i just came back to my husband after separating for 4 months, i havent even been back 6 months yet and i have already found him asking a girl what she was wearing and for a pic. he talks to her like i beg him to talk to me. he used to be so loving and thoughtful and now he is verbally abusive and a master manipulator. i am reading love busters right now and since i caught him talking to her he has offered to read it with me, but i cant get past wondering why he so willing gives her what i so desperately yearn for. why doesnt he care how he is hurting me? if he keeps doing this i cant see myself staying there being treated this way. he knows that and we have talked about it, but i dont know how to let go and try to trust him. i feel like he will just keep on and that i am niave for staying this time. i just want my family together, for my son to not grow up in a broken home like i did, and i love him so much but his actions dont show that it is mutual at all. any advice? can someone please tell me he can change and that he does love me like he says he does?

kmmclearly, welcome to Marriage Builders. Why did you leave for 4 months?

i suspected him of cheating and we got into a big fight, instead of him trying to reassure me he just blew up. when i came back he admitted to me that he tried being with someone while we were apart but nothing prior to our separation. i did too so i dismissed it. then i find these messages and it just seems to start all over again.

Are you two legally married to one another? Were either of you married when you met? Do you have any children together?

You are right not to trust your WH, but you also tried to be with someone while you were separated(around these parts, we call that adultery)? How old are the two of you?

we are legally married for the first time for each and have a son. he is 23 and i am 22.

You still haven't explained why you left for four months. You're married, you have the same residence. Why did you leave your home? Do you have a habit of leaving when you hear something you don't like?

i left because someone told me he was seen with another girl. we had never had any problems before so i have never been one to just leave... we have had spats but infidelity to me was unrepairable until i bought the love busters book. i also earlier said that i was with someone while we separated and that relationship did not begin until after i had signed our divorce papers and then my husband refused to sign them so we worked things out.

Around these parts, that's still adultery. You need to clean up your own side of the fence about this one, for YOU.


HAHAHAHA I see I already said that once on THIS thread. That's what I get for not re-reading a thread. Sorry, but it does bear repeating.

You aren't offering much info. You did come here for help, right? You are going to need to open up for it to be effective help though.

How did you come across LB? Did someone suggest it to you? And did you read the things on here about adultery? I suggest you get the book Surviving An Affair.

just hard to know what is too much information on here because i read the introduction threads about not telling a long story and sticking to the basics...
when we got back together i was looking for a way to help ease the pain on both of us for seeing other ppl. i found this website and the book on my own and my husband and i started it, but i finished alone while he continued making excuses. now that new information surfaced about another girl he all of a sudden wants to read it again. we got far enough in it together to decide to put the past indiscrepencies behind us and move forward and then he does this.... so i am lost all over again... i do not want a divorce but i cant live with someone who will never stop. he says he messed up and he is sorry, but he is not just going out of his way to fix things. i am still battling a guilty conscience from my other relationship when we were separated so if he loves me like he says he does how could he not feel guilty enough from the first time to do it a second time? i am battling most with not knowing what he is thinking or how he truelly feels. if he was more affectionate i feel like it would be easier but since i have caught him this time he seems to have withdrawn. when i ask him to talk about everything he blames everything on our financial state and says i am not the reason he is acting the way he is that is all him.

i will get the Surviving an Affair book now that i have finished the other. I had already considered it, but just havent acted on it. i have read a ton of threads on here about adultery and none seem to fit my situation, well parts do and parts dont. i wish there was just a clear straight forward answer. i know my husband and i are young, but i dont feel like this chapter in our lives can be tossed up to simple youth. we are not party people and we both stay home and take care of our son. i dont even feel like he has seen the girl i caught the text from bc we are together so much. i still feel betrayed though because he went to someone else for a feeling he should have fulfilled by me.

Have you read ALL of the Basic Concepts? They are up above in the red banner at the top of the page.

Welcome to MB's.

nESRE

thank you nesre! you have helped more than you know by just giving some answers. i hate feeling helpless and in my situation i do feel helpless because i cant save my M by myself he has to want to too and some days he acts wonderful and like he wants to but some days he doesnt even want to hold a conversation... it is a very stressful situation.