You haven't been consistent because you have been on that emotional roller coaster. That's why it is important to have a PLAN.

Okay, since you are at a Plan F/U moment right now(totally understandable), I will try a different question. Can you positively 100% certain tell me that you will NEVER want to take your WH back?

Today yes, tomorrow perhaps no.

Ok , I get it.

Though I may want plan B to fail tonight - and it therefore seems odd to commit to doing it, its just to protect me from my future self.

I'll get back on the pony tomorrow.

Plqn B won't fail. Plan B is about getting YOU recovered. As long as you follow it, you won't fail. I guarantee it.

Your Taker is letting loose. That's okay, just remember that we are all made of a giver and a taker. You can't live in either one only for very long before the other one wants a turn. Roller coaster ride that we ALL wanted a refund for.

Yes scotty, your Kung foo is strong.

Listen to her Indie, plan B will help you so much. It will heal you and help you with those ghosts you talked about earlier.

As far as the door to door thing, most people will see that for what it is. Bull.

Like scotty said, its totally understandable you want to do plan F/U, but I think from what I hear from you it will serve you well in the future if you go out doing everything suggested here.

One day, when I asked a fellow worker, what he would do if his wife was acting like a fool, embarassing him, disrespecting him, would he give her a divorce willingly? He said, "I wouldn't give her the satisfaction"

After thinking about it I realized thats what they count on, that you will get so upset that you will pull the trigger, and be the bad guy.

If you REALLY want to make him pay, go out with your head held high, and his stupidity and dishonor showing to have taken complete control of him.

Either way plan B works FOR YOU, let him pull the trigger, or give him enough rope to hang himself, but don't plan F/U just yet. In the end and for the rest of his life, he will be forced to respect that you had the nuts he did not, and gave him a chance to man up. Maybe he will man up also, and you can see him straighten out enough to admit he was wrong and appoligize. Either way, you do not have to reconcile, but you can be in the position of control when he sees you are a fighter and not giving up that easy. Life is full of conflict, it how we handle it that defines us. Go down swinging Indie.

Listen to Scotty, she knows of what she speaks

Indie, a few months ago, I was ready to do a full on Plan F/U. I was talking to my friends at my boxing class when my trainer said, "Scotty, you're better than that." It hit me right in the gut, cuz he was right, I AM better than that. And, I am happy that I stayed in Plan B. It was just that my LB had taken a HUGE hit(funny, I can't even remember what it was about now, huh). My Taker wanted to hit back. I am glad I listened to my PT. He was right.

So, again, I will ask, are you taking care of yourself? We keep asking you this because it is important. It helps keep your Taker at bay. What do you do to release your anger and frustration? That will help too.

Just sent the remember when email. It actually felt pretty good.
Now I need to get prepared for Plan B

Get his stuff out of here

Change my numbers

Block his email, FB account

Switch bills so I am paying

Sort out IM.

Scotty did you get my email address?

Not yet. Did you notify Mods?

I notified for them to send you mine

Yes, I notified them as soon as you offered! Doing it again now

Well done indie I know you can do this.

Are you still planning to meet him for coffee?

As for looking after myself. hmm.

I sleep, I eat, I tell people when I need hugs, I go out and have fun, Im going to start doing an art class, looking into taking a one year postgrad degree course that could be ace for my career, which wanted to do for long time

Even considering travelling, a major ambition of mine.

I need the rest of his stuff out etc though before I feel I really am taking care of myself.

Do I release anger? I haven't even seen a sign of anger yet, which in itself is pretty sad.

The coffee thing? Yes I can do that blindfold. Its part of work-me, I have a great pokerface
Ill call him and ask tomorrow

I totally agree !! Don't let him off that easy.

Indie, your thread is really bringing it all back to me. That wave of emotions that would just hit me from nowhere. The back and forth from wanting nothing to do with him one second and then back to wanting my life back the next second. It was an endless cycle. At one point, I thought I was going to have to check in at the psych ward down the street (seriously).

Finally, I made the decision NOT to make a decision. I decided that whenever I started thinking about what I wanted, I would choose not to decide. Because lets face it... I really had no idea what I wanted at that point.

I gave myself a deadline ... one year. THEN I would decide.

During that one year, I cleaned up my side of the street and gave H the opportunity to clean up his.

This is the beauty of plan B, it leaves the door open while at the same time helping you become a stronger well adjusted person. YOU come out of it with your own self respect.

This is what helped me Indie ... deciding not to decide right now.

Hugs.

Is a timecale something to decide now?

Scotland went for two years, Pokerface chose one.

At this point I am considering six months, but realise it is very early days.

Indie,

That was just the timeframe that popped into my head and seemed reasonable to me personally. It was the point where I was going to revisit where things were... But I found that it gave me focus and made me feel more in control having something to work toward.

Pick a time that you feel is reasonable for you and your own circumstances.

Six months then.

He emailed me back

GROANNNN - I messed up, should really beware of cut and paste,
Oh well, I can recover that one.

Here's his reply anyway:

"I can't really understand the logic in this, it's quite a friendly email yet my name ( & in my eyes, more importantly others) have been dragged through the mud - quite publicly on a day that it shouldnt have.

I hate having to be a part of this whole scenario full stop, more so that I've had to resort to messaging on facebook or replying to emails (that frankly confuse me). Or having to deal with your sis who doesnt need it considering how ill she's been.

In hindsight I could have done things differently, but I've done nothing in a 'cruel' manner - despite however angry I may have been or felt, it's not my nature.

I'll say I 'remember when' we got on, the fact we dont as well as we did through growing apart or whatever is OUR issue, no one elses.

When I (& even yourself) calm down we have things to discuss, like what happens to the house an bills etc, as I can't afford to pay bills for two places. I've had enough. It's too late for me to sort out July so that's fair enough. It will be the last month I pay anything asides from my half of the mortgage - I don't live at home now, so why should I be paying as if I am.

Apologies if seeming blunt but to want to 'check in' surprises me, as I've either done what you've said - so question why would you want to check in?
Or I'm not having the affair and you're in a hell of hole that cant be dug out of. Either way it simply doesnt make sense as to why you'd want to 'check in' - not to me anyway.

I can't understand..... what exactly is the purpose of this, in fact dont answer it as I have no concern of the actual answer. Yeah while there have been many good times - simple fact is unfortunately they're past tense."


Hehe

So he's 'frankly confused' Must be uncomforatable having that boot on the other foot. I remember the feeling well.

WHATEVER YOU DO - DO NOT RESPOND TO HIS EMAIL.

he is trying to ruin the email you sent him and thats typical too, if it didnt get to him then he wouldnt be fighting it the way he is. As tempting as it may be do not respond to his email. just carry on with your plan and maybe add a little extra bit to the next remember when email saying "Im remembering because i care" or something more profound that the more gifted people on here can help you with.

Well done again Indie.

Cheers. Sorting out bills at the mo. Just got one set up so I start paying from the exact date he moved out. No reason I cant do same with rest. One account has just told me I need his password for account which is a pain

you may have gotten this info yet, but google IE Pass Revealer, also known as Internet Explorer Password Finder. then hide it in a folder- unzip and run. you will have all of the internet explorer passwords that were on the computer- if thats the primary browser you use

Indie, got your email. I'll be responding in a bit.

Oh well, you goofed a bit with that "remember when" line. Again, a little jealous over here. My WH didn't even mention the emails or texts at all. It was like they didn't even happen. I still did them though, cuz it was MY plan.

Getting your finances and everything figured out is good for you. Keep it up.

As far as the timing for Plan B. The main reason that I said at least 2 years is only because that is what DrH suggests. That is because MOST affairs die a natural death within 2 years of exposure. I understand that you want to get your life moving forward because you really want to have children. I already have all of the children I want, so I can afford to wait longer, I get that. It is going to be a choice that is yours to make alone. Maybe instead of saying that your limit is 6 months, you can say that you will reevaluate at 6 months and see where you want to go. K? Sending email soon.

Im sure I will reevaluate, seems sensible.