Yesterday I had a therapy session, and afterward, I felt much better. My therapist told me that I needed to be strong and assertive, and I told myself all the way home "I am strong. Be strong. I am assertive. Be assertive."<P>My wife had taken the kids out. I had no idea where she went and was freaking out a little, thinking that she took them over to be with the OM. On a whim, I called her work and she had stopped there so some of her other co-workers could see the kids.<P>When she got home, we put the kids to bed together and sat down to talk. I was assertive without being mean or demanding. She and the OM had stopped seeing each other! She still has feelings for him, but also has feelings for me! She said that she would know what she wanted in six weeks - she needed time from everything to figure out what she wanted. She was kind of strange, saying "I wish you would find someone nice" and "that it would be easier if I cheated too." I told her I didn't want to, that I loved her very much. <P>Basically, we talked for a long time, and I feel more confident than ever that we can work things out! I feel very good today, and I am thanking God for his help in giving me the strength to be strong and assertive, yet not mean and accusing!

From her comments, it sounds like she would like it if you did something that would justify her behavior....don't fall for it.<P>------------------<BR>

Joe....so glad things are looking up. It sounds to me like she is feeling tremendous guilt and by you having an affair she could feel aleviated of some of that guilt. Keep working at it.<P>------------------<BR>Joan <P>"Turn your wounds into wisdom..." That really cool black gal who was on Oprah all summer.<BR>

In what I've read, I think you guys hit the nail on the head - she is feeling guilt. I don't want to make her feel guilty, but I do want her to think about what she may be giving up and to deal with the situation, which is what I think is beginning to happen! Thanks so much for your well wishes and support! It's still going to be rough for a while, because I still don't know what she wants, and neither does she. Even after that, trying to rebuild will be tough too.

Joe John, my h. said the same things to me for months "I don't deserve you, you need to find someone who can be a good Christian husband...Haven't you met anyone else that you'd rather be with..<P>After he confessed, he admitted to treating me horribly and encouraging me to find someone else so that he would'nt look so bad to our kids and his family when he left me for her. Surprise! She showed herself to be a slut and a user and he would have been left with nothing--His family was so disgusted that several of his brothers offered me money to re-locate near the rest of my in-laws for moral support. Now that we are making progress, they call him and encourage him in his 'right choice'. But step one was asserting what I would and wouldn't put up with. Love Must Be Tough!<P>Hang in there, I'll watch your story closely and keep praying for you.<P>LIZ<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>

JJ, Things are sounding pretty good for you. There seems to be a sense of joy in your post. I'm happy for you. I'll be thinking of you. Good Luck !!<P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>

Joe...guilt is good, it is good...it's the beginning of remorse. <P>Keep us posted!<P>------------------<BR>Joan <P>"Turn your wounds into wisdom..." That really cool black gal who was on Oprah all summer.<BR>