Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2520434 06/16/11 03:06 PM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
Everything is much better in my relationship with my wife since I found out about the affair, but I still don't believe her when she tells me she didn't have sex with the OM. She claims he only performed oral sex, but I think that is complete BS. If you're that far into an affair how do you stop there. My question is, when is a good time to bring up her taking a polygraph? I hate to do it, 1. cause its expensive and we don't have a lot of money; 2. I don't want to ruin our progression. What do I do?


WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
INT-PAIN,

If WW has been truthful she will welcome the opportunity to clear her name.

If WW is not being 100% truthful you will never recover.

Schedule the test you can always cancel and just the possibility will likely get her to spill her guts.

God Bless
Gamma

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by INT_PAIN
Everything is much better in my relationship with my wife since I found out about the affair, but I still don't believe her when she tells me she didn't have sex with the OM. She claims he only performed oral sex, but I think that is complete BS. If you're that far into an affair how do you stop there. My question is, when is a good time to bring up her taking a polygraph? I hate to do it, 1. cause its expensive and we don't have a lot of money; 2. I don't want to ruin our progression. What do I do?
\

The sooner the better because when you find out the truth you will be put back to day 1 of recovery. It will be like D-Day #2 but you have to do this to give yourself peace of mind and move forward. You won't ruin your progression, you will clear the air and take a step towards establishing truth. The best way to do it is to make an appointment with a tester and then tell your wife 2 days before the test. Hand her a list of questions and tell her she has one last chance to come clean by answering these questions before the polygraph. And when/if she does confess, don't give into the temptation to cancel the polygraph test.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
INT-PAIN,

Just a thought suggest to the OM's wife that she makes OM get a polygraph.

It will be money well spent, I wish I had done so 20+ years back with OM2, my W's lack of truthfulness for all those years made our marriage less than it could have been because of the burden of guilt she carried.

God Bless
Gamma

Last edited by Gamma; 06/16/11 04:13 PM.
Gamma #2520497 06/16/11 04:44 PM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
Fortunately, he is not married, so he hasn't destroyed more than one marriage. Unfortunately, he has had no repercussions for his actions which pisses me off.


WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
Is there any way to recover deleted text messages from 3 months ago? I think this would give me the information I needed. How far back can a SIM card reader go?


WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by INTERNAL_PAIN
Is there any way to recover deleted text messages from 3 months ago? I think this would give me the information I needed. How far back can a SIM card reader go?
\

INT, I don't know, but you might want to call Brickhouse Security and see if they have something that will do that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 67
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by INTERNAL_PAIN
Is there any way to recover deleted text messages from 3 months ago? I think this would give me the information I needed. How far back can a SIM card reader go?


What type of phone?

Personally, I wouldn't trust a polygraph anymore than a WS.


BH (Me)-30
FWW (BostonLover)-29
Married 7/2004
D-Day 14&16 Feb, 2011
Starting Recovery
nelsonak #2521078 06/18/11 11:24 AM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
motorola devour


WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
I
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
ok, I scheduld polygraph today. Appt is 3 weeks out, but I feel a sense of relief.


WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 76
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 76
IP, I'm glad you're guys are getting it done. My FWH just had it done last week (here's the link in SAA and I posted on Polygraph Testing too. I waited almost two years getting it done. I wished I had it done earlier.

I didn't believe anything that my H said to me, even from the beginning of our relationship. It was a HUGE relief to FINALLY know the truth and know we are in recovery without reservations.


Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 120 guests, and 54 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
cbm800, Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P.
71,728 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,546
Posts2,322,791
Members71,729
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5