Lol I love it.."Thee" bartender.. was it like thee olde Pub? Was she a like a "Beer wench"?

But seriuosly, I know its small compensation, when you are still in love with XW.

But that will change in time, and you will know that you are really much more than you feel like now, and you can move on like you had freakin amneisia. "XW who?, Oh yeah geez wasn't even thinkin about it, but yeah I was married once, I was a buyer, she was a renter. What does that mean? well let me tell you about it."

You rock my friend, hang in there, it will get better.

This is an awesome response. But, she is cognizent enough to understand that this is her choice, and not mine. And she understands better than she leads on, what that choice brings about; even though she still is unable to fully accept it. Hell, I told her 6 days ago that this still isn't what I want. I think the part she isn't handling so well, is that I'm not just bending over backwards to ensure her happiness, like I used to. Oh well.

And yes, as is always the case, DS is the one who REALLY "loses" in all of this. But, I will not let him; no; I will not let US sit idly by and be used and abused when it's convienent. Nor will I let US sit and rot because of her choices. We will accept the situation, we will do all that we can (which does not extend beyond ourselves), and we will make the absolute best of it all. My son's experience growing up divorced will not be like mine. Not that I hate or resent my parents; they did the best that they could do.

/end inspirational rant.

LOL. The "thee" is b/c of my 'e' on my keyboard on the netbook. It likes to double tap, and I missed the editing. It does make for a nice "flare" though right?

Thats the way ya do it Itsa

Oh I figured it was mistype or the couple beerz, but I could help it..

Oops I meant coundn't

Here in Kentucky, that is known as "bifurcation". Either party to a dissolution of marriage may motion the court to "bifurcate" the divorce - meaning that a divorce can be granted without the property division being settled. This is useful where one of the parties wants to re-marry quickly, or for other reasons.

Typically, though, it is rare for a Judge to grant a motion to bifurcate unless there are some kind of extreme circumstances that would make sense to him, or if the attorney is good at convincing the Judge it is necessary. The reason that judges here rarely will grant a bifurcation, is that there is then no real motivation for the divorcing parties to get the division of property settled quickly. It could drag on for years. Hence, a judge's usual dismissing of the motion.

Bifurcations are used (and granted) mostly whenever the marital estate is so complex and large that it would take years to unravel and settle all the issues. The argument there is that a person's life is in limbo for longer than necessary, and can't move on. But usually that's the only case.

hcii,

It's amazing how different each state does things. Here divorce, prop div, and custody are 3 seperate entities. Custody is determined seperate of D and PD (but as you can read, PD can affect the custody). PD begins once the D is finalized. It is not part of the D.

Honestly, I don't have a problem with how it's set up in this state. The system has it's advantages. But, it is clearly written for proceedings between 2 responsible adults, or allows for the irresponsibility of 1 or both parties to have minimal effect on the children's stability. I do have a problem with the fact that in my particular case, which is far from "average", it is allowed to just be drug out. It would be nice for the system to say "Look. Party X is meeting thier obligations with maturity and reason. It is time for Party Y to act accordingly, even if this court must enforce that". But, that would be too logical and might even benefit society as a whole...

Time for an update.

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN AWESOME!!!

It all started this past Saturday. For FD, my mother and step father got me tickets to watch the U.S. Open at Congressional Country Club. It was an amazing experience. My first time attending a major tournament. And Congressional is a beautiful course.

Then on Sunday, DS, my mother, step father, step aunt/uncle/cousin and grandfather, and I all went to a baseball game. It was DS's first game ever. And he enjoyed every bit of it. His words: "It was awesome!".

Monday has already been talked about. Relief is still the biggest emotion. And that is a good thing..

Yesterday, I found out that I made my promotion. This was my 5th time testing, and I'm still ahead of the average promotion rate. Of course, I did have the thought this morning of how I would've liked to celebrate with XWW. How this promotion would be good for our family, and allow us to do more of what we wanted to. But, most of that still applies, just without her. DS and I went out to our favorite restaraunt to have a "YAY ME" dinner last night.

It has been so nice to have a steady week of "good news", "movement", and "accomplishment". After what seems like YEARS of stagnation.

Good news itsa
Seems like the man upstairs is watching over you
It's great to hear someone who is doing so well
See life is opening up after that storm and your test scores gotta be a shot in the arm
DS was blessed and you guys had a FD to remember

Keep up the good work Itsa

ITSA-

I'm so glad your having some good days! Congratulations on your promotion. This is a good thing for your family, it's just you provide for different people now- fewer

I understand though, wanting to share that accomplishment with her. I have promised my teen son and his friend when I get a job we are grilling steak out! It's different than the past but it's still good. My kids are already talking about how Christmas will be different and family traditions that are going to be last. I told them we'd choose the ones we really like and find some new ones! Change is hard, but we grow and survive through it all.

You seem to be doing great. I'm happy for you.

Great news on the awesome week!

Thanks HF and NSZ!! It definitely was an awesome week. I bought DS and I some baseball gloves and a baseball yesterday, and we started to play catch. We'll see if he continues to like it. I know I will. He's been talking about playing baseball since the game last Sunday.

EDIT:

Removed because now that I read it again, it doesn't make a difference. WXW will do as she pleases and sees fit with DS, as will I. Those will obviously differ. At this point, I'm pretty much done attempting to initiate/facilitate honesty, communication, and negotiation towards a common goal. It's like I've been beating my head against a wall for so long; it's time to simply walk away from the wall.


Note: "walking away" and "being done" do not include DS's overall safety and/or security. That, is non-negotiable. It also does not include giving up any rights or abilities to be an active part of his life. Also, non-negotiable

Itsa! I am SO happy for you getting that promotion! Good job. It was also great to hear that you had a good week all around that same week.

However, I also read where WXW was upsetting you by taking your son fishing with another OM. You're right, unless it's in your custody documents, there's nothing you can do about the men she brings around him. Can you ask that she has no overnight visits while your son is with her? I am so sorry that you have to deal with this.

I'm sure you will protect your son the best way you can. Just talk to him about values, and morals. WXW can't take that away.

When I read your post the yesterday, I was going to post when I had a little time to respond. I think I was going in the same direction you concluded. Does it really matter about the fishing pole etc? For me the hardest thing to swallow in the situation would be she and the OM spending time together "as if a family". That I know will drive me to a few tears.

I can only imagine what it must be like to have an x take off with an "other" and your child. It must be rough. I would detest it. I understand picking apart everything about the situation- maybe it is human nature, I dont know. I wish for myself I can come to the realization you mentioned above and be at peace with that. I wish for you that you can be at peace with it as well- ya know not wrestle with it in your mind.

Is there nothing in your paperwork about a morality clause? Mine says no one dating or perceived to be dating around the kids. Can you have it added?

I feel ya! Sorry.

There is no paperwork. My custody case was dismissed, since we STILL share the same residence. And WXW has already answered the question of introducing "partners". She said she will, but won't call them her "new friend" or "boyfriend", just simply as "friend". Fine set of morals, eh? I think she did "agree" to no overnights. We'll see how that sticks once she moves out. But, it's her bed. She'll make it how she makes it. The day will come when her son won't respect her. Assuming she continues that line of thinking. Last I "heard", she's still thinking that I'm bad-mouthing her and trying to make her out as a bad person. All I do is speak the truth. Actions speak louder than words, in my opinion....

And of course, you can't ask someone with a "it's about my happiness", wayward mindset to look at the situation objectively. It's all just a matter of us BSes not getting over it. Right?

But, only 3 more days. Then DS, I, my mother, and step father head off to Maine for the week of the 4th. Our annual trip up there, and we love every minute of it.

Thanks for stopping by MJ and HF. I hope you ladies are still thinking to yourselves, "Keep going".

That is crazy the way the system in your state is set up... I have only filed for separation and it was placed in the orders as "a special little gift" from my attorney...

I agree actions speak loud and clear... I'm just tired of people saying "wow, that doesn't sound like HF's husband." I like well it is, he's flipped out, what can I say...

You have fun in Maine, I'd love to visit there in the fall. I'm headed to California to spend a week with my brother and his family. It'll be fun to get away. You enjoy yourself.

That's about right. We shall leave them to their folly. Waywards make me ill. I feel like I'm being cured from a disease. That is so harsh, I know. But he was toxic to me. I literally was ill because of all of this.





(I'm the one on the far right.)

That's awesome Itsa. Enjoy!



I do believe we are.

Geez Itsa, poor guy. My heart goes out to ya.

Glad you are here. We need more guys like you.

Dont you just LOVE Mjs sigline.

Presure make diamonds

Spent HOURs on FB tonight composing a message to my first son, who never got the skinny on what happened between my my first wife and I, carefully explaining that happened in the 70s 80s, and trying to be fair and telling him how much we loved him. Ya know, he needed to know that, before I lay on him the mistakes that were made, becuase I had hoped first wife would have told him a long time ago.

But I should have figured, FB said it was to long of a message, yeah FB, all they want us to do is ask how the cat is, and who were seeing this week, lol no real messages with any depth. Oh well maybe I should have written a letter anyway. but so much text wasted, now I will have to re-write it. He deserves to know the truth, and not have it be damaging either. Hes a big boy now at 33

Hang in there buddy, you will be fine, sorry you are going through it, but like allways, you will come out stronger because of it

Happy fourth

Well,

Got back from a week long vacation in Maine. It was awesome as always. DS and I had a blast.

Unfortunately, I discovered upon my return that WXW had her boyfriend in the house while we were gone. He has been warned not to come into my house again, and she's been informed to never bring him here again.

It is still truly amazing how some people can expect you to treat them with respect, when they are not willing to do the same. I really think part of all this is the "adrenaline factor". She had to try and hide it from all my neighbors...and me.

Just how deep does this rabbit hole go?

Welcome back Itsa! I'm happy you and DS had a great time.

I am very sorry that you wxw doesn't have enough respect for herself, or you, to act like a decent human being.

Does this make you want to move out of the house now?


My stbx may be moving back into our home, once the divorce is finalized. I will never be able to drive by my home, and have good memories after that happens, because he will be carrying on his affair here when I leave. His selfishness taints everything good in this world to me.

Thanks MJ! It was definitely a needed break. And coming off the weeks before the trip, it was icing on the cake. Oh, and I got to hit the water on the trip to. 6 knots on full canvas (main & jib), out on the Atlantic just south of Penobscot Bay. My Aunt and Uncle have an Island Packet IP38. Beatiful boat, and a great classic design.


Well, truth be told, I gave up on the hope of her conducting herself in a decent manner a long time ago. It still seems to affect me though.


Nope. While it is discourting to think a stranger was in my house, and the reasons and possibilities of what transpired, this is still my home. I kind of liken it to the time my house was broken into back when I lived in Louisiana.




Are you moving out by choice? Financial reasons? Sorry if my memory is lacking...my mind's kind of occupied right now.

Time to TRY and get my homework done...