I'm seeing a lawyer next week to talk about a post nuptial agreement.

Long story short: BS cheated on me with one woman and proposition another. BS cheated twice on his first wife. So there is a history/pattern. Affair has been killed. We are nearing recovery stage, working hard on LDs, EPs, ENs, UA time. However, a post nuptial seems, to me, a giant precaution/protection that BS can give me, particularly because I went part-time because my work schedule impacted our UA. We both agreed I needed to do it for our marriage.

I WILL divorce BS if he cheats again. And unless I'm able to find another full time job at similar pay/benefits, I will need support should we divorce. BS is -- finally, after waiving a bit -- supportive of a post nuptial. He sees it as "just compensation" for his affair and a guarantee to me -- his sweet pea -- should he choose to be a [censored] again.

Question: Would a post-nuptial agreement be BETTER for me than divorce proceedings in a no-fault state. (For instance, BS's ex-wife currently gets family support, but I think that's primarily because of the children.) I want to make sure my financial/career sacrifice for this marriage is recognized.

If no one has an answer to this question, I'll post what the attorney says after our meeting next week. Gulp! $250, just to chat about my case.

Yes, because IF HE EVER BECOMES WAYWARD AGAIN, you will NOT BE dealing with a man in his right mind able to make less than 100 percent selfish decisions.

thus, you get a sweet post-nup drawn up to help insure YOU don't go poor or hungry.

However, be glad that his xw has family support, because she needs it to raise kids. SHE DOES period.

Also, one quick question, am unsure of your situation. Were either of you married when you met?

A post nup would be part of divorce proceedings, not a replacement for one.

Go for it girl.

If it were me, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

tx peachyisback and reading for your comments.

@peachy: neither of us were married when we met. BS had divorced first wife. Both were cheating on each other, which led to their divorce. We started met/started dating about a year after his divorce. I have NO problem with XW's family support. I love my stepsons, and they have graciously let me into their lives. They are the only kids I'll ever have in my life, and I'm grateful for them. And for a vast majority of the time, we all parent pretty well together. In fact, we sometimes laugh at how well we communicate and how much less the boys get away with because of it. My story, previously posted, was about my concern that my husband could possibly be a sex addict. I'll post a link to my previous thread, if you'd like.

@reading: from what I know, a post nuptial agreement is like a pre nuptial agreement, except that a post nuptial is written AFTER marriage in case of divorce. It's a relatively new slice of the law.

I know it is written after marriage but it is not in place of divorce. It is just a legal agreement of how things will fall property/financially if a divorce happens.
Meaning it isn't one thing (post nup or divorce) or another.
If you do get a divorce, it shows what was previously agreed to should one ever occur.
There would still be a settling of property and assets. The post nup would be helpful to protect you when that happens.

So.

Do it.

Reading and Peachy:

Had my consultation with the lawyer yesterday. Her advice is that a post-nuptial agreement would not be in my best interest, given my primary goals: being able to live comfortably and to have health insurance, which I had to give up when I went from full- to part-time in agreement with my husband to help safeguard our marriage. If I signed an agreement now, not knowing how our careers play out, I could be signing a document that would limit my options significantly should I choose divorce.

I feel very solid about her perspective.

My husband and I had lunch after I met the lawyer, and we actually celebrated not having to draft a road map to a divorce that neither of us wants. He was totally willing to get one if I felt it necessary. I'm actually glad that it's not.

And today I graduated from individual counseling, because my therapist said I've reached my goals ... that I've regained self-confidence, have learned that my needs matter, my eye is on the future, my marriage is on track and I'm not obsessing about the affair very much.

As I wrote to a friend: I know I'll still have bad days, and I know we have a long road ahead of us in terms of EPs and meeting each other's needs. But right now -- how close we are, the honesty, the time together -- this is the marriage I signed up for. This is the man I know I fell in love with.

I am totally equipped to keep up my end of the bargain. And I believe my husband is, too.

It's a beautiful sunny day here, and I feel the same warmth and glow inside, too. Life is good today.

So, thanks again to all of you vets who put in the time to give advice. I didn't post much, but I read, and read, and read, and read. Marriage Builders helped me remember that I deserve a husband who truly lives his vows. And if not ... buh-bye.

Cheers!