Hi All. Great forum you have here. Lots of insight.

My wife discovered two one night stands that I had while we were married and has moved back home. Married 2 years (together 10) No kids. She moved out 2.5 months ago and we have limited contact via phone/text.

When she left I was numb from the pain I had caused her and her family and dishonored our relationship. I did not chase her and beg her to come back because she said it was painful enough just to hear my voice.

At first it was a wait and see period where she just needed to clear her head while I went to Marriage Counseling and AA. I thought we were working on our marriage and trying to reconcile.

She goes to visit her friends for a week and something during that week changed her mind to where she wants a divorce. I realize I made the choices to cheat and lie and she is entitled to leave.

I am completely and utterly in love with my wife and because I put myself in bad situations she's now going to file for divorce.

I drove to her instantly after the news and for 4 days begged and pleaded to continue to work on our marriage and relationship but she says I am too late..that i should have come sooner and that she has made her decision.

I want to show her with actions that I am committed to us regardless of the divorce but with every action I take it seems to push her further away (Flowers/Church/AA/gifts/dates). We had a very strong relationship before the cheating.

I'm lost and need help guys. Right now I feel like I need to back away from her, respect her decision, and just work on myself. If anybody has any experience with this or related stories please share good or bad.

I think you might get better advice if you posted on the "Surviving an Affair" forum. It has more traffic and there are vets there who have been on both sides of an A who may be able to help you. You can contact one of the moderators to move your thread there or just re-post it there.

The advice you get may sound tough-just realize that it's "tough-love".

Hope this helps-

outofideas, welcome to Marriage Builders.

How did your wife find out about your affairs and what exactly do you constitute a "one night stand?" What are the details about these affairs?

Where did you meet these women?

Why do you go to AA? If you are an alcoholic, how long sober and what is the history there?

Did you live together before marriage?

Thanks! I will ask for it to be moved.

One night stand - Had sex with a random woman after drinking from 7PM - 5AM

She found out from a deleted voicemail that a friend had left me asking about the one night stand.

Both occurred after drinking for 6+ hours. I go to AA meetings because I realized I have a binge drinking problem. I don't drink but typically one night a week but when I do its usually 12 - 15 drinks.

I met both these women at a bar with friends. Dancing and flirting led to sex
I'm sober for 2 weeks though i have not been to a bar since the discovery but drinking at home.

We did live together before marriage and then moved to a new city with friends to get a fresh start 1 year after marriage. We lived apart for our first year of marriage.

I do not expect her to move back like nothing happened all that I am asking for her is to let me prove that I am remorseful and will NEVER cheat again.

So why did it take you 2 months to get sober? When you say you are sober, you mean NO booze, right? Did you continue to drink after she left?

It took me 2 months to get 100% sober because I drank to numb my emotions. I did continue to drink after she left

Well, you drank to get drunk. It doesn't take 2 months to make a decision to stop. I imagine you only stopped when you realized she was serious and not coming back unless you stopped.

My suggestion would be to stick with AA and stay sober for at least a year before she even considers moving back. You would also want to stay out of bars. Have you been tested for STDs?

She would be crazy to get back with you now because you are too dangerous.

Thanks for the advice. I am continuing to go to AA & staying sober. I did only take it extremely serious when she said she was walking. I also do plan on staying out of bars/nightclubs.

I have not yet been tested for STD's but trying to do that before the week ends.

On a positive note, she did agree to go to marriage counseling when I come back in at the end of this week. I already know what she's going to say to the counselor (I'm done.. It's over.. I just want it to be finished) but I am holding hope the counselor will not give up at that point and will try to drill down to the issues. The last counselor just gave up at that point and went no further.

Is it possible to get back together after divorce?