After having an affair with my wife's close friend & getting caught 2 months back, there is no contact with OW on the phone or meeting her alone. I confessed everything to my wife 15days back , & she has been extremely understanding throughout & is willing to work on our marriage & move ahead in life. the problem is
1)we all are in the same group (5 couples) & I fear losing all our other friends if me & my wife stop going out just to avoid meeting her. We all friends are on Black berry messenger group & its impossible to avoid her. OW feels feelings will die down with time so be patient.wht should we do? how can I stop thinking of her & be in the same group of friends. is it possible?

2)When we all are out in a group for dinners or movies i go into my shell & become extremely quiet which is not my personality. i want myself back but how ?

3)i have constant questions coming in my mind that how can OW be normal around me & hide her feelings or she has been a [censored] & used me. HOw can change my thinking.

i don't wanna hurt my wife any longer & really want to work on our relationship but many a times i feel very sad at work & cry a lot as i miss that OW who was part of my daily routine.
Because of all this i have lost my self confidence & my wife & I are going through emotional stress & on the other hand the OW is perfect & enjoying her life with our friends as her husband doesn't know anything accept for the fact that me & her don't talk & ignore each other when we meet.

I feel very angry whenever she is around as i see my friends drifting away from me.
How do i resolve this issue & save my marriage & keep my friends also (friendship since 10years)

i know i have done a big blunder & made my wife's life a mess but i can't afford her to loose all her friends also because of my stupidity.

Please click notify and ask the moderators to move this post to your original thread and then stay with one thread. People have already been giving you advice but you never came back.

Here is the link to your original thread:
Original Thread

First off, I would tell all the friends what you have done so they can protect their own marriages from you and the OW.

Before you do that, have your wife call up the OW's husband and tell him what you and the OW have done to him. He needs to know you are a very dangerous man. Everyone should know about your affair, your friends, parents, close family. The more people who know how reckless and irresponsible you are, the more people to hold you accountable.

Other than that, you should take extraordinary precautions to avoid the OW for life. That is critical to the recovery of your marriage. There is no friendship that is worth sacrificing your marriage.


Stop going around her. That way you won't have such questions. No contact for life.

Have you been tested for cooties? Many cheaters have STDs because they are so promiscuous and possess such a lack of discrimination.

harry, welcome to Marriage Builders. I'll make a few comments:

You'll sweep this affair under the rug to the detriment of your marriage. I would like to hear from your wife about her willingness to let this go.

This tells me your friendship with your social circle is more important than your marriage. Can you convince me otherwise?

So, get off Blackberry messenger. Mission accomplished. Not impossible at all. Blackberry doesn't own you, correct? You control your phone, right?


You can't. Your wife is being blindly trusting of you, which is one of the things that got you in trouble in the first place.

??? USED YOU??? How so?? Did you, a married man, not willfully enter into an adulterous relationship with this skank? Knowing that she was married? Are you trying to cast yourself as a victim of something, here? Because you're not a victim, you're a participant.

Her husband needs to know what damage you have inflicted upon his marriage. And he needs to know that the marriage he holds in his mind is a lie. He needs to know that his wife has been with another man - YOU. And YOU need to tell him. It is the least you can do, after the damage you have done.

This is a natural reaction of friends who are threatened. The word is on the street about you, harry - people hear things, they know things, and they talk. Do you think the married men in your circle are going to trust you being around their wives? Do you think the married women in your circle who are content in their marriages will view you as anything more than a creep? These are normal responses by normal people who are presented with an immoral situation. They treat the person like a leper. And you've earned that status. I'm sorry, but that's how it is.

You really put a lot of stock in your friendships, don't you. Be ready to lose those if you want to recover your marriage. You will remain in a toxic soup as long as you are around OW.

What a self-serving comment! It's been all about you and your friends until the last sentence! Just before you made this statement you said this:

This post is all about you, Harry. When did you get the idea that your marriage is all about you?

I would like to see your wife post here. I suspect she's not as motivated to keeping your friendships at the expense of her marriage.

I posted on your other thread Harry and I suggest you continue to post there too.

You screwed this up now man up on the ramifications. Do the right thing and protect your BW first and foremost. Break all contact for life with OW and if the circle of friends have to go ...they go. Personally I wouldnt want you in my group or anywhere around my wife and if the other husbands dont know then you arent being fair to them. Till you correct your boundaries you are a danger to your BW and your M will never recover.
You cant forget about somebody you see on your BB everyday.
Get Surviving an Affair out of the bookstore and follow the guide closely WITH your BW. Have you not read ANYTHING here??? Oh and take your head out of your rear.
Dont think life can go back to "normal" it cant. You made that choice so live with it.
Send your BW here so we can help her put a leash on you.