For now, I will back off the August trip. My only evidence is my gut.

However I will ramp up my spying between now and then. Once I have real evidence, I will drop the hammer. Hard.

mobistealth for the blackberry it takes about 5 minutes. - it also has GPS on it.

put iepassview on your home computer to see if she has any other email accounts.- free

does she access her work email from home? keylogger, with screenshots

The best thing u can do is super snoop with tools. Plan A part of No love busting and meeting her needs. Prepare for the worst and the exposure process of a one fail swoop exposure campaign. Nuclear war exposure if its proven a EA?PA? or nothing? At least your prepared to fight the fight on all the fields.

Thanks chickadee

My guess is a second, "secret" phone.

Go with the GPS and VAR.

Remember if you find anything out don't confront her come back here and work on putting a plan together to save your marriage.....
Good luck

go- thank you for being honest as you always have--- from another point of view which makes this site complete, your perspective is invaluable. i do appreciate your posts, ,,,,
fred- i agree- but i hope there is no other phone....

not so sure= listen.. follow the steps, to the tee. promise, sounds worse now, but they will help you in the end either way

Hows the plan coming together???

Thanks for posting GloveOil. Until posting here yesterday, i felt I was going crazy. Just talking about it to some internet strangers has made me feel a lot better. I have a plan. I will be ok.

I got VAR. I didn't have access to car last night, but I will install it tonight. Key logger set up on home PC. I am looking into GPS. My wife takes care of the finances so it will take some time to hide some funds. Just to be clear though, I have access to our finances, but she tends to watch them like a hawk.

I also talked to her. I just said sorry for being jealous. I let her know that I love her and support her. Just kinda left it at that. I wasn't sure what her response was going to be. She was really happy and said that I was stressing her out. She joked about it a little and then we just dropped it.

Other than that, I'm just busy trying to meet her emotional needs. I've been reading the 5 love languages. So far so good. I will keep at it and report back.

Good deal your ahead of the curve. Now a few other ideas for your sitch. Can you sell something she wont know about or pawn it? Borrow money from someone trusted that you can confide in? Money should not be made an issue here as piece of mind is worth much more than money. And its often said here that its cheaper than a D.
One more snoop suggestion. Semen detection kits are pretty cheap. It means you have to abstain from sex with her, but it is a sure fire way to get a better piece of mind. I used 20 tests and found them to be very accurate. I tested of course after we were together then I abstained for a week or more.
Lastly I am assuming you have been suspicious for a few months. You have already somewhat alarmed her. This may have altered a course she was traveling and snapped her back into reality or drove a EA/PA underground. The problem being is we dont know what it is that caused the "state of withdrawal" In your M. Your main job now is to be "James Bond". Super cool, suave and debonair. Looks good, smell good, taste good and be slick. Cool and calculated. From your emotional state of description about your self I also think you need to see your MD about anti-anxiety. It will help you be that James Bond.
Do not take my advice to make you be super anxious. I prefer innocent until proven guilty. I hope for your family's sake its just a "Marital State of Withdrawal" from the lack of EN's being met by both spouses. So lets assume that till the tools prove otherwise.

Something else I wanted to add but my original post was getting a bit long. This happened last weekend before I started posting. Normally I wouldn't have thought twice about it, but the last few months I have been analyzing everything out of her mouth.

We were watching Beverly Hills Cop with her sister. We started joking about how bad the name Axel is. So she jokingly said that we should name our next child Axel. She said that we could call him Axel, OM's last name our last name. Obviously it was said in jest, but why would she say his name? I think it was more of a Freudian slip than anything else...

This really, really pissed me off. I mean WTF?

I'm trying not to LB and I know that she has denied every allegation so I ignored it. I don't know if she even realized what she said when she said it.

Any recommendations on how to deal with this type of thing? For now, I am mentally noting everything, but I'm not commenting. Should I call her out?

Thanks everyone for your help!

I had a small notebook and i wrote everything thats was bugging me or i had questions about in the book. then after my final d day i pulled everthing from the book that i still needed answers on and gave it to him. some oth the things didnt matter anymore, there were much bigger fish to fry-

it may help keep you in check while you are working on your info finding.

If you call her out, she may begin to catch on to what you are up to. i would hold off.

Bond, James Bond. Nope let it lie. No alarms whatsoever. Dont tip your cards as we are stacking the deck. Its counter productive. I agree maybe write them down and get there later.
Our goal is simple at this stage. We must first know what or whom we are fighting to stack the deck accordingly.
Say it with me...Bond, James Bond. Mentally place yourself in his character. Store your intel till it needs to be used.
That does seem to be a weird comment. It leads to believe he may not be the target or problem here. Shes known him 10 years right? Usually a A would surface between 2 "friends" well before that length of time. But not always. Her being bold enough to say this is a curve ball sorta. If she was trying to deflect attention she certainly wouldn't bring him up. Especially in a sarcastic comment as this was. My FWW avoids any mention of OM and is meticulous to not throw me a trigger.
But either/or the snooping will reveal. Can you do the semen kits?

Hmmm... Interesting take Hils. I will keep my eyes/ears open just in case OM is not who I think it is.

I'll bite my lip and continue on in Plan A. Thanks for all of your input!

You have been getting some really good advice.

Do you know anything about OM? Do you know his parent's contact info? Is he married? If so, do you have his wife's contact info? Does he have FB? Copy his friend's list into a word document. Do you have the contact info you would need for their workplace.

Does she go out for lunch? Could you have someone sit outside their workplace and watch her, with a camera of course?

As far as the money, you could just get cash back when you shop. If she finds out, you could say, "I was trying to surprise you." Yea, surprise you by checking up on you.

My WH is having an A with a woman he works with. Their affair took place mostly during work hours. I didn't know it, but he was leaving early and hanging out with her. Do you have access to her pay stubs?

Do you travel for your job? If you do, you should look at correcting this, if not, you could tell her that you don't want to spend any nights apart. Even if she isn't in an affair now, she could be soon. Spending nights apart from each other is one of the things that increases your chances of your psouse having an affair.

NSSISC,

You're doing the right thing and the gut is often not wrong. This trip she's going on is a huge red flag.

Find out if she's really going where she says she's going.

My father would tell my mom he had medical conferences to go to and it turned out he was taking vacations with OW.

She trusted and didn't doubt until stumbling upon a receipt one day.

Your VAR will likely reveal a lot. You can do some snooping on your own as well, which might save you some bucks.

Another option is to ask a friend to check on some things for you. Pick someone she doesn't know. I had a squadronmate who was willing to go to a club where my WW was going and tell me what she was up to.

Some people might enjoy the spy aspects of this.

Or, if you have the funds, hire a PI.

Well crud. I missed a good opportunity today. She went to lunch but said it was with her girl friend. VAR is getting set up tonight.

does she travel thru tolls for work? EZPass was my jackpot!

I had every time he went to OW1 and time and duration. it was horrible, but couldnt deny it.