girl who failed her first year university so had just decided to get a first class grade and did it.

Theres actually lots, lots more

Maybe the plan B letter is just the only proper respect for ten years of marriage many of which gave me a great deal.

If hes not capable of taking it up, then I know he burned the bridge, not me.

Should I do it now, or wait a bit?

I've plan A'd in the run up to D day, so dont feel I need more of that. Willing to be told otherwise by you guys...

Smiling trough my tears, Scotland, Thanks.

Britbrat - I changed the country to 'abroad'

I wont say as it will identify him and his field, but hes gotten job offers before and it is really better for his career, while not very good for mine

This seems like a long time to me right now. Can you see light at the end of the tunnel, a positive outcome on the horizon?

If I put in two years and got a divorce, I dont know that I would be able to not regret that.

Dont mean to make a judgement on your personal situation, just not sure I see.

Oh hunny, you're welcome. I was crying when I read that post too.

Okay, since you asked, I will tell you.

My Plan is just that, mine. I totally 100% believed DrH that MOST affairs die a natural death within 2 years of being exposed. That's MOST not ALL. I knew that going in. So I told myself that I was going to put in a MINIMUM of 2 years in Plan B. I have a different end date, that is longer than the 2 years, but that I haven't publicly stated, so I may change my mind as I see fit. At this end date, all that will really change is that I will actually file for a D, if my WH hasn't already done so by then.

See, we aren't even legally separated. He lives with OW, and has since I started Plan B. There was YEARS of lies. There was a TONNE of gaslighting from both WH and OW. There is a lot to get over, if recovery were to ever happen.

I used to believe that I would not get married again, and I couldn't even imagine being with someone else. I had even told my WH this, after the ILYBNILWY speech but before the true dday. Part of me thinks that's why he is able to do what he is doing, because he "knows" I am waiting for him. But I am not "waiting." Not anymore. What I am doing is healing and growing stronger. I have changed into someone who is so far removed from the person I once was. I may have even changed too much to even reconcile with my WH. But my true test is this.

I ask myself, "If WH came home today and agreed to everything that I ask of him and he truly changed, would I take him back?" If my answer is anything other than, "No," than I continue in Plan B. Sometimes, I even say that my WH is lucky I am in Plan B, because when I find out stupid things he has done(through my kiddos unfortunately), my taker is SCREAMING to come out.

I would suggest that you Plan B, if you really feel like your LB is about empty. It would be best for you. Because Plan B would be about giving YOU a chance more than your WH.

Indie Im so sorry your hurting like this, to be able to remember his good sides when you are so cross with him says a lot about what kind of person you are and I almost feel sorry for him that he's so fudged up that he is risking loosing you.

Either plan A or plan B can be taken into consideration in your current situation, just take time to organise yourself and get a good understanding of what either require. In order for any of the two plans to be effective they have to be done well and following certain rules.

Take care of yourself and try to get some sleep as I can imagine you must be drained. ((((hugs)))