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I can do this. Thank you. :o) I think you're going to be good at this. You don't need to know the answer right now. But, think about when the most strategic time to end Plan A might be. I doubt you could stomach 4 weeks. What are your thoughts?
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Right now it's easy because he's not in an active relationship with her and being nice. Now if that were to change and started being mean again, I'd probably have to call it quits. To know that I am not wasting my time helps a great deal. I've just figured, what's the point. I'm not chasing after a man that doesn't want me. I deserve more than that. But if this really can help to save my marriage and bring back the man I love, then I'm all for it.
I just don't know how many opportunities I will have to plan A him. There were times we would go from one visitation from the other not speaking, and like I've said tomorrow will be the first time I've spent time with him since he left. I don't know how many of these opportunities I will have. Should I be pushing myself on him? I mean won't I come across as desperate?
BW Me 31
WH 30
Married 2002
Children: DS 11, DS 8, DD 2
DD 01/07/11
I Filed Divorce 2 weeks later to protect myself and children.
In Plan B since 06/26/11.
Recovery began 07/23/11.
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Should I be pushing myself on him? I mean won't I come across as desperate? Hell no, do not push yourself on him. You never react with negativity if he refuses an invitation. "OK. Perhaps next time." Invite him for Family suppers/events. He either accepts or not. The invitation is still Plan A. If he does not accept the invitation, text a photo of the kids & you having fun. "Wish you could have seen this."He probably likes admiration & compliments. Take the next opportunity to do this. I KNOW it's difficult. I know he does not deserve this, but Plan A is a strategic decision, not based on what the Toad deserves. Right? 
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Should I be pushing myself on him? I mean won't I come across as desperate? Hell no, do not push yourself on him. LOL!! Okay thank you.
BW Me 31
WH 30
Married 2002
Children: DS 11, DS 8, DD 2
DD 01/07/11
I Filed Divorce 2 weeks later to protect myself and children.
In Plan B since 06/26/11.
Recovery began 07/23/11.
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One of the ENs that only YOU can meet (and not the OW) is Family Commitment.
Play this to the hilt.
Are you living in the US?
What would your family normally do on the 4th of July?
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Read Indygirls thread. She's about to do the final days of Plan A before launching Plan B. *** LINK ***
Last edited by Pepperband; 06/18/11 08:57 PM.
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dmh, you have an excellent coach in Plan A in Pep. I followed her advice and I am happily in Plan B, today marks 18months. They ALL want the fantasy D and it is so sickening. You are worth much more than that, and you will be showing him that by your actions.
Please, have an end date in mind for Plan B, as it will help you in your darkest hours of Plan A. Don't make it too far off, as it may drain too much of your LB and you won't even care if he wants to come home, you will be D.O.N.E.
Great job. Keep moving forward and you will know that you are doing the right thing.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Thanks Scotty.
I was hoping you'd stop by this thread.
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Yes, we live in the US. We normally have a cookout and then go to fireworks. So you are saying I should invite him? I can do that.
I'm so glad to finally realize that I DO have something she can't meet.
Thank you so much for the link.
BW Me 31
WH 30
Married 2002
Children: DS 11, DS 8, DD 2
DD 01/07/11
I Filed Divorce 2 weeks later to protect myself and children.
In Plan B since 06/26/11.
Recovery began 07/23/11.
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you won't even care if he wants to come home, you will be D.O.N.E. I've already been here. Until I saw glimmers of my husband still in there and then I just happened upon this website and realized he really could be the man I thought he was. I believed all the fog lies he told.
BW Me 31
WH 30
Married 2002
Children: DS 11, DS 8, DD 2
DD 01/07/11
I Filed Divorce 2 weeks later to protect myself and children.
In Plan B since 06/26/11.
Recovery began 07/23/11.
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So you are saying I should invite him? I can do that. If you can last that long. I wouldn't go too much longer after that. But, the timing is entirely up to you.
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you won't even care if he wants to come home, you will be D.O.N.E. I've already been here. Until I saw glimmers of my husband still in there and then I just happened upon this website and realized he really could be the man I thought he was. I believed all the fog lies he told. Oh, you may have thought you were there, but you weren't. It gets WORSE than those feelings. I wonder if Pep was thinking that you would go into Plan B on July 4th or July 5th. There is a method to the madness. Pep?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Worse?! Wow. :o( I've been in such a fog myself and numb....so numb for 5 months. I've felt a lot of anger, and I've cried. But I've pushed away a lot of the hurt feelings I have had. It's almost hard to remember all the hurtful things he's done. I will have to go over old emails to my BFF.
Last edited by dmh; 06/18/11 09:35 PM.
BW Me 31
WH 30
Married 2002
Children: DS 11, DS 8, DD 2
DD 01/07/11
I Filed Divorce 2 weeks later to protect myself and children.
In Plan B since 06/26/11.
Recovery began 07/23/11.
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It won't help your Plan A mindset to go over those past things he has done. Don't worry, your Taker will remind you soon enough. What you do need to do is take care of yourself. Are you sleeping, eating, exercise?
Have you prepared yourself for tomorrow and the picnic? You still going right? You will look smoking hot. Maybe even read Schoolbus's body language thread and try to use some of it.
You CAN do this.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Just thinking about the letter I'm supposed to write addressing those feelings.
Yes, we're still going. Helped the kids bake a homemade chocolate cake with peanut butter icing (his favorite). Do you have a quick link to that thread? If not I'll search.
BW Me 31
WH 30
Married 2002
Children: DS 11, DS 8, DD 2
DD 01/07/11
I Filed Divorce 2 weeks later to protect myself and children.
In Plan B since 06/26/11.
Recovery began 07/23/11.
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I wonder if Pep was thinking that you would go into Plan B on July 4th or July 5th. There is a method to the madness. Pep? Yeah. You know me. Looking for an angle. I wonder what would be best for the kids tho.
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Yeah, I'm worried about my kids too. I'm afraid if I spend too much time with him they are going to get their hopes up. They've had their hearts broken just as much as me.
BW Me 31
WH 30
Married 2002
Children: DS 11, DS 8, DD 2
DD 01/07/11
I Filed Divorce 2 weeks later to protect myself and children.
In Plan B since 06/26/11.
Recovery began 07/23/11.
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Posts: 35,996
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I know. I'm thinking about that too.
But, some of your Plan A can be out of their sight.
Like text messages or sending him photos.
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Do you think I should text him anything right now? (it's midnight here) Like about looking forward to tomorrow. It's so out of the norm for how I've acted though. I'm not sure if it's a good move or not.
Found the body language thread.
BW Me 31
WH 30
Married 2002
Children: DS 11, DS 8, DD 2
DD 01/07/11
I Filed Divorce 2 weeks later to protect myself and children.
In Plan B since 06/26/11.
Recovery began 07/23/11.
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