Hi I am a new member and I am not sure where I belong. I was in a relationship with my ex-husband as of March, 2011. We were divorced in 2005 after almost 7 years of marriage and we started dating again in 2008 (the same year he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant- maybe goodbye sex). Anyway I did not run for the hills, he begged me to stick by him and we would work it out which I did. Now almost 3 years later in March, 2011 of this year he tells me that he wants to find "himself" at 45 years old but he still wants to be friends. By the way he asked me to give him some time to figure out what he wants to do. Well he has called me everyday since, sometimes 2-3 times a day and we have only went out once since March, 2011. This weekend he has disappeared and I have not heard from him. I feel very hurt and that I am really being played. If someone can point me in the right direction that would be great. Thanks

Okay, to recap the situation:

You broke up with your husband because the relationship was broken.

You started dating him again in 2008 even though he was having a child with another woman at the time.

You dated this man for three whole years even though there was no commitment. (Was this "dating" really just a series of booty calls?)

He stopped dating you in March and started treating you as a "buddy" with lots of phone calls but no face time.

This weekend he stopped calling.



(((BreakingFree))) I'm very sorry. This guy has been using you. He's been keeping you on a string while he looked for someone "better" than you. He thinks he's found "the one" so he's dumped you.

You made the right decision in 2005 when you divorced him.

I'd strongly suggest that you go completely no contact with this loser. Then find a counselor to help you figure out better ways to interact with men.

Do you have any children together?

Kirby pretty much nailed the important points.
Please, stop allowing yourself to be used by this man.

Agree with Kirby, BF, there is nothing here that should interest you. Your XH has said he only wants to be your "friend" and is not willing to meet your needs or to do the things neccessary to create a romantic relationship. He did you a favor with his honesty.

I would set the bar high and not waste your time with some man who doesn't do a GREAT JOB of meeting your needs. Be picky and choosy and don't settle for nothing. There is nothing here.

In this situation, I would tell him to buzz off and not to contact you again. He has caused you alot of pain and hurt and has only wasted your time.

Hi BreakingFree,

I think you picked the perfect screenname for yourself. Maybe you just needed to hear us say it.

I'm very sorry you were hurt. Sometimes that's what it takes to propel us forward.

My advice mimicks the others who have already replied. I would add though to spend some time figuring out what your emotional needs are, and meeting them for yourself. Figure out what your boundaries are, and protect them. Ask yourself why you stayed with someone who showed you little respect, and then have enough respect for yourself to not allow those people close to you.

Btw....I'm working on those thing myself.

{{{Hugs}}}