Yup, Like scotty said
Scotty your so polite!! Your words and wisdom are never a T/J

I didn't know that the Plan B letter would have MB mentioned. If it did, I would worry more that WH found it, not OW. The thread could always be yanked if needs arose.

MB, I help whenever I can. There is not much I know about recovery, and I try to do the best with what others have written and what I have read through DrH. I just don't KNOW the marital recovery aspect. There are things I know about Plan A, and Plan B. Not that I am an expert, but I will help whenever I can. Thank you for your help with Indie as well.


I hope you are getting some well deserved sleep Indie.

IMVHO, It's OKAY to Plan F/U an OP.

Look at you all supporting me while I sleep!!

So I plan to send him a remember when email today.
I will start preparing for plan b too. get rid of the few things he's left, sort finances, sort IM arrangements.

Tomorrow he is apparently going somewhere with her and the kids to release balloons or something for DFs birthday and fathers day. No comment....

wednesday ill ask him to meet for coffee

thursday another remember when email.

friday ill send the plan b letter, as long as i have managed to ge everything in place for plan b

Ill cc her too - it will turn her crazed.

Now THAT is a PLAN.

Sounds good to me. If he accepts your invite, we will support you in that as well. Have you read Schoolbus's body language thread? You should be able to use some of those strategies if you get a chance for a fave to face before Plan B.

Taking care of yourself?

Had a pretty bad afternoon. Cleared out the last of his stuff, put brand new bedding on the bed. Felt I was clearing him out of our bed. Couldnt breathe. Found a tee shirt of his with his smell still on it. made me feel sick

Found out today a young cousin of mine had seen them holding hands while shopping few weeks ago. Poor kid hadnt known what to make of it.

Found a diary of mine in which I describe his distant, maddening inexplicable behaviour as a problem which is mine to solve. Its dated 2004.

Wondering if he has cheated before.

Very tempted to skip straight to plan FU.

However I am storng enough to do plan B and it is the right thing to do. Plan B is about protecting myself.

It will mean there are no unexorcised ghosts in my past.

It will mean I have set a high bar for him to jump over. The sort of high bar only a racehorse, worthy of me, could jump

Feel pretty sure he never will jump it though because pigs cant jump that high.

indie, you're doing great. You've got excellent advisors here, and, most importantly, you have a PLAN. WSs? They NEVER have a plan. Even if it doesn't feel like it, you're in the driver's seat now.

I second that Mrs V and thats the way to roll Indie,( Can I hear Raiders of the lost ark theme?)

Set that bar high and be that thorughbred.


And this too..Yup Yup

That's the right attitude to enter Plan B.

You stick to your guns.

Know that there may come time during this week that you will worry about if this is the right thing and the fear will try to take over. The fear of the unknown. The fear is not the right way to go. What I did was remind myself that when I was thinking more clearly, Plan B was the right choice. I decided that I needed to just plow forward, and I did. Look at me now.

Hearing that they were seen holding hands sure does make it a lot easier for you to have exposed with a clear head. You know that they were having an affair all along. Without that exposure, your young cousin would have live with that guilt of not having told you.

Funny how you start looking back and seeing other possible times when WH may have had another A. I did it too. I even realized that my WH may have actually been an OM in someone else's M before we got married. All something that my WH will have to deal with.

Raise that bar high, and if you get a chance to recover, let us make sure you stick to that bar.

When it came right down to it, I couldnt send the remember when email.

Plan B, while still do-able strength-wise, isnt appealing today. Perhaps because Im having an emotional day, perhaps because I have run clean out of reasons to care at all about what he does.

I think what it comes down to is he craves affection and understanding from me. And I dont want to give it to him.

Going to take a few weeks to think about my next move. I'm going to decorate the house - do all the things he wouldnt help me with - with my family.

Im going to make my finances independent and see a lawyer about a divorce. Plus find out just what is on my computer.

Then i will be able to make a properly considered move. Plan B is all written up and in my back pocket if I want to use it. I have that control thanks to all of you. Blimey, I have my life thanks to all of you.

Will keep you updated! You know I can't stay away.....

By the by, it appears they have the support of her parents. She has been going door to door, with her mum and sis, rubutting the 'lies' I have told.

Her dad has offered him the use of an empty house he owns. (Though concern for reputations means he hasnt taken this up)
This is somone who my h has a drink with every weekend. When DF died, DFs FiL mentioned this habit they'd had of drinking together before going home for Sunday dinner. My h filled this gap and began a tradition of filling in for him. (but then staying out instead of coming home to eat)

If someone had been drinking with MY dad, while I was grieving and they were trying to get into my pants the whole time, my dad would give the guy a bloody nose, not a free house.

Weirdos.

Indie sorry your having a bad day and you might not like me for what I'm about to say but I can't help butting in here at this point.

It is clear that as you sit here today and read all your diary entries and look over the relationship you had with you WH that you have regrets.
The other clear fact here is that no matter how bad your feeling right now it is linked to the fact that you love your WH dearly (if you dont wouldn't be this painful).

So putting those two elements together I don't want you to waste a valuable opportunity to get your marriage back and have regrets in the future that you didn't do anything to fight for it, I don't want you to read these posts 10 months from now and say "gee I really wish I had done the plan/ email etc, maybe if I had then I would be in better shape now rather than months on and still struggling".

So my advice is that considering you have tons of guts at times and a few moments of wavering, work through those moments and come out the other side. The sooner you get your ducks in a row and start doing something the sooner your suffering will end.

Sorry to kick you while your down but I know your stronger than this.

Her parents wise it appears that dumbness is genetic in that family. God help those poor kids she has.

Most people will see through her lies. Regardless, it doesn't matter if she calls you a liar, the point of exposure was to put as many eyes as possible on OW and WH. I think you accomplished this task very well.

Try not to think about OW and her weird family. Just focus on your plan, which is a very good one!!!

Ok. I just can't start today for some reason. Realise ive been at low points before and bounced back. Having a night in with my mum tonight. Need to regroup my strength.

Well you can always expose more. And is there a way in your country to call the ow into court if it goes that far? I think THAT would stop her from spreading her venomous lies.

Sadly, your wh is knee deep in crap right now with her and she is somehow brainwashing him.

ONE POINT we haven't discussed is this. WHEN you have your face to face coffeeshop meeting with your wh, maybe you should mention to him what NOBODY HAS SAID here before...

If she is bringing out his Knight in Shining Armour thing, why not PRESENT THE TRUTH to him casually. Like "I know you think you're protecting his wife and kids, but seriously..if he were alive WOULD YOUR BFF WANT YOU BONKING HIS WIFE?" HOW DOES THAT EXACTLY HONOR HIS MEMORY?

That should be said if nobody has said that thus far. Maybe it's a disrespectful judgement, but it's the truth and might pull him out of the KISA role he's been playing and pretending.

Indie, it is quite normal to go back and forth like this(although quite frustrating to those of us who are watching you go through this). What I want to remind you is that earlier in this very thread, you were ready to go to a Plan F/U. We helped you see that there is still something there for you.

I want to ask you a question and I want you to be completely honest. If your WH came home TODAY, right now, hat in hands, saying, "Indie, I am so sorry to have hurt you. You are the only one I have ever loved. I want to be with you for LIFE. Will you take me back," would you? If there is even the smallest chance that you WOULD, then Plan B is the way to go.

Just because you enter Plan B, doesn't mean that you NEED to recover your marriage. You can make the choice to give him the heave-ho after a considerable amount of time.

And you know what I see when I see them going door to door? EXPOSURE WORKED. I am so JEALOUS. I wish my exposure worked as well as yours.

If you think that you really can't do much more of a Plan A, I would suggest you get into Plan B sooner rather than later, could you be ready in 48 hours or so? You really need this. Think about it.

ETA(this is what I get for posting while I am cooking)- Also, what happens when you haven't talked to your WH for a few weeks and you really start to miss him and the "what ifs" start? You'll be able to KNOW that you did EVERYTHING that you could.

Dealing with infidelity can be debilitating. Listen to Scotland, indie. Look at her as your guide right now.

[quote=Scotland]I want to ask you a question and I want you to be completely honest. If your WH came home TODAY, right now, hat in hands, saying, "Indie, I am so sorry to have hurt you. You are the only one I have ever loved. I want to be with you for LIFE. Will you take me back," would you? If there is even the smallest chance that you WOULD, then Plan B is the way to go. [quote]

I would tell him to get lost. I just would

This is where I don't know. I've hardly been consistent.