It has been about 3 years since the events that I'm about to describe happened. But I'm now trying to help my wife heal from the trauma of my actions. Any advice would be helpful.

I've always had self-esteem issues which turned into a problem with masturbation and pornography. My wife didn't know about my problem as I kept it hidden from her. I lied to myself that there was nothing wrong with masturbation and pornography, but I didn't talk to my wife about it. She had let me know that she wouldn't be with a person who uses pornography. I know now after being free from m and p for two years how destructive it is and how it is a violation of the sacred union between a married couple.

After my wife found out about my compulsive behaviour, it took me a lot of time to deal with my issues in this regard. I started to reveal to her how I acted at work. We discussed how I interacted with women on the job. In understanding the issue and dealing with it, I had never really dealt with my wife's feelings about it. It was just about me and how I was dealing with it.

We discussed a woman that I had been working with and how I shared personal information with her and I thought that she was sexually attractive. How I had made comments about her attire and that there was joking around about sexual topics. How this woman made a comment about dressing the way she did to get men to do things for her at the workplace. After this, my wife asked me not to talk to this woman again and I agreed. However, there were a number of times that I talked to this woman and once that I walked over to a coffee shop with her always in the precense of another person. I also arranged it to be in the office of a co-worker of hers that I didn't necessarily need to be in as much as I was.

My wife hasn't trusted me since then and why should she. I'd would appreciate any comments or insights that anyone would have.

ehm, your boundaries are truly the issue. If this was me I would write down extreme precautions that I would take and give her a copy. Be totally transparent. Text/call her when you go anywhere. Give her all your spare TIME. And find a new Job as she obviously isn't comfortable with you working with this OW.
PORH should make her feel better not worse. If you disclosed all of this to her you did the right thing. But you also created trust issues as you acted on it before you discussed it with her. In short it was like you having an emotional affair I believe. And she resents it. In reality it probably was a EA. So own that. Make compensation to you BW.

Excuse me !


That's not a "self esteem issue".


That's a self control "issue".



That's a secrecy "issue".



That's a dishonesty "issue".




What the heck do you mean "dealt with my wife's feelings" ???
What you lack is empathy and caring in your marriage.
You have been selfish and lazy.


You behaved like a pig at work.
This sort of behavior could cost you your job.



You lack integrity and self control.


Call the Harley's and arrange phone coaching.
You need NEW BEHAVIORS.
You need them yesterday.

The "why" you act like such a fool is not worth discussing.
You can change today regardless of the supposed "why".

Start behaving better now.