Slight T/J



I am so glad to hear this. And it only gets better. Honestly.

I completely agree. I think that's kind of what broke them up. I completely would not talk to him. The kids were so mad they weren't talking to him. That was just like a mini plan B. I can't imaging what the real thing will be like. Since he left I have been focusing on me. I'm the happiest and healthiest I've been in years. I've lost a good bit of weight. I registered for school this fall. I've got friends. I'm doing stuff when he has the kids. I'm doing when he doesn't have the kids. I'm just enjoying myself...and he was just an afterthought...well except for the drama he created. I ignored it to the best of my ability, but sometimes it was impossible. As long as I can find an IM, I think this will be helpful. The one person I was sort of beating around the bush to ask didn't say no, but he's been reading on the site because he's having his own problems...he's seeing how plan B could work, but also how it could backfire. He hasn't read it just going by the little bit I've told him. I told him it's mostly to take care of yourself, but I'm not sure he gets that yet. I'm going to ask him again, and think of some others I may be able to ask.

He doesn't need to understand the ins and outs of Plan B to be your IM. He will need to understand how to filter, and such, but he doesn't even need to necessarily agree with what you are doing, he just has to support your choice to do it.

So, do you have any things that still need to be figured out to get into Plan B? Is there anything you could get worked out now? That way, you could be ready to pull the trigger at any moment, because all though you are feeling very good right now, it wouldn't take much to throw you over the edge.

Everything is already in place for protecting myself. I have child/spousal support, I have exclusive domain of the house, I have my own checking account, the bills are all in my own name. I just have to get the IM set up and a good letter written. I'm not changing my home phone as the court order said I have to have one that he can use. I let the kids answer. I've been doing it for months.

Okay, then you are ready? Does he have access to you in any other way, ie email? Just making sure. That way, you can relax and coast the Plan A high that you may be experiencing right now.

And, BTW, are you good at baking? On Sunday, I would bake some cookies, or a pie, so the smell is lingering when he comes in. If not, a candle should do the trick(but something to eat would be fantastic). Is this a home you shared with him, or one you moved into after you separated? Make it as homey as possible.

Good luck. I'll be thinking about you.

Don't do this, dmh. Your H had choices. He may have felt overwhelmed, underappreciated, whatever. The difference is what he CHOSE to do in response to his feelings. Lots of families homeschool. Lots of families have two full-time employed parents. Lots of families have two parents who don't work at all. They can all have adultery in common. Because one of the spouses didn't choose to maintain their boundaries. Don't blame yourself.

You're right. I know that. The kids and I deserved so much more. If he needed something he knew all he had to do was ask and I would jump at it...he was just too coward to do the asking.

No, I didn't do email yet. It will be easy enough to do. Just another gmail acount.

My friend suggested that I bake something too. It's just I will be meeting him right after church. I don't think I can do it. I can light a candle though. Or bake before I go. I LOVE to bake.

If you bake before you go, make sure that the candle you light is the same scent. That way it will seem authentic.

LOL!! He knows I'm not faking it. I used to make everything from scratch. I box of cereal was a treat around here. I even have a grain mill and would grind my own wheat to make homemade bread. *sigh*

Cinnamon and vanilla

two scents men go ga ga for.......

I bow down to your DS. I am NOT a domestic goddess, although, I DO love to bake. Never made my own bread though. And I HATE cleaning up after it. Sigh. When I clean up a house, I want it to stay that way darn it. My children don't seem to cooperate though.

Gotta jet off to bed. I am getting up at 515am to go down by the falls and watch a morning TV show from the big city LIVE. Getting an 8 year old and 11 year old up that early could almost be considered child abuse, if it hadn't been their idea.

That's an awful lot of work, involving a lot of time. WHEN he comes back and WHEN you recover your M, be ready to let some of the scratch baking and wheat grinding go if it means more time freed up for you and your M.

Bingo. I was trying to show him I love him by doing stuff like this....but that's not what his EN's were. I quit doing it after he left...who has time for all that.

I'm not domestic goddess. I try to do my best and sometimes I just go way overboard.

Oh, and Scotland, have a great time tomorrow.

She is NOT "pretty". She's a bloated, puffy-eyed, puked-faced whore.

And yes, I signed up just to be able to post that. Because I am SICK of you calling that whore "pretty". There is nothing pretty about her, inside OR out.

Oh look. They censor my name for her.

Last night I was sitting here and he texted me. It was in three parts and broken up. Something about being sorry he hurt the kids and me. I told him I was up if he wanted to talk and he told me to call so that he wouldn't wake anyone up. So I did. I asked him if he was okay...he sounded okay. Told him that the message was pretty broken up so he told me that he was sorry he hurt us. He said he can't promise that his future actions won't hurt us and that he can't seem to do anything right. At some point he said he doesn't have this love thing figured out. He wasn't crying or anything. There wasn't a whole lot of emotion in his voice or anything. He said he wished he realized how much he was loved (meaning by us). I said I did love you, but I was just showing you in ways that I guess weren't important. I said I wish you would have told me what you needed because I would have done anything. He said he doesn't know what he needs. We talked a little about some other things, but that was the meat of the conversation. I don't understand what any of that means. Is that fog talk? Is that coming out of the fog talk? He sure doesn't sound very remorseful. He just feels guilty. He has no idea of the scope of pain that he has caused me and the kids and I'm not even sure when it's appropriate to share this with him. I can't even put it into words because I've pushed all that stuff in a closet in my head. I'm sure he's too foggy to even care right now.

That's conflicted wayward-speak, and yes, it's part of the fog.

Somewhere, way down deep inside him, is a part of him that is questioning his actions. He feels guilty, and waywards don't like to feel guilty. It screws around with their feeling of entitlement. He's trying to ease his guilt.

You responded well to him.

Good on you dmh!

"they" is an auto censor.
Welcome to MB.

LOL