Robilar: Whether or not she gets help for depression, you definitely should. Last Spring, when I first suspected the affair (had found a receipt for condoms and I 'took care' of birth control years ago), I was having panic attacks and suicidal. <P>It was time for my annual exam anyway, so I told my doctor (a woman) about my suspicions and the stress I was under. I was concerned about STD's, etc. <P>In a joint consult with our therapist (he was attending but lying for several months), my doc prescribed an anti-anxiety drug (Buspar). It worked in reverse, more or less, and I would sleep for only two hours and be awake all night or have horrid nightmares. We gave it a month and then tried an anti-depressant instead (Elavil). It has very few side effects (dry mouth, heartbeat may be sped up) and in three weeks I was starting to feel much more level and sane and in control. It also helps me get deeper sleep without nightmares. I had been on it before with post-partum problems, so we already knew how it could work for me. <P>For the panic attacks, which became fewer as honesty became our motto, I had a prescription for Xanax. This is something they control much more carefully because people come to depend on it too much. I used it for two months, this past August and September. We decided not to refill it, and since my h. gave me a new bike for my birthday, activity has been my outlet for stress this month. <P>I'm still on the Elavil generic (which is less than $5.00 for thirty days, one tablet at bedtime). I plan to stay on it through the first of the year. We are talking about renewing our vows in some sort of ceremony as we enter the millenium, providing that the progress continues as it has. Then, I'll probably go off the Elavil under supervision.<P>Take care of yourself first. Then you'll be in a better position to meet her needs or deal with making a different future for yourself. You must recognize your own worth if you expect others to treat you with respect. I learned this after the whining and pleading almost drove him away forever. If you haven't read James Dobson's Love Must Be Tough, get it from the library and commit it to memory if necessary!<P>Hang in there. I'm praying for you right now. Next thursday, I'll ask the same of you as we start back with our therapist for the first time together since he confessed in August. (He has been too ashamed to see her till now.)<P>LIZ<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>
